Dance with the Clown

Chapter 7
Honesty

Rima and I did a short waltz and light radiated all throughout the concert arena.

The X-eggs tried to scatter, but we led them into the light.

All of the X-eggs were purified, but that wasn’t the end of our troubles.

After every child at the concert had their heart’s egg returned, Tara ran to us from backstage.

She looked at me for a moment, but turned and lunged at Rima.

“You idiot! You ruined everything!” Tara screeched. She charged at full force and tried to claw at Rima.

I jumped in the way of Tara’s path and ended up with three huge, raw scratches down my cheek.

Rima stared at me in shock. She mumbled something that I couldn’t understand.

Tara started growling and muttering curse words under her breath.

I glared at her.

Tara made eye-contact with me and looked at me with confusion.

“Are you Nagihiko Fujisaki-kun’s sister?” She asked me.

I looked at my outfit and realized I was still Yamato Maihime.

I took my hair out of the ponytail. She knew who I really was.

Tara gasped. “You’re a--- a---“

“Cross-dresser.” I replied calmy.

Tara still had an expression of horror. “I’m confused. What are you really--- a girl or a boy?”

I sighed. “A boy.”

She nodded.

“So, are you----“ She began asking, but I cut her off.

I knew what she was going to ask.

“I’m straight!” I hissed, answering the unasked question.

Tara put her hands up in surrender. “OK, ok. It’s just that you’re awfully pretty for a boy, so it made me wonder…”

I glared at her again.

This is why I don’t let people know about my secret. They automatically assume I’m gay.

“Sorry for the scratches, Fujisaki-kun.” She said nonchalantly.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Rima.” I said.

“Why?” She asked, pouting.

“Because if I didn’t get in the way, you would’ve hurt her instead of me.” I growled.

“I’m not apologizing to that stupid, blonde baby doll. She doesn’t deserve to even have a chara.” She said, venom in every word.

I growled through my teeth. “What makes you say that?”
”Guardian characters are either a relection of who a person is inside, or a reflection of what a person lacks and their desire to become that. It’s obvious what kind of chara Kusukusu is. I highly doubt Rima has enough emotion to be able to feel such a desire. Therefore, her chara was just a fluke. The heartless Queen got lucky. The stupid doll-looking girl gets everything…” Tara replied.

If Tara wasn’t a girl, I swear I would have punched her right in the mouth.

“Don’t you ever talk about Rima that way again.” I said.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Tara said, smirking.

“Because you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” I yelled.

Rima stood there staring at the both of us.

“Nagihiko, Tara’s a manipulative brat who isn’t worth listening to. If anybody should be mad about what she said, it’s me. Let’s just leave.” She said.

I nodded. “Let’s go.”

Rima and I began to walk away, but Tara had one more thing to say.

“Fujisaki-kun, don’t you think that Rima deserves more than half a man?”

I stood frozen in my tracks.

Was that true? Was I really only half a man?

Rima grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. “Don’t listen to her.”

I hadn’t really thought about it.

I’d spent my whole life pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I’m not sure I know who I am anymore.

Who am I, really?

All I know is that I love dancing. That’s about it. Other than that, it’s like I’m a stranger to myself.

Is it fair for me to be with Rima when I don’t know who I am? When I’m not a whole man?

I turned to Rima. “No…it’s true. I’m not sure if I know who I really am anymore. Maybe I really am only half a man.

If I can’t give you all of me, that’s not fair to you.”

Rima looked at me in shock and agony. “No, Nagi. That’s not true and you know it!”

I looked into her beautiful, honey-colored eyes.

“Just do me one favor: save your heart for a man worthy of it. A man that can give you all the love you deserve. A whole man.” I said.

The same beautiful eyes that I had been gazing into became clouded and blank.

She didn’t cry, but somehow the expression she had was more agonizing than tears could express.

“You... you lied to me.” Rima said emotionlessly.

“What did I lie about?” I asked, confused.

“You told me that you like me and now you’re… b-breaking up with me.” She quickly huffed before running off, with Kusukusu and the strange, blonde chara that she’d previously character transformed with following her.

Maybe I did lie. I don’t like her.

I love her.

