Why do we live life? Why do we live, when we die? Why do we live, just to see loved ones die? What's the purpose of being alive, if all we're going to do is die? It's like we wake up, then we die the next day. Or when you see someone you care deeply about, dies. It's just not fair. Why should their life get taken away? Why is there the living? Why is there the dead? It's just not fair. If that's going to happen, and we all die soon enough, then screw living! There is no true purpose of living. Except one…maybe. To find your true self, or a perfect someone for you, and you can spend your life with them until they die. Until everyone dies. Until everyone freaking dies. And then you either go to heaven or hell. The pure go to heaver, and evil go to hell. What the hell is that? You die then you get put into a category like some kind of food item? I don't think so. If I die, which I don't understand the reason for living, I just want to die. No heaven no hell. Whatever. Life and death, today and tomorrow, yin and yang, good and bad, heaven and hell, angel and devil. Life is so confusing. And I just want to die right now. Life is nothing. Death is nothing. The world is nothing.
-Danny
The rain pummeled towards the ground. The sky was dark, and thunder was cracking. Faint lightning lit the sky every few seconds. And as some people would say, the spirits were roaming. A young adult stepped out of his car, and looked at the cemetery with dull face. He was about 30-40ish. He had messy black hair, pale ice blue eyes, he had a gold ring on his hand, and his black suit wasn't enough to hide his thin form.
The man held a black rose in his hands and started to walk forward, as if he was trying to find a sertin grave.
He stopped at a grave that had a angel on top of it.
"This is the one." He said in almost a shaky dull voice.
He stepped forward and looked down. Tears started falling down his face.
"Damn, life sucks. I wish you were still here…" His voice was even more shaky now that he was crying. He quickly wiped away the tears and started talking again.
" So I'm doing fine. I haven't been getting a lot sleep lately, and I have a disease, which I forgot the name of.. Zora's fine too if you're wondering. I feel bad about she not knowing who you are, and what a wonderful you were. But stupid life took you from me, and Zora. Zora is growing quickly. She has the personality of you and your beauty. Her eyes are a deep purple, from you of course, but they change from purple to green when she's angry. Heh, she probably got that trait from me. She basically got every trait from you. Nothing from me. If only you could see her."
The man smiled weakly, ignoring the pouring rain. He sighed and continued on.
"Zora's so great. She's so sweet, and not one of those damn noisy kids. God I hates those. And whenever she looks at your picture, she say you look like an angel. She was right. You were my angel. My messiah."
He laughed and looked up to the sky. And let the rain fall down onto his face. He looked back at the grave and took a deep breath.
"I'll never forget how I met you. Heh, you were kicking the guts out of Dash. I remember what I used to be. And I hated it. I hated every single bit of it. I hated it then, I hate it now. And here I am, talking to a grave. The grave doesn't matter, I just hope you can here me, or coming here would be pointless."
"You know Zora has two friends, Mandala, is a African black girl, and Touya, a American goth guy. It sort of sounds like Me, you and Tuck huh. Speaking of Tucker, he finally got married, and he moved away. But before he left, he was doing great. His wife, Ahnya, was really nice. Kind of weird though, you know. I was actually hoping that Zora would be friends with one of Tuck's kids, but she's just alone. Our little Zora. Alone."
The suited man scratched his head and sighed. He shook his head, like he was disappointed, and continued to talk.
"God, I hate life. Life took you away from me. Now our daughter is living it, and I just want to leave it. I hate it so much. And the funny thing is, I'm alive and dead at the same time. But I just want to die. And the other day, Zora said "I can't wait what life has in store for me!" I feel so sorry for her. I wish I could tell her. But I can't. I just can't."
The man started crying again, not bothering to wipe away the tears. He stared at his watch and wiped away his tears again. He bent forward and put the rose on the grave. He stood back up and backed up.
"I wish I could bring you back. But I can't. I have to go now, and pick Zora up from her friends house. Sorry you're missing your owns daughter's childhood. But maybe it's good so you don't have to see anything painful happen to her. I hope you are up in heaven now. Well, see you later Sam. I'll be seeing you soon. And joining you."
He walked back to his car and looked at the grave again. He smiled as the rain started to clear up.
"I promise Sam. I'll see you soon."
He got in his car and drove away from the cemetery, as the sun shined on the grave with the angel on top of it. It read
Samantha Manson
1969-2003
Died a Wife, a Mom, a Daughter, a Friend
Blackened skies, of night and day,
We all mourn of your life taken away
The man in his car looked back as he was getting farther and father away from his wife's grave. He sighed an looked in the mirror, and saw a sad face, dim eyes, and messed up hair. He shook his head and continued to drive away onto a bridge.
"Danny Fenton, what have you gotten yourself into to? I made a promise to Sam, and I never broke a promise, and I won't start now. I promise you Sam, we'll be together again. Like the old days, Danny and Sam. I'll see you soon."
Danny said sadly, and he closed his eyes. He let go of the steering wheel, and let the car swivel of the bridge. The car started pummeling down towards the ground. Danny started crying and he pulled his jacket closer.
"I'm coming Sam. I'm coming."
He whispered just as the car smashed into the cement below, and started to light on fire. An ambulance's sirens rang through the air. But he knew they would do any good. Danny was dead. Danny was gone. But he was back with Sam heaven, and he was happy.
But not everyone was. So you really can't call this a happy ending.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Stay With Me
you know I can't stay long
all I wanted to say was i love you and I'm not afraid
can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
The rain pounded furiously on the ground. Lightning flicked its tongue across the sky followed by a roar of thunder. The atmosphere was like an angry beast. Two lone figures where sheltered in a nearby alleyway watching the rain fall to the concrete cement. "Wow, It's coming down hard." Sam commented softly her eyes dancing with pleasure. Danny glanced at her in surprise. "You're not nervous in a storm like this?" he asked. Sam shook her head grinning slightly. "I find the rain... comforting. Sometimes when I'm sad it's like I can reach out and talk to it." Her eyes widened in embarrassment. "Uh...I'm sorry. I'm babbling again." She muttered apologetically.
Danny couldn't hide a smile. "No worries. I feel like that too. You're the first person I met who likes storms." Sam looked at him. His black hair was thick with water. Droplets rolled down his cheekbones like crystals. And his eyes where the most gorgeous blue, they seemed to reflect the rain. Sam mentally slapped herself. What are you doing? He's you're best friend. Don't fall for him. Danny was watching Sam with a peculiar expression. "What's wrong Sam?" Sam gulped and felt blood rush to her cheeks. "You're cheeks are red Sam! Are you catching a fever?" he raised his hand and pressed it to her cheek. The feeling was like a sweet lighting bolt from the storm, sent into her heart.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
"N-no Danny I'm fine." She spluttered. Another thunder rumbled resounded through the sky. Danny blinked in concern. "If you want I can just fly you home right now. We don't need to wait here..." Sam cut him off. "No, that won't be necessary. I want to be alone with- I mean look at the rain a little longer." Her heart pounded painfully. Ah, crap. I'm in love with my best friend and we're both standing here alone in the pouring rain. What's a girl to do?
They both stood in silence for a while watching the storm rage itself on. Sam cleared her throat three times. Danny turned to her about to voice his concerns, but Sam cut him off. "You're worried about me Danny, but you should worry about yourself. I mean... you don't exactly have every day teenage problems." Danny nearly laughed out loud. "Part of my problems are to be concerned about you. To protect you. And not only from ghosts."
Now Sam examined him in concern. There was a tender sadness in his blue eyes. "So, don't worry about me Sam. Really." Danny finished that statement with finality. "Then who will worry about you Danny?" Sam whispered thickly, tears in her eyes. His blue eyes widened in surprise. "Oh man, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-" Sam cut him off with her finger to his lips. Her hand slowly moved down to his cheek. "Because I worry Danny. Whether you want it or not. That's how I feel."
