I had a dream.
In my dream, I sat under our tree alone. Far ahead of me, I saw my brother with a pretty lady. She held him and kissed him and knew his secret (our secret). She didn't mind. Jun was happy. So was I. (Even though I still minded a bit, was still a little sad.)
Even farther ahead, it was so blurry that I almost couldn't see it. I almost couldn't see your shape on the horizon. You were far away from me... far away from Jun... so far that it was nearly too difficult to see you. Too difficult to see the shape beside you. The shape kissing your shape, and your shape kissing back.
It was difficult to see, but not impossible.
The eyes that watched you two, seperating yourselves from me, growing closer to the other two and farther apart from me, noted my state of solitude. And I was afraid.
Was I not enough? Should I have done something more to keep you here with me? Did I hold on too long? Did I not hold on long enough? Should I have stayed awake all of those times we had under the tree? Should I have spoken to you? Should I have let you know how much you meant to me before I lost my chance?
Is all lost now?
Will you ever know how much you... both of you... mean to me?
Because I love you. So much. So much.
I woke from the dream, trembling a little, crying a little more, with your hand on my shoulder and Jun's face hovering nearby. We lay in the shade of our tree, a breeze toussling your hair. You were both worried. Worried and here. (I take your hand.) Here with me. (And smile and squeeze and cry just a few. More. Tears.) And I wasn't lonely.
Not anymore.
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