Dance with the Clown

Chapter 1
Maybe a Confession?

Rima was riding in the car with her mother, who was arguing with her father. “Cell phones make everybody’s lives better and easier.” Her mother had said when she first bought herself, Rima, and Rima’s father cell phones.

Yes. My life is so much better since she can argue with my dad without even being near him. So much more convenient, right? Rima thought.

Amu was waiting for Rima after she was dropped off at school.

“Hey, Rima.” Amu said, smiling.

Rima smiled back. “Hey, Amu!”

Nagihiko walked up to Amu. “Good morning, Amu.” He said. Nagihiko looked over to Rima, and reluctantly said “…Good morning, Rima.”

He thinks I’ll attack him or something if he talks to me. Oh well. It’s better this way.

“What’s the cross-dresser doing here?” Rima whispered to Amu.

“Huh? A cross-dresser?” Amu answered, confused.

Amu REALLY doesn’t know? I wonder if Nagihiko knows that I figured it out.

Rima glared at Nagihiko. She observed him very closely and Nagihiko starting getting nervous.

“So, which do you prefer to be called? Nadeshiko or Nagihiko?” Rima asked. Amu had left for class, so Nagihiko didn’t have anything to hide anymore.

“How long have you known about… that?” Nagihiko asked Rima, sweating bullets.

“Well, when all the Guardians visited your house—we looked at your photo album, remember?” Rima said.

“Yes. I remember. What are you getting at?”

“Well, there wasn’t a single photo of you and your so-called ‘twin sister’ together. Also, when I asked Amu more about this ‘Nadeshiko’ person—she informed me that Nadeshiko’s character change was manly and violent.”

Nagihiko growled under his breath.

“Well, you might want to remember that description. Your character change with Temari is probably the most manly thing about you.” Rima snickered.

“…..I think my charanari with Rhythm is pretty manly.”

“Awww, is the cross-dresser insecure? Too bad you don’t have Temari to back you up. ” Yes, I know Temari returned (but not in my story).

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I HATED IT?! You act as if I had a choice. I didn’t. I always wanted to be a normal kid and play with the other boys my age but no. I was forced to play with dolls, wear dresses, and other stuff girls did up until this year. In gym, I had to do half as well as I actually could just so I could make it seem like I was a ‘girl’. I even had to pretend to be a girl at home, too. Geez. I’m lucky I didn’t end up being gay, having to do all that girly stuff growing up.”

Rima started to feel guilty, but she hated losing fights.

“How do you know you’re not gay?”

“You’re so stupid, Rima. You’re seriously asking me how I know?” Nadeshiko retoriated, staring at Rima.

“What do you mean?”

“What does this tell you?” Nagihiko said. He pulled a rose out of his backpack, handed it to Rima, and then stormed off.

I feel like such a brat. Which I guess, I am. I feel like I should understand but I don’t. What the heck does this rose even mean? I think I’m missing something.

Rima’s POV

I chased after Nagihiko. Whenever I got close, he sped up more.

“Nagihiko, I’m really sorry! I don’t know why I act the way I do. I guess I’m jealous.”

Nagihiko stopped and looked back at me. “Jealous?”

“Well, I mean.. you’re Amu’s best friend. In truth, Amu’s my closest friend and I hate competing with you.”

“It’s not a competition. That’s no reason to be jealous.”

“Well…. Even though you’re a boy, you were a prettier girl than me.” I teased.

We laughed together.

“I accept your apology.” Nagihiko smiled.

I held out my hand. “Friends?”

Nagihiko took my hand. For some reason, my heart started beating faster and my face felt hot. I must have a fever or something.

He stared at me for a second, noticing my inner-confusion. “Friends.” He said, shaking my hand. He had a sweet grin on his face.

“Nagi… I want to know—why did you give me the rose?” I asked him.

He just chuckled. “You’re clever enough to figure out that I’m the same person as Nadeshiko, but you can’t figure the rose out?”

“…..Pretty embarrassing, right?” I blushed.

“Nah. Not too embarrassing. But you’re dense.” Nagihiko laughed more. He’s really enjoying this. I am dense, I can’t figure the rose out.

“One hint?” I pleaded.

“Ok; what’s the obvious reason a boy would give a girl a rose? I’m pretty sure you at least know that.” He said, then winked at me and ran away.

He set me up. He knows that I’m gonna be anxious; thinking about what he meant. I’d kick his butt if I didn’t deserve that.