Danny's heart jumped to his throat. Sam stroked his cheek gently. His cheek is soft...but cold as ice she thought. Danny closed his eyes for a brief second. Then blue eyes met violet. "How else do you feel?"
I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
Sam drew in a breath inhaling the sent of rain. The storm continued, but the only thing they could sense where each other. "I feel..." she began. She smiled at Danny. "I feel..." she didn't finish. Instead she slowly leaned forward. Her eyes closed and her lips connected to his. For a moment Danny stood in shock, but returned the kiss. Their arms went around each other as if to protect each other from the oncoming rain. Soon, they broke apart and stood speechless gazing into each other's eyes. Sam was the first to break the silence. "Danny...I think I have always been in love with you." She was surprised to hear Danny softly laughing. "You know something funny? So have I." Danny drank in her profile against the rain. She seemed even more beautiful then ever. He sighed and turned away. "But I was always afraid to get close to you. You would probably end up getting hurt by some ghost. Not that you already haven't."
Sam wrapped her arms firmly around him. "I don't care about that. I'll go with you into the ghost world if that's what you want. Just stay with me." Danny brushed a strand of raven black hair from her eyes. "I'll stay with you." They leaned forward and kissed again. The storm was beginning to blow itself out.
Both of them didn't notice a dark figure in the alleyway with a raised gun. Sam raised her head and stared in horror. No time to warn. No time to shout. She threw herself in front of Danny. The blast echoed throughout the alleyway in perfect harmony with the thunder.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
Sam fell forward in Danny's arms as scarlet blood pumped from her chest. Danny's face was expressionless, not knowing what to feel, uncomprehending what had happened. For what seemed an eternity he stared at the still figure in his arms. The click of a revolver brought Danny back to reality. In a second a scream of rage erupted from his lips... the lips he so tenderly used to kiss Sam. The assailant didn't have a chance to blink. Danny killed him so fast, he wasn't even sure what power he used to do it. Sobbing, Danny fell to his knees in front of Sam. Her face was paler then normal and blood spilled down from her mouth. "DAMN IT SAM!" he screamed in agony "Why did you do that! WHY!" She stirred in his arms and Danny held her to his chest, cradling her like an infant. She laughed slightly and coughed up blood. "I'm worried," was all she whispered. Danny was still cradling her and weeping into her hair. "Why now? Oh God, why now? Sam, don't do this! NO!" The rain had reached a steady downpour and was gently rolling off the two bodies. Sam's blood mingled with it. She coughed up more blood and used the last of her energy to brush Danny's tears away. "I find the rain comforting."
Closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
Danny couldn't speak through his tears. He didn't let go of Sam. He wouldn't let go. Not for the world. Not until her last breath. "SAM, DON"T LEAVE ME! DON'T GO!" he screamed. The sound resonated off the alley walls, seeming to mock him. What he said next was nearly inaudible. "Just stay with me." Sam closed her eyes the touch of a smile on her lips. "I'll stay with you."
Then she went still in Danny's arms. Her pulse of life was gone. Danny threw himself across Sam's body and wept. His tears fell in tune with the rain. Like the rain, it was comforting.
The storm had reached a drizzle. Like a gentle animal it wept over the two children. It wept over the world.
Say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black
all I wanted to say was i love you and I'm not afraid
can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
The rain pounded furiously on the ground. Lightning flicked its tongue across the sky followed by a roar of thunder. The atmosphere was like an angry beast. Two lone figures where sheltered in a nearby alleyway watching the rain fall to the concrete cement. "Wow, It's coming down hard." Sam commented softly her eyes dancing with pleasure. Danny glanced at her in surprise. "You're not nervous in a storm like this?" he asked. Sam shook her head grinning slightly. "I find the rain... comforting. Sometimes when I'm sad it's like I can reach out and talk to it." Her eyes widened in embarrassment. "Uh...I'm sorry. I'm babbling again." She muttered apologetically.
Danny couldn't hide a smile. "No worries. I feel like that too. You're the first person I met who likes storms." Sam looked at him. His black hair was thick with water. Droplets rolled down his cheekbones like crystals. And his eyes where the most gorgeous blue, they seemed to reflect the rain. Sam mentally slapped herself. What are you doing? He's you're best friend. Don't fall for him. Danny was watching Sam with a peculiar expression. "What's wrong Sam?" Sam gulped and felt blood rush to her cheeks. "You're cheeks are red Sam! Are you catching a fever?" he raised his hand and pressed it to her cheek. The feeling was like a sweet lighting bolt from the storm, sent into her heart.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
"N-no Danny I'm fine." She spluttered. Another thunder rumbled resounded through the sky. Danny blinked in concern. "If you want I can just fly you home right now. We don't need to wait here..." Sam cut him off. "No, that won't be necessary. I want to be alone with- I mean look at the rain a little longer." Her heart pounded painfully. Ah, crap. I'm in love with my best friend and we're both standing here alone in the pouring rain. What's a girl to do?
They both stood in silence for a while watching the storm rage itself on. Sam cleared her throat three times. Danny turned to her about to voice his concerns, but Sam cut him off. "You're worried about me Danny, but you should worry about yourself. I mean... you don't exactly have every day teenage problems." Danny nearly laughed out loud. "Part of my problems are to be concerned about you. To protect you. And not only from ghosts."
Now Sam examined him in concern. There was a tender sadness in his blue eyes. "So, don't worry about me Sam. Really." Danny finished that statement with finality. "Then who will worry about you Danny?" Sam whispered thickly, tears in her eyes. His blue eyes widened in surprise. "Oh man, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-" Sam cut him off with her finger to his lips. Her hand slowly moved down to his cheek. "Because I worry Danny. Whether you want it or not. That's how I feel."
Danny's heart jumped to his throat. Sam stroked his cheek gently. His cheek is soft...but cold as ice she thought. Danny closed his eyes for a brief second. Then blue eyes met violet. "How else do you feel?"
I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
Sam drew in a breath inhaling the sent of rain. The storm continued, but the only thing they could sense where each other. "I feel..." she began. She smiled at Danny. "I feel..." she didn't finish. Instead she slowly leaned forward. Her eyes closed and her lips connected to his. For a moment Danny stood in shock, but returned the kiss. Their arms went around each other as if to protect each other from the oncoming rain. Soon, they broke apart and stood speechless gazing into each other's eyes. Sam was the first to break the silence. "Danny...I think I have always been in love with you." She was surprised to hear Danny softly laughing. "You know something funny? So have I." Danny drank in her profile against the rain. She seemed even more beautiful then ever. He sighed and turned away. "But I was always afraid to get close to you. You would probably end up getting hurt by some ghost. Not that you already haven't."
Sam wrapped her arms firmly around him. "I don't care about that. I'll go with you into the ghost world if that's what you want. Just stay with me." Danny brushed a strand of raven black hair from her eyes. "I'll stay with you." They leaned forward and kissed again. The storm was beginning to blow itself out.
Both of them didn't notice a dark figure in the alleyway with a raised gun. Sam raised her head and stared in horror. No time to warn. No time to shout. She threw herself in front of Danny. The blast echoed throughout the alleyway in perfect harmony with the thunder.
Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
Sam fell forward in Danny's arms as scarlet blood pumped from her chest. Danny's face was expressionless, not knowing what to feel, uncomprehending what had happened. For what seemed an eternity he stared at the still figure in his arms. The click of a revolver brought Danny back to reality. In a second a scream of rage erupted from his lips... the lips he so tenderly used to kiss Sam. The assailant didn't have a chance to blink. Danny killed him so fast, he wasn't even sure what power he used to do it. Sobbing, Danny fell to his knees in front of Sam. Her face was paler then normal and blood spilled down from her mouth. "DAMN IT SAM!" he screamed in agony "Why did you do that! WHY!" She stirred in his arms and Danny held her to his chest, cradling her like an infant. She laughed slightly and coughed up blood. "I'm worried," was all she whispered. Danny was still cradling her and weeping into her hair. "Why now? Oh God, why now? Sam, don't do this! NO!" The rain had reached a steady downpour and was gently rolling off the two bodies. Sam's blood mingled with it. She coughed up more blood and used the last of her energy to brush Danny's tears away. "I find the rain comforting."
Closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
Danny couldn't speak through his tears. He didn't let go of Sam. He wouldn't let go. Not for the world. Not until her last breath. "SAM, DON"T LEAVE ME! DON'T GO!" he screamed. The sound resonated off the alley walls, seeming to mock him. What he said next was nearly inaudible. "Just stay with me." Sam closed her eyes the touch of a smile on her lips. "I'll stay with you."
Then she went still in Danny's arms. Her pulse of life was gone. Danny threw himself across Sam's body and wept. His tears fell in tune with the rain. Like the rain, it was comforting.
The storm had reached a drizzle. Like a gentle animal it wept over the two children. It wept over the world.
Say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black
Commotion
After so much commotion that night at the dance - between fighting dragons and trying to keep his dad away from his teachers, - just relaxing and going home were the first thing on Danny Fenton's mind. Little did he know, his racing pulse was yet to slow down to a healthy pace...
"Look, the deejay's still playing... and I think there's time for one last dance," said a beautiful, black-haired girl that wasn't the ever-popular Paulina. Paulina, on the other hand, was leaning against the wall with a look of disgust on her face, due to her company: the also ever-popular Dash Baxter.
Danny looked at the girl who had just offered him the thing he had wanted most – Sam.
"I'd love to," he said on impulse. Just as he had become more comfortable in his own skin, he wound up in another dangerous situation.
How do I get myself into these messes? He thought, bewildered.
Sam smiled at him and asked playfully, "Promise me you'll keep your pants up?"
Danny laughed. "I'll do my best!"
Thank goodness nobody else heard that little remark, or they would have thought some things. It was merely a private joke, one nobody else would really understand. Sam laughed with him as they swayed in time to the music. Tucker was screaming about something nearby, but everything else just seemed to fade away. Danny looked at Sam, who was just a tad shorter than him, and suddenly his heart began to pound so hard he swore she would hear it. Even at arms' length, close enough to touch but not so close that he would lose his cool, she seemed to see right through him.
Oh no, he thought, horrified. Maybe I'm going ghost! Maybe my pants fell down again! Maybe in my overactive state of mind I'm losing it and I'm going to turn invisible and drop her! Maybe...
"Danny?" Sam asked.
"Yeah?" he replied, snapping out of his nervous string of thoughts, and sounding very hopeful.
"You're stepping on my foot."
A deep crimson flushed from Danny's forehead down to his chin.
"Sorry," he moved and chuckled softly.
The song was just midway, and Sam scooted a bit closer to him. Danny sucked in a sharp breath that he prayed was silent. She rested her head on his shoulder, obviously worn from the crazy and tiring day. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to breathe again. When he did, he inhaled the scent of Sam's shampoo. She didn't have on ten gallons of perfume like most girls at school, she just smelled lightly of wildflowers...
His thoughts were interrupted yet again by mumbling in his shoulder.
"What, now?" he asked Sam, who still rested her head on his shoulder. He swore he faintly heard her mutter something like "this wasn't supposed to happen like this..." He pulled her gently from his shoulder and looked at her face.
"What wasn't supposed to happen like what?" he asked nervously, his heart hammering into his ribs like it driving nails into walls.
"Nothing!" the 'Ultra-recyclo vegetarian' stammered.
"Oh," Danny said, almost sounding disappointed.
"I'm... I'm sorry about the whole Paulina thing. I shouldn't have given you a hard time about her. It's not up to me who you date and who you don't," Sam laughed. She looked down nervously at her shoes, probably hoping Danny would step on her feet again - hard.
How many times had they been alone like this? Well, like this? Never. But had they ever been really truly alone? Sam glanced over Danny's shoulder to see where Tucker had wondered off. She then realized that the whole gym was empty, minus the deejay packing up his stuff.
She and Danny were still swaying silently, and she prayed silently that they would for a short while. But, to her dismay, she closed her eyes and held her breath when he stopped moving. He must've been lost in thought, too, because he hadn't realized the song ended, either. They stood there, with his hands on her waist and her wrists grazing his neck, awkwardly for a moment.
"I think the song ended," Danny smirked.
"I think so too," Sam laughed, and dropped her hands carefully.
"So I guess I'll be heading home." Danny said, shrugging.
"Yeah, I guess I will, too." Sam nodded. They slowly moved from their spots in the middle of the dance floor and headed for the exit doors.
"Thanks for the dance," Sam smiled. "How did you know I wanted to go, anyway?"
"Oh I didn't…" he started.
She rolled her eyes. "Tucker had bright green eyes, AND he had pupils. Do you think I'm that stupid?"
"I guess I did," Danny blushed again, scratching his neck.
"But I forgive you. You made it fun anyway." Sam smiled at him.
He smiled back at her wistfully, wishing he could stop the world for just a moment. But it was getting later and later, and if his hidden feelings had stayed hidden this long, they could at least wait overnight... or maybe longer. It all depended on when he sorted things out in his head.
But when they reached Sam's house, where they had finally ended up, he looked at her in the glowing moonlight and almost melted in a puddle on her porch.
"Danny, you okay?" she asked him curiously.
"Fine!" he said, too quickly, and smiled broadly.
"Okay then... night," she said, opening her door.
"Night," Danny said, sticking his hands in his pockets. And as she shut the door, he walked down her front steps, and they both sighed loudly. But just for the sake of the moment, he turned and glanced over his shoulder, and found her standing longingly at her living room window. He smiled at her and she smiled back.
And whether he liked (or knew) it or not, something was definitely going on here... and it wasn't invisible anymore.
"Look, the deejay's still playing... and I think there's time for one last dance," said a beautiful, black-haired girl that wasn't the ever-popular Paulina. Paulina, on the other hand, was leaning against the wall with a look of disgust on her face, due to her company: the also ever-popular Dash Baxter.
Danny looked at the girl who had just offered him the thing he had wanted most – Sam.
"I'd love to," he said on impulse. Just as he had become more comfortable in his own skin, he wound up in another dangerous situation.
How do I get myself into these messes? He thought, bewildered.
Sam smiled at him and asked playfully, "Promise me you'll keep your pants up?"
Danny laughed. "I'll do my best!"
Thank goodness nobody else heard that little remark, or they would have thought some things. It was merely a private joke, one nobody else would really understand. Sam laughed with him as they swayed in time to the music. Tucker was screaming about something nearby, but everything else just seemed to fade away. Danny looked at Sam, who was just a tad shorter than him, and suddenly his heart began to pound so hard he swore she would hear it. Even at arms' length, close enough to touch but not so close that he would lose his cool, she seemed to see right through him.
Oh no, he thought, horrified. Maybe I'm going ghost! Maybe my pants fell down again! Maybe in my overactive state of mind I'm losing it and I'm going to turn invisible and drop her! Maybe...
"Danny?" Sam asked.
"Yeah?" he replied, snapping out of his nervous string of thoughts, and sounding very hopeful.
"You're stepping on my foot."
A deep crimson flushed from Danny's forehead down to his chin.
"Sorry," he moved and chuckled softly.
The song was just midway, and Sam scooted a bit closer to him. Danny sucked in a sharp breath that he prayed was silent. She rested her head on his shoulder, obviously worn from the crazy and tiring day. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to breathe again. When he did, he inhaled the scent of Sam's shampoo. She didn't have on ten gallons of perfume like most girls at school, she just smelled lightly of wildflowers...
His thoughts were interrupted yet again by mumbling in his shoulder.