Of course, I wasn’t going to tell her that. At least, not under circumstances like this.

Rima’s POV

I ran to my house only to be questioned by my mother.

“You weren’t out with that boy, were you?” My mother asked suspiciously.

“Maybe I was, but it’s over!” I said, crying, as I jogged up the stairs into my bedroom.

I got on my laptop and signed into AIM, hoping that Amu would be online.

CoolxSpicy is online

Yes! Amu’s online.

But, there was one other person online. One that I didn’t know.

KuroNeko is mobile.

Amu made me add this “KuroNeko” person to my buddy list on AIM, but she never told me who KuroNeko was.

Kuro neko means “black cat”…

It must be Ikuto Tsukiyomi. I should have known.

No wonder Amu didn’t tell me it was him.

Ikuto and I hated each other.

I didn’t think Ikuto was a good boyfriend for Amu, and Ikuto didn’t think I was a good friend for Amu.

We never told Amu that, though, because we knew that both of us made Amu happy and we accepted that fact.

For all she knew, Ikuto and I just didn’t get along.

I instant messaged Amu, hoping that she was at her computer.

ComedyQueenXO: Hi, Amu. I really need to talk to you.

CoolxSpicy: Hey, Rima… Sorry, I can’t talk right now.

ComedyQueenXO: Why not?

CoolxSpicy: Ikuto’s messaging me from his cell phone. He was supposed to be back in town today, but… He told me that all airplane flights for the next two weeks are cancelled because of spontaneous storms :(

ComedyQueenXO: I guess we’re both screwed when it comes to love. GOODBYE!

CoolxSpicy: *sigh* You’re having problems with Nagi, aren’t you?

ComedyQueenXO: Naghiko broke up with me after being together for only about two hours, but, of course, you don’t care. The stupid neko’s more important to you!

CoolxSpicy: Rima, you know that accusation’s not fair. Ikuto’s been away for months and I miss him…

ComedyQueenXO: Whatever, Amu.

ComedyQueenXO signed offline.

Great. Perfect. Amu’s too concerned about her idiotic kitty-cat boyfriend.

I’m chopped-liver!

I silently walked downstairs and into the garage to find a rope.

Suicide’s an honorable option here in Japan…

I found a thick, 5-foot rope.

Just the right size to hang from.

I brought the rope up to my room.

I stood on a chair and tied one end of the rope to my ceiling fan.

I tied the other end of the rope around my neck.

As I mentally prepared myself to kick the chair over, I thought about Kusukusu and Yuri.

If I killed myself, Kusukusu would probably disappear. I didn’t want that to happen to her.

Also, if I died, who would return Yuri to Utau?

But, other than that… there’s really no reason not to.

Nobody would miss me. I’m sure of that.

My parents would be too busy fighting. Amu would be sad for a little bit, but then keep obsessing over Ikuto.

Tadase might be a little concerned, but probably only about finding a new Queen. Nagi would think it was his fault. Yaya would feel sad but try to forget about it, because she has a baby’s character and doesn’t like serious things.

But, they’d get over it. Probably in less than a week.

Heck, Kusukusu didn’t even try to talk me out of it. She knew what I was planning, too.

I looked at her, and she sensed what I was thinking.

“I haven’t tried to talk you out of it because it’s your decision. If you want to end your life over something so stupid, who am I to tell you otherwise?” Kusukusu said, pouting, crossing her arms, and looking backwards over her shoulder. Was she trying to be strong… for my sake?

I’d take that as her way of telling me not to, without actually telling me not to.

I felt like I might cry, but my tear-ducts were all used up.

I untied the rope from my neck and it ended up leaving a painful, red mark.

Rope burn straight across my neck.

I put the rope back and the garage and left the chair. Nothing could be said at that point, and I just stared at the ceiling.

Living for another day or two couldn’t hurt.

At least I don’t have school tomorrow.

I fell asleep, but, inevitably, I woke up a few hours later.

5:00 A.M. is what my clock said…

I fell asleep at one in the morning, so that means I only got four hours of sleep!

I stayed up and, thanks to the fact that my tear-ducts had a chance to refill, cried my eyes out.

My crying woke up my mother up and she came to my room. She was sympathetic, which is unusual.