The obvious reason, huh? I know that. It’s impossible, though. He doesn’t like me… but maybe he’s trying to tell me he’s in love with some other girl.

I was actually pained by that thought. Another side affect of my fever, perhaps? Nah. Maybe I…like him. NO! I can’t…

I’m delusional from my fever. Yeah, that’s it.

I’m totally in denial, but hey—I’m OK with that.

I walked to my first-period class and took my seat next to Amu.

“Hey, Rima. I was wondering, what did you mean by calling Nagihiko a cross-dresser this morning?” Amu asked.

“Uh--- it’s a really long story. Don’t worry about it. I regret saying it to him.” I answered quickly.

Amu noticed that I was looking down at the rose Nagihiko gave me.

“Wow. Who’d you get that from?” Amu asked.

“…Nagi.” I replied, blushing.

“So he finally admitted he likes you, huh?” Amu said nonchalantly, as if it was old news to her.

“He doesn’t like me. I mean—I considered that theory, but.. he probably doesn’t like me, at least not more than a friend. I’m such a jerk to him all the time.”

Amu raised an eyebrow. “Well.. remember how Ikuto and I would always fight?

Well, I always a jerk to him, too. But--- then he confessed that he actually loved me. I thought he was lying until he left to find his father. He had nothing but sincerity in his eyes; and I realized I was in love with him, too. I’m so relieved he finally found his father and is coming home soon…

Sorry, I got sidetracked.

The point is:

Fighting and name calling might ruin some love.. but not true love. Although, you may not realize you’re in love until you get past all the arguing.”

I didn’t expect that out of Amu. Sometimes she doesn’t seem to pay any attention, but then she goes saying stuff that affects me.

“Uh…” I stupidly muttered.

“But, you know…. The real question is whether you’re in love with him.” Amu said; looking at me intensely.

She knows exactly how to make me feel uncomfortable.

“Well, he’s not in love with me in the first place. Are you stupid? Stop saying such nonsense. I’m not interested in foolish things like love.” I replied.

“Well, you’re acting defensive. I can tell you’re at least trying to decide whether you like him or not..” She smiled.

I sighed. “Shut up.”

“Fine. I’ll let it go for now.” Amu said, now angry.

There was no Guardian meeting after school today so I just headed through the halls, trying to get to the front entrance of the school.

I saw Nagihiko walking ahead of me, looking anxious.

“What’s wrong Nagihiko?” I asked, chasing after him.

“Rima? You’re not being mean to me or attempting to murder me?” Nagihiko asked. He was genuinely surprised.

“Huh? Of course not. Don’t you remember what happened this morning?” I replied, tilting my head. I was really confused.

“Rhythm character-changed me without my permission sometime on the way to school this morning. I can usually remembered what happens but—I’m a blank slate about this morning. I tend to be way too honest when I’m character-changed with Rhythm. I’m really worried I might have done or said something stupid.”

“Oh.” I said.

I looked down at the rose. He noticed and said “Oh no..the rose. I must have said…. This is very, very bad.”

I was so hurt. “What do you mean?”

“Well.. If I gave you the rose, I probably said.. well, something important.. that wasn’t supposed to be said yet. Could you please forget anything stupid I might’ve said this morning?”

“…OK.” I said, hurt.

“…I said something really stupid, didn’t I?” Nagihiko sighed. “What was it?”

“Nothing, really.” I lied, forcing a smile. “You mainly just defended yourself against my accusation of you being gay. Not stupid.”

“Well, OK. Are you sure that’s all?” He asked.

“Yeah. You didn’t humiliate yourself or anything this morning.” I said.

He looked relieved and waved bye to me as he walked away.

“I did, though.” I finished when he was far away enough not to hear me.

He never meant any of his actions this morning. I was starting to think maybe he cared about me, or at least wanted to be friends. I’m such an idiot.

Now I feel even worse because I’ve actually fallen for him.

My dad picked me up today because my mom couldn’t leave work early.

He never said anything except for mumbling curses under his breath.

Kusukusu looked at me. “Rima-chan, don’t be sad. Do you want me to do a funny face?”

“No, thanks. I’m really not in the mood.”

I got a text from Amu.

Did u talk 2 Nagi?

I guess you could say that…

I texted in my phone, and pressed send.

So..does he like you? Amu replied.

No. I replied immediately.