"What, now?" he asked Sam, who still rested her head on his shoulder. He swore he faintly heard her mutter something like "this wasn't supposed to happen like this..." He pulled her gently from his shoulder and looked at her face.
"What wasn't supposed to happen like what?" he asked nervously, his heart hammering into his ribs like it driving nails into walls.
"Nothing!" the 'Ultra-recyclo vegetarian' stammered.
"Oh," Danny said, almost sounding disappointed.
"I'm... I'm sorry about the whole Paulina thing. I shouldn't have given you a hard time about her. It's not up to me who you date and who you don't," Sam laughed. She looked down nervously at her shoes, probably hoping Danny would step on her feet again - hard.
How many times had they been alone like this? Well, like this? Never. But had they ever been really truly alone? Sam glanced over Danny's shoulder to see where Tucker had wondered off. She then realized that the whole gym was empty, minus the deejay packing up his stuff.
She and Danny were still swaying silently, and she prayed silently that they would for a short while. But, to her dismay, she closed her eyes and held her breath when he stopped moving. He must've been lost in thought, too, because he hadn't realized the song ended, either. They stood there, with his hands on her waist and her wrists grazing his neck, awkwardly for a moment.
"I think the song ended," Danny smirked.
"I think so too," Sam laughed, and dropped her hands carefully.
"So I guess I'll be heading home." Danny said, shrugging.
"Yeah, I guess I will, too." Sam nodded. They slowly moved from their spots in the middle of the dance floor and headed for the exit doors.
"Thanks for the dance," Sam smiled. "How did you know I wanted to go, anyway?"
"Oh I didn't…" he started.
She rolled her eyes. "Tucker had bright green eyes, AND he had pupils. Do you think I'm that stupid?"
"I guess I did," Danny blushed again, scratching his neck.
"But I forgive you. You made it fun anyway." Sam smiled at him.
He smiled back at her wistfully, wishing he could stop the world for just a moment. But it was getting later and later, and if his hidden feelings had stayed hidden this long, they could at least wait overnight... or maybe longer. It all depended on when he sorted things out in his head.
But when they reached Sam's house, where they had finally ended up, he looked at her in the glowing moonlight and almost melted in a puddle on her porch.
"Danny, you okay?" she asked him curiously.
"Fine!" he said, too quickly, and smiled broadly.
"Okay then... night," she said, opening her door.
"Night," Danny said, sticking his hands in his pockets. And as she shut the door, he walked down her front steps, and they both sighed loudly. But just for the sake of the moment, he turned and glanced over his shoulder, and found her standing longingly at her living room window. He smiled at her and she smiled back.
And whether he liked (or knew) it or not, something was definitely going on here... and it wasn't invisible anymore.
It Always Returns
It's another one of those days. You know, the days when nothing goes right, and there's nothing your favorite lucky t-shirt can do about it? A day when you have no time for breakfast, forget your lunch money, manage to scrounge up $.50 in pocket change for a soda to take the edge off your hunger, and then have the school jock grab you from behind and force the drink to upend all over you?
Danny's having one of those days. I can see it in the stain on his shirt and the dull look in his eyes as he sits down briefly at the table the three of us customarily share at lunch. And more importantly, I can *feel* it in here, in my head. I can always feel it when he's like this. I'm not sure when it started, fifth or sixth grade maybe? But what started out as just sympathy when I noticed turned to empathy that *made* me notice, which turned into... into... whatever this thing is that links us now.
He's my best friend. My best, truest, most trusted friend.
Clumsy Danny Fenton, barred for life from all breakables (especially the expensive ones) at school. Shy Danny Fenton, who can barely articulate words in the presence of "cute" members of the female species. Myself excluded, lucky me. You sure know how to reinforce a girl's inferiority complex, Danny.
Goofy, idiodic, innocent, child-like Danny Fenton, who wears his basic immaturity like a favorite t-shirt. Owner of the patented 'impossible to look at and not smile' doofus grin. Go on, try looking at that thing sometime and keeping control of your facial muscles.
And.. dare I call him *cute* Danny Fenton? With his midnight-dark hair, a few shades darker than even my own, that frames his sunshiney-day blue eyes that look out with typical optimism and hope on a world that's too damned ugly to appreciate him.
Half-dead, or maybe barely "alive" Danny Fenton, whose "life" is probably doomed to be forever plagued with abilities that he can hardly manage control over. He does try, though. He tries so hard that it looks like it could finish killing him sometimes. This is the Danny that scares me the most. It's the most mature and focused of the many sides of him, but it's also the part that feels like.. well... death. His personality is virtually unchanged, save for the die-hard determination and at times almost ridiculous courage.
It's just that I wonder, you know? I see his arm vanish when he didn't intend it to, and he hopes fervently that no one noticed. I watch him pull together desperate plans to capture rouge spirits and notice that while in true life he's awkward and clumsy, his spirit is absolutely perfectly graceful. Like he belongs more in that ghostly afterlife form than in his rightful corporeal one. When he's a teenager, I feel his.. lostness. His feelings of insecurity. Of outsiderdom. When he's gone into his spirit form, he's got a lot more confidence and it's impossible not to be blown away at the feelings of power he experiences, even with his uncertain control.
Maybe that's why it scares me a little bit to see him like that. I'm afraid of him deciding that once he can fully control his transformations, he'll decide that he likes being Danny Phantom more than he enjoys being Danny Fenton.
The thought makes me a little sick, to tell you the truth. I don't want to lose him. So far, he's been as powerful, if not more so, than just about every ghost he's come up against, even with his precarious management over his skills. What will he become when he truly has mastered them? An image of Danny Phantom, master of all spirits and the afterlife, comes to mind; at once comical and terrifying.
I shake myself out of my reverie and look around the cafeteria. When did he get up and leave? Tucker is useless for information on the subject, wondering if our friend has gone to rinse off his shirt. I get up and leave. I have this paranoia now of him leaving us in a fit of dispair, and nothing's going to alleviate it except finding him. I wander outside into the yard beyond the cafeteria doors, where we inmates of the public high school are allowed whatever 'recreational' time we can squeeze in before the end of the lunch period. No sign of Danny. I realise slowly that I haven't felt his presence for a while.
That makes me worry, too.
A quick check of the halls, a quick hazardous glance into the boys' bathroom, I even checked the inside of his locker. No Danny.
I sigh in frustration, leaning up against the wall of the building and glaring up into the slightly cloudy spring sky. Where IS he? I wish that it was like those sci-fi novels, and I could just reach out with my mind and grab his consciousness and shake it sternly until he tells me where he is!
And then, suddenly I know. I know exactly where he's disappeared to. I don't look back as the school bell rings behind me, signalling the end of the lunch period. The rest of the day is totally meaningless at the moment. Then again, most of high school ultimately is, isn't it?
-
Sure enough, I've finally found him, almost half an hour after leaving school. It's sort of unreal, seeing him crouching in the cemetary, apparently unaware of anything around him except whatever he's staring so fixedly at on the ground in front of him.
"Danny?"
He turns at the sound of my voice, and manages to grin sheepishly. "So I guess it's your turn to hide now, huh?" he asks, making a pretty lame attempt at humor. I try and lean casually against a tall marker, remembering to be mindful of where I step.
"Cutting class? That's not like you."
He ducks his head slightly, either in acknowledgment or embarrassment. "I haven't really felt like myself, lately," he finally agrees, and turns back away from me again. "Sam, come and take a look at this. I felt this from school, and had to come check it out. It's just..." his voice breaks off, and I can't help but draw closer to see what it is that he's blown off half a school day for.
"Danny? What's the matter with her?" I stare in shock at the small furry form that lays curled in front of a black marker.
"She's dying, Sam." His voice breaks softly as he reaches to gently touch the ancient feline, who lifts her head wearily in response and lets out a soft, rusted-sounding purr. "She's dying right here, right now.. and I can feel it happening." His hand shakes a little, and the old cat leans forward to lick his fingers reassuringly.