She wrapped her arms around me and asked me what was wrong.

“I got a boyfriend today and h-he b-broke up with m-me!” I sobbed.

My mother looked at me caringly. Normally, she would have scolded me for having a boyfriend in the first place, but she could tell how upset I was.

“Was it that boy that brought you home the other day? You know, sweetie, there will be other boys. Why did he break up with you? He must be a fool.” My mom said.

“It was that boy, mom. His name’s Nagihiko. He says he broke up with me because he’s not worthy of me, but…… I think that’s a lie. I think it’s because I---- I made a huge mistake.”

My mother stared at me, confused and suspicious. “What kind of mistake?”

I wish my mom could know about Easter, hearts’ eggs, charas, everything…

But, she couldn’t.

“Mom, I swear, if I was allowed to tell you I would.” I replied.

“Maybe it’s better I don’t know, then.” She said.

I nodded.

“You know, Rima, I’m your mother. I’d love you no matter what. I wouldn’t care if you plotted to destroy the world, I’d still love you. I wish you trusted me enough to tell me what the mistake was.” My mom added.

I sighed. Maybe I could trust my mom…

“If I’m going to tell you, I’ll have to go over the basics and explain everything relating to it.” I said.

My mother smiled and nodded.

“Every kid has a… an egg in their heart. Their would-be self. It’s like--- their dream, in a way. Who they want to be. Sometimes, the egg can pop out and hatch. The creature that hatches out of it is small and looks human.” I started saying.

My mom looked at me, shocked and confused. Was she surprised by this information, or did she think I was crazy?

“The creatures are called guardian characters, or, for short, charas. They’re a reflection of who a person wants to be, or what they lack. But, only people with charas can see them. That’s why you hear me talking to ‘myself’…I have a guardian character. So do my friends from the Guardians. We’re not actually like a real student council. We protect children’s hearts’ eggs.” I began to explain.

My mother stared at me. “Even Amu?”

Of course she thought of Amu. Amu was the only friend of mine that my mother liked.

“Yes, even Amu. She’s actually the odd one in the group… she has 3, or well, 4, charas if you count the one… anyways, yes, she does, too. She purifies hearts’ eggs. Sometimes children are discouraged from their dreams and their hearts’ eggs become X-eggs. Amu uses something called the ‘Humpy Lock’ to purify them and make them normal. We also can character-transform. When a person character-transforms, they mix, sort of, with their chara and become like a hero. They have attacks. My chara is named Kusukusu and my character-transformation with her is ‘Clown Drop’. My attacks are ‘Juggling Party’ and “Tightrope Dancer’.”

My mother just nodded.

I continued. “Easter, the recording company, hires singers to turn children’s hearts’ eggs into X-eggs. They want to find an egg called the Embryo--- a magical egg that can grant any wish. I was upset and was thinking of quitting the Guardians, and I started singing. The Director of Easter offered me a singing contract, and I signed it. I had to a concert today, and my ex-boyfriend, who is also a Guardian and has a chara, followed me. I sang and… turned innocent kids’ hearts’ eggs into x-eggs. He and I had to character- transform and use a combined attack to purify the x-eggs without having Amu around. That’s the big mistake I made. I worked for the enemy and created x-eggs.”

My mother stared at me for what felt like forever before she finally cleared her throat. “Oh, is that all?”

“You don’t know the half of it.” I sighed.

Everything was silent for a moment, before my mother looked behind my shoulder and looked frightened. “R-Rima, what are th-those things floating over your shoulder?”

I looked over my shoulder and, sure enough, there was Kusukusu and Yuri.

I smiled. Like the adults at Easter, when my mother knew that guardian characters existed: she could see them.

“The one in the clown costume is my chara, Kusukusu. The other one is Utau Hoshina’s chara named Yuri.” I introduced them.

Kusukusu looked innocently confused and she floated in front of my mother’s face, observing her. “You can see me?”

My mother instinctively backed up. “Y-yes. L-leave me alone!”

I laughed. “Kusukusu won’t hurt you.”

My mother hugged me. “I know she won’t. I’m just—a little freaked out. Thanks for telling me, Rima. I’m so glad you trusted me.”