Evolution

When Kaoru spoke, it was like the feel of an accomplished prank or seeing a smile on a pretty girl's face or unexpectedly gaining a large net profit or eating chocolate cake or seeing a smile on your best friend's face or ohtoro. It was a fluttering sort of feeling that could not be distinguished from the other warm, fuzzy feelings that he got when he was happy. So Hikaru assumed that Kaoru's voice was something special.

He didn't mind so much now that Kaoru's voice was different; however, he was rather upset a few years ago when they crossed the blurry line of puberty.

Kaoru had been reading Shakespeare out loud (he simply insisted that plays were better spoken). Hikaru hadn't cared at first as he effortlessly completed a set of mathematical problems. But then he listened and he became captivated.

And Hikaru had felt almost jealous. Almost.

"Out, damned spot!" Kaoru had exclaimed with a passion that seemed to snatch at Hikaru's breath and tug it from his throat. He had then closed the book and set it aside, smiling at Hikaru who had been watching. "I'm hungry."

From then on, Hikaru always listened to Kaoru read his plays, idly wondering if he sounded nearly as . . . as . . .

He could never come up with a proper adjective, and he decided that that was just fine. Because he knew he probably didn't sound like Kaoru no matter how many genes they shared and no matter how alike they were in everything else.

When Kaoru spoke, it was like happiness.

xxx

Hikaru usually knew exactly what Kaoru was going to say next, but sometimes he kept his mouth shut so he can simply listen. Kaoru knew this and didn't care.

"You know," Haruhi said one day, tilting her head, "you're so obvious it almost hurts."

xxx

"Hikaru, you've been staring at me for the past five minutes. Are you okay?"

Hikaru blinked before shaking his head. Grinning as he always did, he turned back to his schoolwork and quickly scribbled a haphazard answer that he was certain was incorrect. "Yeah, I was just thinking about this problem."

Curiously, Kaoru sauntered behind his twin and peeked at his worksheet. He raised an eyebrow. "Now I know you're not okay. Even I know that that answer is wrong."

Hikaru suppressed a shiver of delight.

Kaoru, still leaning over Hikaru's shoulder, looked at his brother from the corner of his eye. "Hmm?"

Eyes closed over glazed eyes and a sigh interpreted as content passed through wanting lips.

The younger twin was starting to get the idea. He might not know exactly what Hikaru was thinking all the time, but he knew him well enough to guess. He grinned, a fun game quickly formulating in his devious mind. Kaoru wrapped his arms around the other, pressing their cheeks together, and whispering softly, "Hikaru . . ."

"Y-yeah?" Hikaru was nervous and intoxicated and light-headed all at the same time.

"Do you want to . . ." A pause. Kaoru's tongue lightly glided over the edge of Hikaru's ear.

Hikaru thought he was going to die at any moment.

A long silence eroded the lusty mood, and Kaoru groaned as he rested his chin on a shoulder. "How are you so good at being seme?"

Because you make it easy with that goddamn voice.

xxx

Every single time, it was like magic. It had him wanting more, and that was what scared him the most. He was inexperienced with handling his emotions maturely and often threw them around and brushed them off his sleeve at whim. Every other time, he always had Kaoru.

And this time, it involved Kaoru, and now he was alone.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if he knew exactly what he was feeling and what he wanted – needed.

And all he knew was that he wanted Kaoru.

Hikaru assumed that it was probably stupid of him to want something he already had.

xxx

Haruhi sat next to a daydreaming twin on the settee. She took a moment to take in his expression and his stance and the way his eyes were unusually glassy. She took one quick look around the third music room and back to the Hitachiin. "Hikaru, where's Kaoru?"

"Bathroom."

"Oh."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I just assumed you two went to the bathroom together," Haruhi explained, shrugging.

"We're not joined at the hip, you know."

"Yes you are."

xxx

One day, Hikaru decided that he probably wanted to hear Kaoru moan under him in pleasure.

xxx

During school and more often at home, Hikaru would often daydream about just how lovely Kaoru would sound in the throes of ecstasy.

And when he and Kaoru caught each other's eye, he felt guilty and dirty and perverted.

As a solution, he would try to focus solely on his schoolwork or a television program or even an uninteresting chandelier. He tried to 'clear his mind' and meditate. Unfortunately and inevitably, his mind delved into a sort of stream of consciousness, and he ended up thinking about his brother anyway.

His favourite scenario was in the solitude of an empty classroom. Right on top of their teacher's desk. He could literally feel the adrenaline of risk, the anticipation of being discovered in such intimacy. The sound of Kaoru's muffled pleasure were delicious to his ears. It thrilled him every time.

In the solitude of the bathroom while Kaoru was sleeping, Hikaru watched himself in the mirror as he cured the results of a particularly vivid dream. He wondered if Kaoru would make those same faces. He probably would, but that didn't matter because he would always sound different.

His own grunts would be moans; his own pants would be whimpers.

The cycle would continue the next day with a whole new daydream to add to his mental collection.

Kaoru didn't know that Hikaru thought about him in that way, just as Hikaru didn't know that Kaoru thought about him even more.