I can't help but ask him. "What- what's it feel like? Is she... okay? Should we take her to a vet?"
He shakes his head and lifts his face so that our eyes meet. "She's okay.. she's just old, I think. I mean, look at her. That fur's so thin and grey now.. but once it was probably thick and jet black. I think- Sam, I think she *wants* to be here. She feels so... content." Tears have begun to fall from his eyes, and I reach to wipe them away as he stammers onward. "I can't feel anything except this.. peace and tranquility from her spirit. Not like the ghosts I've fought with.. they mostly feel like anger- blind anger and fear."
I watch the old cat as she lays down her head, with what I could swear was a little secretive cat smile on her furry face. She breathes in, breathes out, and then with a last slight sigh, she breathes no more. I can't help the small gasp that steals forth from my mouth, and I feel Danny's hand suddenly squeeze mine. The unfairness of it thunders in my head- that something so wonderful as an innocent creature should be given existance just to have it taken away again. Why?
I hear a sudden intake of breath from beside me, and steal a glance towards Danny. He's sitting up, watching something with rapt attention. A few tears still stain his cheeks, but a wondering smile is beginning to pull at his mouth. "Sam," he whispers reverently, "LOOK!"
I turn my head and am drawn, like my best friend beside me, into the spectacle taking place before us. A glimmer of light is rising forth from the remains of the feline, and as we watch, her spirit solidifies into a near-perfect replica of the original being. The ghostly cat licks and then chews absently at her shoulders, reaching awkwardly to crane her head into the proper position to reach.
"Nightengale!"
The tremorous quality of the voice betrays the owner, and so it's no surprise that as we look on, a faint apparition has joined us, ghostly tears streaming down her own cheeks as she reaches her hands out to the cat, drawing her close. A supernatural purr reaches my ears and I can't keep the smile away that's begun pulling at my mouth. The ghost girl smiles broadly at us, even as she and her companion begin to fade away.
"Thank you, for helping Nightengale and I meet again!" she calls to Danny, her voice echoing softly as they vanish into thin air.
Danny is smiling as I look back towards him, eyes once again shining with all the hope and fulfillment that should be there. His gaze drops back to the body of the cat, and he brushes a hand softly over the age-thinned fur. "You're welcome," he whispers, almost too softly to hear. My own eyes lift to the black stone, engraved with a picture of a feline shape along with the prerequisite name and dates. Those dates...
"Danny.. look at these numbers! That girl.. she wasn't much older than us!" I gasp, unnerved by what my eyes have just confirmed. Sure, her ghost looked young.. but...
"Yeah," Danny agrees, "Kinda makes you think, huh?" He smiles at me. "About what's really important?"
I smile back. "Yeah.. and how it's never too late to be reunited with who or what you love most." Now I know for sure, and I can't help but grin. Danny's not leaving us for the ghostly lifestyle, not now, not ever. Even if something happens and he should get "stuck" in his other form, just like that loyal and beloved pet cat, he'll ride the wait out until he's able to rejoin us once again here in the world of the living, or at worst, until we can join him.
"I want to go ask the groundsman if he'd mind burying Nightengale right here, where she wanted to be," Danny ventured softly. "Want to come?" I smile again and stand to follow him, casting a last glance back at the peaceful scene at the gravestone and at the phrase engraved just above the dead cats' body.
'May what you love always return to you'
Danny's having one of those days. I can see it in the stain on his shirt and the dull look in his eyes as he sits down briefly at the table the three of us customarily share at lunch. And more importantly, I can *feel* it in here, in my head. I can always feel it when he's like this. I'm not sure when it started, fifth or sixth grade maybe? But what started out as just sympathy when I noticed turned to empathy that *made* me notice, which turned into... into... whatever this thing is that links us now.
He's my best friend. My best, truest, most trusted friend.
Clumsy Danny Fenton, barred for life from all breakables (especially the expensive ones) at school. Shy Danny Fenton, who can barely articulate words in the presence of "cute" members of the female species. Myself excluded, lucky me. You sure know how to reinforce a girl's inferiority complex, Danny.
Goofy, idiodic, innocent, child-like Danny Fenton, who wears his basic immaturity like a favorite t-shirt. Owner of the patented 'impossible to look at and not smile' doofus grin. Go on, try looking at that thing sometime and keeping control of your facial muscles.
And.. dare I call him *cute* Danny Fenton? With his midnight-dark hair, a few shades darker than even my own, that frames his sunshiney-day blue eyes that look out with typical optimism and hope on a world that's too damned ugly to appreciate him.
Half-dead, or maybe barely "alive" Danny Fenton, whose "life" is probably doomed to be forever plagued with abilities that he can hardly manage control over. He does try, though. He tries so hard that it looks like it could finish killing him sometimes. This is the Danny that scares me the most. It's the most mature and focused of the many sides of him, but it's also the part that feels like.. well... death. His personality is virtually unchanged, save for the die-hard determination and at times almost ridiculous courage.
It's just that I wonder, you know? I see his arm vanish when he didn't intend it to, and he hopes fervently that no one noticed. I watch him pull together desperate plans to capture rouge spirits and notice that while in true life he's awkward and clumsy, his spirit is absolutely perfectly graceful. Like he belongs more in that ghostly afterlife form than in his rightful corporeal one. When he's a teenager, I feel his.. lostness. His feelings of insecurity. Of outsiderdom. When he's gone into his spirit form, he's got a lot more confidence and it's impossible not to be blown away at the feelings of power he experiences, even with his uncertain control.
Maybe that's why it scares me a little bit to see him like that. I'm afraid of him deciding that once he can fully control his transformations, he'll decide that he likes being Danny Phantom more than he enjoys being Danny Fenton.
The thought makes me a little sick, to tell you the truth. I don't want to lose him. So far, he's been as powerful, if not more so, than just about every ghost he's come up against, even with his precarious management over his skills. What will he become when he truly has mastered them? An image of Danny Phantom, master of all spirits and the afterlife, comes to mind; at once comical and terrifying.
I shake myself out of my reverie and look around the cafeteria. When did he get up and leave? Tucker is useless for information on the subject, wondering if our friend has gone to rinse off his shirt. I get up and leave. I have this paranoia now of him leaving us in a fit of dispair, and nothing's going to alleviate it except finding him. I wander outside into the yard beyond the cafeteria doors, where we inmates of the public high school are allowed whatever 'recreational' time we can squeeze in before the end of the lunch period. No sign of Danny. I realise slowly that I haven't felt his presence for a while.
That makes me worry, too.
A quick check of the halls, a quick hazardous glance into the boys' bathroom, I even checked the inside of his locker. No Danny.
I sigh in frustration, leaning up against the wall of the building and glaring up into the slightly cloudy spring sky. Where IS he? I wish that it was like those sci-fi novels, and I could just reach out with my mind and grab his consciousness and shake it sternly until he tells me where he is!
And then, suddenly I know. I know exactly where he's disappeared to. I don't look back as the school bell rings behind me, signalling the end of the lunch period. The rest of the day is totally meaningless at the moment. Then again, most of high school ultimately is, isn't it?
-
Sure enough, I've finally found him, almost half an hour after leaving school. It's sort of unreal, seeing him crouching in the cemetary, apparently unaware of anything around him except whatever he's staring so fixedly at on the ground in front of him.
"Danny?"
He turns at the sound of my voice, and manages to grin sheepishly. "So I guess it's your turn to hide now, huh?" he asks, making a pretty lame attempt at humor. I try and lean casually against a tall marker, remembering to be mindful of where I step.
"Cutting class? That's not like you."
He ducks his head slightly, either in acknowledgment or embarrassment. "I haven't really felt like myself, lately," he finally agrees, and turns back away from me again. "Sam, come and take a look at this. I felt this from school, and had to come check it out. It's just..." his voice breaks off, and I can't help but draw closer to see what it is that he's blown off half a school day for.