Awww. I’m really sorry :( What happened? Amu texted.

It’s a long story. I’ll tell you tomorrow in first-period. Wanna talk about something else? I texted back.

Sure. Are you gonna perform in the talent show tomorrow? Amu replied.

That gave me an idea. Yes.. I am. I have the perfect act. I can’t text anymore. Bye.

After I got home, I ran straight up to my room, grabbed a pen and paper, and spent the whole night writing a song.

I walked to school the next morning (there was no way I was riding with either of my parents on what is probably gonna be the most stressful day of my life).

Amu looked at me in a way that meant I want to know all the details.

“Morning, Rima.” She said.

“Morning, Amu. I’m not telling you until first-period.”

“Fine.” She sighed.

Nagihiko walked up to us. Perfect. I don’t know if I can handle this. I thought.

“Morning, Amu and Rima.” He greeted.

I turned my back to him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“So, did you have a lot of homework last night?” I asked Amu, purposely ignoring Nagihiko.

“Uh.. not really.” She answered.

Nagihiko looked at Amu. “What’s wrong with Rima?”

“Nothing. I think she’s just in a bad mood because she skipped breakfast this morning.” She lied.

“Well, I’ve never really seen eye to eye with her—so it’s kind of expected that she’d ignore me; bad mood or not. “ He replied to Amu.

“Was that a short joke?” I said to him, trying to be irrational enough to get him angry.

“Of course not! What is your problem? How is that a short joke?” Nagihiko asked.

“Eye to eye.” I repeated what he said.

“You completely took that out of context.” He sighed.

“Amu, wanna walk to class together?” I asked Amu.

“Sure.” She said, grabbing my wrist and rushing me into the school.

“Why were you trying to make Nagi angry?” She asked me.

“I just wanted to.” I said.

Amu rolled her eyes. “I thought you liked him.”

“....I never admitted that.”

“Never admitted it out loud.” She corrected.

We finally got to first-period and took our seats.

“I want to know what happened.” Amu said.

“Well… it turns out that Nagihiko was character-changed with Rhythm when he gave me the rose. He doesn’t remember anything that happened and was . ‘afraid that he might have done or said something stupid.’ I think the rose was for me.. but he didn’t want me to have it. He never meant anything that happened yesterday morning. The only reason is because he was character-changed.

It was just a stupid mistake.”

“I’m sorry, Rima.” Amu said, sympathetic.

“What do you have to be sorry about? I don’t even care about what happened. It’s not like anything’s different.” I said coldly.

“You and I both know that’s a lie. You do care and something is different.”

“What’s different?”

“Now you like him.”

I didn’t bother responding to her. It was true.

The bell rang and the class was dismissed. I attended my other classes until it was finally time for the talent show.

I walked into the gym (where the talent show was being held) and found Nagihiko in the audience.

“I hope you enjoy my act.” I said to him quickly, before rushing backstage. I looked back for a moment and saw his expression of confusion.

After waiting for about a half hour—it was finally my turn.

I get to sing my song.

note: This is an English translation of Rima’s character song Itsuka wa Romansu (I don’t own) I re-wrote a few parts so it fits the story better, though

I took a deep breath, gave Nagihiko a quick glance, and sang.

Chatting before school, a casual greeting.
A boy happened by, with a rather nonchalant appearance.
He was hoping for something.
A white blouse. A useless bag.
A cool breeze. Your scorching look.

A romantic love; I’m not interested in foolish things like that.

Truthfully speaking, we don't see eye to eye.
If he were to honestly say something like, "I like you,"
I would laugh to my heart's content.

There was a strange feeling, the first time we met.
He, I, everyone; am I the Dramatic Heroine?
I lock away my heart, just like in my secret diary

It’s not worth waiting for: my future romance.

At the highest point, an amusement park Ferris Wheel,
I find myself afraid. And in a quiet whispered voice, I say
That the quaint street, with it's houses and stores,
Looks like a cluttered toy box.
Do you even like me?

A romantic love; I’m not interested in foolish things like that.
Truthfully speaking, we don't see eye to eye.
If he were to honestly say something like, "I like you,"
I would laugh to my heart's content.

Surprisingly; I actually got an applause from the audience.

“Thank you.” I said before walking off the stage.

Nagihiko looked at me, and I could tell he understood the ‘secret’ (not) meaning behind the song.

I walked past him and headed straight out the doors.