My Everything

Chapter 4

The cool winter sky was refreshingly clear, unlike my tangled mind. School was dull like always, and I had run out of Hikari Classes for today. I really didn’t feel the need to attend class. The teacher at the front just droned on and on, I need not listen to a rerun of the text book that I had memorized twice already. It was similar to for the rest of our group of friends, all the top of the top of our respective grades, being tutored from a young age, it was something that was expected of the elite crowd. But we still dropped into classes from time to time, although it was not compulsory and not a necessity.

Unfortunately, today only my morning classes were the same as Hikari’s. I really found no point in going without her. There really was nothing to look forward to. Nothing drew me to class. Nothing made me excited. Nothing gave me even the smallest glimmer of happiness or relief. No, instead the monotonous classrooms only reminded me of the suffocating enclosure erected by my grandfather.

I was at my usual spot. In the usual position. Thinking of the usual thing.

The meadow above the school was my secret place. It was like the scene that I saw out of the window of freedom from the entrapping prison, a place that was free from any of the modern worlds grasps. A place free from the prejudices and the judgemental expectations weighing down the atmosphere of the world. A place where I could get lost by myself in lonely thoughts. A place of truly nothing.

But that didn’t mean that the place was desolate. Within its free nothingness I found consolidation and succumbed to the charm of the small hidden meadow. Enclosed by trees, I doubted that even the wanderlust Tadashi had visited here. Unexpectedly through layer after layer of grotesque forest shrubbery and overgrown weeds, I had stumbled into this sanctuary. The grass was pristine, almost magical that it was kept so well amongst the swamp of bush that surrounded our school. Always, whether it be summer, spring, winter or autumn the sky was washed over with a pale blue. A cool colour that was able to be revitalizing yet blanket me in total calmness. It was funny, although this area was still some what part of the school, the sky always seemed to be look different here. Clearer? Bluer? Transparent? Tranquil? The answer to simplicity.

Countless times already this year I had come to visit this secret clearing. Again I was laying flat on my back, drawing shapes above that didn’t exist, letting my thoughts lead into the endless space of calmness. Even though it was the coldness of winter, the ground beneath me was insulating and slightly warmer than myself. This was certainly a mysterious, yet magical, place, and without it the purgatory of school would have been less bearable.

My thoughts drifted back to Hikari. I wonder where she is right now. I could clearly outline in my mind, her every detail. Her shiny long black hair, luxurious in its silkiness, flowed effortlessly around her framing her pretty face like a halo. Her petite frame that was light and agile but also surprisingly strong. She was athletic, academic, intelligent, cute, friendly and could do anything in her determination. I loved her small pretty face, her petite mouth that I longed to kiss, her cute button nose and of course her expressive shining eyes that always had a glint of competitive excitement and knowledge. Her eyes that always challenged me if the occasion arose. Her eye that seemed like windows into her pure soul. Her eyes that seem to reflect back at me and like the crystal sky washed a wave of serenity over me.

My eyes subconsciously drifted through the blockade of forest shrubbery to a distant image. Here I could also see the opening gates of the school where I had first bumped into Hikari. The old red brick walls enclosing our massive school and the black metal gates flooded me with nostalgia and sadness. It had been over a year now since I met her, and fell for her. We met nearly everyday. And on those lucky weekends when my father wanted to meet his wrestling buddy on the weekends if both of us weren’t busy. My feelings were hopefully not too obvious. But she was an observant girl, always with a glimmer of knowledge behind her eyes. She could pick up even the subtlest clues and hints. Yet, to my sadness, she could never understand the overwhelming emotions I held for her.

Sighing out loud, I wondered if it is better this way. Maybe it is better that she is oblivious to me, as it allows me to stand next to her as her friend, as her rival. I would have to be satisfied with that for now. I could not live if she ran away from me, if she was out of my life. No, if staying as just merely her friend kept her by my side I was willing to stay where I was. But still it hurt.

The school bell rang in my ears, had so much time already passed. I sat up, dusting myself, ready to make my way back to school grounds, when I spied a black streak. I could immediately recognise her even from such a distance. A small smile played on my lips.

Hikari.