"Danny? What's the matter with her?" I stare in shock at the small furry form that lays curled in front of a black marker.
"She's dying, Sam." His voice breaks softly as he reaches to gently touch the ancient feline, who lifts her head wearily in response and lets out a soft, rusted-sounding purr. "She's dying right here, right now.. and I can feel it happening." His hand shakes a little, and the old cat leans forward to lick his fingers reassuringly.
I can't help but ask him. "What- what's it feel like? Is she... okay? Should we take her to a vet?"
He shakes his head and lifts his face so that our eyes meet. "She's okay.. she's just old, I think. I mean, look at her. That fur's so thin and grey now.. but once it was probably thick and jet black. I think- Sam, I think she *wants* to be here. She feels so... content." Tears have begun to fall from his eyes, and I reach to wipe them away as he stammers onward. "I can't feel anything except this.. peace and tranquility from her spirit. Not like the ghosts I've fought with.. they mostly feel like anger- blind anger and fear."
I watch the old cat as she lays down her head, with what I could swear was a little secretive cat smile on her furry face. She breathes in, breathes out, and then with a last slight sigh, she breathes no more. I can't help the small gasp that steals forth from my mouth, and I feel Danny's hand suddenly squeeze mine. The unfairness of it thunders in my head- that something so wonderful as an innocent creature should be given existance just to have it taken away again. Why?
I hear a sudden intake of breath from beside me, and steal a glance towards Danny. He's sitting up, watching something with rapt attention. A few tears still stain his cheeks, but a wondering smile is beginning to pull at his mouth. "Sam," he whispers reverently, "LOOK!"
I turn my head and am drawn, like my best friend beside me, into the spectacle taking place before us. A glimmer of light is rising forth from the remains of the feline, and as we watch, her spirit solidifies into a near-perfect replica of the original being. The ghostly cat licks and then chews absently at her shoulders, reaching awkwardly to crane her head into the proper position to reach.
"Nightengale!"
The tremorous quality of the voice betrays the owner, and so it's no surprise that as we look on, a faint apparition has joined us, ghostly tears streaming down her own cheeks as she reaches her hands out to the cat, drawing her close. A supernatural purr reaches my ears and I can't keep the smile away that's begun pulling at my mouth. The ghost girl smiles broadly at us, even as she and her companion begin to fade away.
"Thank you, for helping Nightengale and I meet again!" she calls to Danny, her voice echoing softly as they vanish into thin air.
Danny is smiling as I look back towards him, eyes once again shining with all the hope and fulfillment that should be there. His gaze drops back to the body of the cat, and he brushes a hand softly over the age-thinned fur. "You're welcome," he whispers, almost too softly to hear. My own eyes lift to the black stone, engraved with a picture of a feline shape along with the prerequisite name and dates. Those dates...
"Danny.. look at these numbers! That girl.. she wasn't much older than us!" I gasp, unnerved by what my eyes have just confirmed. Sure, her ghost looked young.. but...
"Yeah," Danny agrees, "Kinda makes you think, huh?" He smiles at me. "About what's really important?"
I smile back. "Yeah.. and how it's never too late to be reunited with who or what you love most." Now I know for sure, and I can't help but grin. Danny's not leaving us for the ghostly lifestyle, not now, not ever. Even if something happens and he should get "stuck" in his other form, just like that loyal and beloved pet cat, he'll ride the wait out until he's able to rejoin us once again here in the world of the living, or at worst, until we can join him.
"I want to go ask the groundsman if he'd mind burying Nightengale right here, where she wanted to be," Danny ventured softly. "Want to come?" I smile again and stand to follow him, casting a last glance back at the peaceful scene at the gravestone and at the phrase engraved just above the dead cats' body.
'May what you love always return to you'
Always Something
It was always something.
Since the day he had first stepped into that stupid portal, it was always something. Who could have imagined there were so many unsettled spirits out there, waiting to wreak havoc on the human race? Who could have imagined one of his parents inventions would actually work? Who could have imagined his boyish curiosity would change his life so much?
Thankfully, today was one of the quieter days, no ghostly encounters just yet. He sank back happily into his chair at the thought, perfectly content to daze off like the rest of his classmates while droned on about the Civil War. Perfectly content to be like any other teenager, perfectly content to be normal.
He cast a fleeting look at Sam. What would she do if she had heard him think that? Sam was always first to proclaim "normal" as the enemy, and until now, he had always agreed. It seemed that ever since his "accident", he envied anything normal.
Yes, he had made the decision to keep his ghost powers, to continue being "abnormal"…but it wasn't really a decision. What else could he choose with Sam and Tucker watching on? They would have said yes. They would have kept fighting. He couldn't let his two best friends realize what a coward he really was. What he really wanted was to never even have faced that decision, to never even have gotten these powers to begin with.
He missed being normal. High school brought enough problems of it's own. Normal kids had to struggle with puberty, dating, academics the same as he did but normal kids didn't have to save the world. Everyone wishes they could be a superhero…but being a superhero is hard work. Hard work that was beginning to take its toll.
"FENTON!" Mr. Burton yelled, waking Danny up from his nap.
"HUH!" The boy yelled, startled. He wobbled back on his seat and fell backwards.
The class erupted in laughter.
"Apes," Sam grumbled, rushing out of her seat to give Danny a hand.
"Uh, thanks Sam," Danny smiled, beat red, as he turned his desk right side up.
"Danny," Sam whispered anxiously. He looked up to see what was wrong and saw her staring at his arm or well, where his arm should have been.
He voiced a low moan of distress, "Oh no…" He watched in horror as more and more of his arm started to disappear.
Sam quickly shoved him down into his seat. "Uh, Mr. Burton?" she laughed awkwardly, "I think Danny bumped his head pretty hard, may he be excused?"
pondered this for a moment. "Oh, alright," he finally conceded. "Fenton, you can go." Danny breathed a huge sigh of relief, jumped out of his chair, and headed speedily towards the door. Almost instinctively, Sam followed him.
"MANSON!" Mr. Burton barked, causing both Danny and Sam to turn around. "You stay here. Your boyfriend can take care of himself."
"He-is-not-my-BOYFRIEND!" Sam growled, irritated.
Danny might have protested as well, but just as he opened his mouth to speak, his other arm began to disappear. He held back a gasp of surprise and hurried out the door. As soon as he was sure he was out of eyesight, he sprinted towards the bathroom.
"Anyone in here?" he asked as he entered. No response. He closed the door and walked up to the sink, clutching it with his now transparent hands. "What's going on with you, Danny?" he asked his reflection as he tried to regain control of his powers. "If I'm going to keep these powers, I'm going to have to learn to control them, or else the whole school will find out I'm an even bigger freak then they thought."
And as an added bonus, you're now a freak who talks to himself, a voice in his head snickered. Danny shook his head with a sigh, turning on the faucet and splashing his face with water. He closed his eyes and took a few, slow, deep breaths, focusing on making his arms reappear. When he opened his eyes, there they were, two fully functional, fully visible arms. He smiled slightly, took one last deep breath, and headed back to class.
"That was way to close," Sam said as she made a face at the "Meatloaf Surprise" that had been ladled onto her tray.
"Man, the one time I miss Mr. Burtons class and something entertaining actually happens," Tucker said, obviously disappointed.
"Oh yeah, well, I'm glad my humiliation can be entertainment for you," Danny grumbled sarcastically as the three took a seat at there usual lunch table.
"What happened Danny? I thought you'd finally gotten control of your powers?" Sam asked, placing a napkin over the "Meatloaf Surprise". "Man," she commented angrily, "I can't believe the school board voted they change the menu back. Some poor cow died for this?"
