Because That Is How We Are

Chapter 3: More Dumb Blonde Jokes! And A Wedding?

Tadase shut his eyes and counted to ten. Really, Kukai was going insane with his dumb blonde jokes!

"OK so I got another!" Kukai said wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.

"Ahh, please Soma-kun, I don't really think—"

"In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old. A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

"That's very funny, Soma-kun," Tadase said through gritted teeth.

"But there are even better ones Tadase!" Kukai exclaimed and continued. "Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?"

"Soma-kun…"

"From crawling across the street when the cross sign said 'do not walk'!"

"Er, Soma-kun, that's not very funny," Tadase said through gritted teeth.

"Of course it is!" Kukai said, slapping his blonde friend on the back.

"No not really."

"But it's not half as funny as Utau's face was when—" Kukai began laughing but stopped immediately when the doors were flung open and who should step in, but Utau!

"Oh crap," he whispered.

To say Utau was exerting extreme fury would be a severe understatement. (A/N: just imagine the way she reacted when Ikuto made the comment about going to the amusement park with Amu in episode 29…scary, I know)

"You got away from me once Soma, but you never will again," she screamed. Kukai turned pale and struggled to think of a way to escape this dangerous situation.

"C'mon Tadase let's—" he began but stopped when he saw that his best friend was inching away. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"Nope," Tadase replied and took off.

Kukai scowled at his friend's betrayal.

That meant there was only one thing left to do.

"Heeeeeeeeey Utau-chan!" Kukai called.

"Don't call me that," the blonde girl snapped.

"I gotta joke for you!" Kukai said.

"NO!" Utau screamed.

"On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, 'How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?' 'That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.' After pondering his answer, she asked, 'What happens if there's no one there I know?'" Kukai continued.

Utau sweat-dropped.

"I can't believe you keep making those jokes," she said darkly.

"Yeah, I can't either," Kukai muttered.

"Say what?"

"Nothing!!"

Utau sighed.

"Well then I should probably get back to killing you," she said, although Kukai could swear—but in his desperate need for a plan—he could hear regret in her voice.

His jaw dropped. No way…was it possible that Utau didn't want to kill him? Was it possible that she was here to confess her TRUE LOVE TO HIM??????

Yes, Kukai was very, very, very desperate for some way out. And as we all know, when in desperate times, desperate ideas frequently come to our minds.

"I know why you came," Kukai said in awe.

"Eh?"

Utau stared at the boy who was on his knees with a huge smile gracing his lips.

"YOU CAME HERE TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME DIDN'T YOU!!" Kukai cried joyfully and Utau attempted to take a step back.

"You can't be serious! I don't—" Utau all but screamed s she struggled to escape Kukai's embrace.

"Don't be shy Utau-koi! I feel the same way!"

"Koi?! He did not just…" Utau stared at the irrational child in amazement. Weren't there limits to how stupid someone could be?

"And at our wedding, I can be the entertainer!"

Utau came back into reality to comprehend Kukai planning their wedding.

"What wedding? Wait, our wedding? We aren't getting married!"

"Oh course we are! And I'll be there telling jokes!" Kukai explained. "Do you want to hear one?"

"Oh please no…" Utau gasped.

"What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?"

"!!!" Utau cried.

"The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own!" Kukai replied laughing. Utau kept glaring at Kukai till he stopped laughing. A twinkle appeared in his eyes and terror filled Utau.

"You know the saddest thing about us being together like this is that your brother will probably get jealous," Kukai said in a sing-song voice.

The blonde singer smiled brilliantly.

"You think so?" she asked.

"Please my love, I know so," Kukai assured her.

"I'll go search for a party planner!" Utau cried excitedly before running out the door, the whole wedding unfolding in her mind. Just before she could say "I do" Ikuto would come rushing through the door, sweep her off her feet and take Kukai's place!!

"Take that Hinamori Amu," Utau said gleefully.

As soon as Utau was out of eye and ear sight Kukai breathed a sigh.

"I can't believe that worked," he said. But Kukai underestimated the power of a girl who has her eyes set on a boy ( even if that boy is her blood brother) and failed to realized that by putting the idea that Utau could make Ikuto jealous by getting together with someone else…Kukai had put himself in a dangerous situation. A very, very dangerous situation.