Tucker smiled victoriously as he shoveled another spork full of Meatloaf Surprise into his mouth, Sam threw him a death glare, and Danny decided to ignore them both and answer Sam's first question.
"I thought I had control of them too," he admitted, "I don't know what happened. I just…I don't know."
"Maybe your powers go nuts when you experience extreme emotions," Sam suggested, "You must have been pretty embarrassed today. I mean, falling backwards in a chair with a room full of teenagers watching. And you did the failing arms thing but then of course, you fell anyway and-"
"OKAY Sam, I get the picture…But I think you may be right...The question is, what do we do about it?"
The girl shrugged, "There isn't much we can do. I guess you've just got to keep working on controlling your powers."
"How exactly do I do that?" Danny asked, a little irritated. He had almost completely blown his cover today, he needed to fix himself before this happened again.
"We could always expose you to 'extreme emotions' until they don't bother you anymore," Tucker said. He thought about it a little further and giggled maliciously, "Yeah! We could have you dance around in your underwear singing Mmmbop, embarrassment. You could try and beat me at chess, failure. Have you slow dance with Sam, loooooove."
"Tucker," Sam growled threateningly, giving him another glare of impending doom.
Danny laughed nervously at the joke, very nervously. He wasn't sure if Samantha or Tucker had noticed it but his leg had just disappeared.
"So guys, uh, the weather's nice…isn't it?" he laughed, trying desperately to change the subject. He was usually pretty open with Sam and Tucker about his ghost powers but this…Sam causing his powers to disrupt…that was something he wasn't ready to share.
Both his friends gave him a strange look. Tucker decided to shrug it off. "Any day with meat is a good day for me," he snickered at Sam.
Sam sneered back at him, spitting out some comment about how it wasn't a very good day for cows that got slaughtered, but then gave Danny a suspicious look.
Lunch continued as "normal" with the exception of Danny. Sure, his leg had reappeared, but he couldn't take his eyes of Samantha. What was going on? Sam had been his best friend since they were kids and people had been calling them a couple pretty much ever since then…so why was effecting him now?
Sam noticed his stare. "Danny, you okay?" she asked, taking time out from her own rant.
"Uh, oh, yeah, fine…I'm fine," he said, laughing again. It was clear Sam didn't buy it but she didn't say anything.
Not again, Danny grumbled to himself, shoving what was left of his arm under the table. "Uh, I've got to go…homework, you know? I'll see you guys later!" he announced, jumping up from the table.
"DANNY!" Tucker and Samantha yelled after him.
He sprinted, but he knew it wasn't fast enough. Suddenly, he was flying through the air, back into the bathroom. He dropped to the floor with a thud, fully human again.
He sighed.
This could not be good.
"So, want to explain what's going on?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised, from the door of his room.
"Sam!" Danny gasped, flashing completely transparent.
She quickly closed the door behind her and locked it so Danny's parents wouldn't walk in.
"This is more serious then we thought!" she whispered. "Is this why you went home? Danny, if you're not at all in control of your powers anymore then something big must have happened. Maybe something happened in the portal or maybe some ghost is disrupting-"
"No," Danny interrupted her nervously as he slowly reappeared. "It's nothing like that…"
"So what is it?" she asked, walking closer she saw the embarrassed look on his face. "Oh god, it's not like…ghost puberty or something is it? I better get Tucker."
Sam turned to go and Danny had to make a spilt second decision. If he let Sam go now, he might never be brave enough to tell her what the real cause of these sporadic disappearances…but then, it didn't seem like he'd be able to tell her about it anytime soon…Still, he couldn't go on like this; he had to do something, and he had to do it now.
"Sam, wait!" he said, reaching out and grabbing her hand to stop her from going any further. As soon as he felt her hand in his, he disappeared again.
Danny could almost see the gears turning in Sam's head as she slowly placed two and two together and let his ghostly hand slip from her grip.
"It's me…isn't it?" she realized, plopping down beside the slowly reappearing Danny.
Danny nodded, laughing awkwardly, "Yeah."
A series of horrible thoughts passed through Samantha's mind, thoughts of losing her best friend, "Are you…allergic or something?"
Danny laughed a little more, "No. Not exactly."
He paused, uncertain of weather or not to continue. He glanced at his friends face, full of worry and anticipation, and knew he had to go on.
He knew what he was going to say was difficult but thankfully, he had some time to think about it. As he spoke he focused hard on staying visible. "Remember earlier you were saying that my wigging out was caused by 'extreme emotions'? Well…I think you were right, at least partially…Man, Sam, we've been friends for such a long time…and that makes it even harder to say…but lately, I've been feeling…feeling kinda like I can't breath around you anymore but when you aren't around, it doesn't seem to matter if I breath or not because all that really matters is when I'll see you again. It's like…when you're around, I can't think of anything else in the world, I can't even think about keeping my powers straight. And I've been thinking…maybe all those people have been right all along, you know? Maybe we really could be more then just friends."
By some divine miracle, he had managed to stay corporal through out his entire speech. Now, as he waited for Sam's reaction, he wasn't so sure he could keep it up.
"Danny, I…" but for once in her life, Samantha Manson couldn't think of something to say, she could only lean forward nervously, unsure of what to do next.
Neither teen was very experienced with the matter and both of their hearts were pumping more blood to their heads then they knew what to do with, causing the process to be painfully slow. First, Sam approached timidly, until Danny leaned in suddenly, causing them both to pull back. They tried again, with another failure. They both smiled and blushed awkwardly, almost a silent agreement to try this again. This time they both approached cautiously, until finally, there lips met.
Almost instantaneously, Danny disappeared. Sam nearly feel forward, but caught herself, and Danny reappeared.
Without realizing it, Sam was inching forward again. "Sam," Danny started anxiously, "I don't think we should-" He fumbled with his words as Sam drew nearer and nearer.
"Uh-huh," she nodded, somewhat in a trance, eyes locked with Danny's. Danny slowly became mesmerized, leaning in as well.
"It could be dangerous," he mumbled.
"Yes, you're right. Too dangerous," she nodded but made it clear that wasn't going to stop her.
"We shouldn't until we know more about-" he said, heart racing.
"Yeah, I agree," she replied, entranced.
"We could..." With less then a centimeter between them, he stopped, his heart beating too frantically to make words. He threw caution to the wind and they started to kiss again.
This time, he was able to stay corporal for a little while longer. He wrapped his arms around his friend and deepened the kiss. Slowly but surely, the kissing became more and more passionate until suddenly they were falling.
Straight into a table.
Without realizing it Danny had gone ghost again. He and Sam had passed through his floor and the kitchen ceiling before finally reappearing and smashing into the dinner table.
Sam laughed, blushing, as she looked at the crushed table, "You were right. I guess that was a little dangerous."
Thankfully, Danny's parents had been in the lab when the table was broken and when they finally found the massacred thing, Danny asked as surprised as them. His father blamed it on a ghost, of course. Little did he know, for once, he was right.
Before Sam left, she awkwardly gave Danny a kiss on a cheek as he very nearly fainted. They would both have to get use to this boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
But for now, no one seemed to really notice that when the two casually walked down the hall, hand and hand, only one hand was really there.
Danny Fenton wasn't normal anymore…but he wouldn't give it up for the world.
Since the day he had first stepped into that stupid portal, it was always something. Who could have imagined there were so many unsettled spirits out there, waiting to wreak havoc on the human race? Who could have imagined one of his parents inventions would actually work? Who could have imagined his boyish curiosity would change his life so much?
Thankfully, today was one of the quieter days, no ghostly encounters just yet. He sank back happily into his chair at the thought, perfectly content to daze off like the rest of his classmates while droned on about the Civil War. Perfectly content to be like any other teenager, perfectly content to be normal.
He cast a fleeting look at Sam. What would she do if she had heard him think that? Sam was always first to proclaim "normal" as the enemy, and until now, he had always agreed. It seemed that ever since his "accident", he envied anything normal.
Yes, he had made the decision to keep his ghost powers, to continue being "abnormal"…but it wasn't really a decision. What else could he choose with Sam and Tucker watching on? They would have said yes. They would have kept fighting. He couldn't let his two best friends realize what a coward he really was. What he really wanted was to never even have faced that decision, to never even have gotten these powers to begin with.
He missed being normal. High school brought enough problems of it's own. Normal kids had to struggle with puberty, dating, academics the same as he did but normal kids didn't have to save the world. Everyone wishes they could be a superhero…but being a superhero is hard work. Hard work that was beginning to take its toll.
"FENTON!" Mr. Burton yelled, waking Danny up from his nap.
"HUH!" The boy yelled, startled. He wobbled back on his seat and fell backwards.
The class erupted in laughter.
"Apes," Sam grumbled, rushing out of her seat to give Danny a hand.
"Uh, thanks Sam," Danny smiled, beat red, as he turned his desk right side up.
"Danny," Sam whispered anxiously. He looked up to see what was wrong and saw her staring at his arm or well, where his arm should have been.
He voiced a low moan of distress, "Oh no…" He watched in horror as more and more of his arm started to disappear.
Sam quickly shoved him down into his seat. "Uh, Mr. Burton?" she laughed awkwardly, "I think Danny bumped his head pretty hard, may he be excused?"
pondered this for a moment. "Oh, alright," he finally conceded. "Fenton, you can go." Danny breathed a huge sigh of relief, jumped out of his chair, and headed speedily towards the door. Almost instinctively, Sam followed him.
"MANSON!" Mr. Burton barked, causing both Danny and Sam to turn around. "You stay here. Your boyfriend can take care of himself."
"He-is-not-my-BOYFRIEND!" Sam growled, irritated.
Danny might have protested as well, but just as he opened his mouth to speak, his other arm began to disappear. He held back a gasp of surprise and hurried out the door. As soon as he was sure he was out of eyesight, he sprinted towards the bathroom.
"Anyone in here?" he asked as he entered. No response. He closed the door and walked up to the sink, clutching it with his now transparent hands. "What's going on with you, Danny?" he asked his reflection as he tried to regain control of his powers. "If I'm going to keep these powers, I'm going to have to learn to control them, or else the whole school will find out I'm an even bigger freak then they thought."
And as an added bonus, you're now a freak who talks to himself, a voice in his head snickered. Danny shook his head with a sigh, turning on the faucet and splashing his face with water. He closed his eyes and took a few, slow, deep breaths, focusing on making his arms reappear. When he opened his eyes, there they were, two fully functional, fully visible arms. He smiled slightly, took one last deep breath, and headed back to class.
"That was way to close," Sam said as she made a face at the "Meatloaf Surprise" that had been ladled onto her tray.
"Man, the one time I miss Mr. Burtons class and something entertaining actually happens," Tucker said, obviously disappointed.
"Oh yeah, well, I'm glad my humiliation can be entertainment for you," Danny grumbled sarcastically as the three took a seat at there usual lunch table.
"What happened Danny? I thought you'd finally gotten control of your powers?" Sam asked, placing a napkin over the "Meatloaf Surprise". "Man," she commented angrily, "I can't believe the school board voted they change the menu back. Some poor cow died for this?"
Tucker smiled victoriously as he shoveled another spork full of Meatloaf Surprise into his mouth, Sam threw him a death glare, and Danny decided to ignore them both and answer Sam's first question.
"I thought I had control of them too," he admitted, "I don't know what happened. I just…I don't know."
"Maybe your powers go nuts when you experience extreme emotions," Sam suggested, "You must have been pretty embarrassed today. I mean, falling backwards in a chair with a room full of teenagers watching. And you did the failing arms thing but then of course, you fell anyway and-"
"OKAY Sam, I get the picture…But I think you may be right...The question is, what do we do about it?"
The girl shrugged, "There isn't much we can do. I guess you've just got to keep working on controlling your powers."
"How exactly do I do that?" Danny asked, a little irritated. He had almost completely blown his cover today, he needed to fix himself before this happened again.
"We could always expose you to 'extreme emotions' until they don't bother you anymore," Tucker said. He thought about it a little further and giggled maliciously, "Yeah! We could have you dance around in your underwear singing Mmmbop, embarrassment. You could try and beat me at chess, failure. Have you slow dance with Sam, loooooove."
"Tucker," Sam growled threateningly, giving him another glare of impending doom.
Danny laughed nervously at the joke, very nervously. He wasn't sure if Samantha or Tucker had noticed it but his leg had just disappeared.
"So guys, uh, the weather's nice…isn't it?" he laughed, trying desperately to change the subject. He was usually pretty open with Sam and Tucker about his ghost powers but this…Sam causing his powers to disrupt…that was something he wasn't ready to share.
Both his friends gave him a strange look. Tucker decided to shrug it off. "Any day with meat is a good day for me," he snickered at Sam.
Sam sneered back at him, spitting out some comment about how it wasn't a very good day for cows that got slaughtered, but then gave Danny a suspicious look.
Lunch continued as "normal" with the exception of Danny. Sure, his leg had reappeared, but he couldn't take his eyes of Samantha. What was going on? Sam had been his best friend since they were kids and people had been calling them a couple pretty much ever since then…so why was effecting him now?
Sam noticed his stare. "Danny, you okay?" she asked, taking time out from her own rant.
"Uh, oh, yeah, fine…I'm fine," he said, laughing again. It was clear Sam didn't buy it but she didn't say anything.
Not again, Danny grumbled to himself, shoving what was left of his arm under the table. "Uh, I've got to go…homework, you know? I'll see you guys later!" he announced, jumping up from the table.
"DANNY!" Tucker and Samantha yelled after him.
He sprinted, but he knew it wasn't fast enough. Suddenly, he was flying through the air, back into the bathroom. He dropped to the floor with a thud, fully human again.
He sighed.
This could not be good.
"So, want to explain what's going on?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised, from the door of his room.
"Sam!" Danny gasped, flashing completely transparent.
She quickly closed the door behind her and locked it so Danny's parents wouldn't walk in.
"This is more serious then we thought!" she whispered. "Is this why you went home? Danny, if you're not at all in control of your powers anymore then something big must have happened. Maybe something happened in the portal or maybe some ghost is disrupting-"
"No," Danny interrupted her nervously as he slowly reappeared. "It's nothing like that…"
"So what is it?" she asked, walking closer she saw the embarrassed look on his face. "Oh god, it's not like…ghost puberty or something is it? I better get Tucker."
Sam turned to go and Danny had to make a spilt second decision. If he let Sam go now, he might never be brave enough to tell her what the real cause of these sporadic disappearances…but then, it didn't seem like he'd be able to tell her about it anytime soon…Still, he couldn't go on like this; he had to do something, and he had to do it now.
"Sam, wait!" he said, reaching out and grabbing her hand to stop her from going any further. As soon as he felt her hand in his, he disappeared again.
Danny could almost see the gears turning in Sam's head as she slowly placed two and two together and let his ghostly hand slip from her grip.
"It's me…isn't it?" she realized, plopping down beside the slowly reappearing Danny.
Danny nodded, laughing awkwardly, "Yeah."
A series of horrible thoughts passed through Samantha's mind, thoughts of losing her best friend, "Are you…allergic or something?"
Danny laughed a little more, "No. Not exactly."
He paused, uncertain of weather or not to continue. He glanced at his friends face, full of worry and anticipation, and knew he had to go on.
He knew what he was going to say was difficult but thankfully, he had some time to think about it. As he spoke he focused hard on staying visible. "Remember earlier you were saying that my wigging out was caused by 'extreme emotions'? Well…I think you were right, at least partially…Man, Sam, we've been friends for such a long time…and that makes it even harder to say…but lately, I've been feeling…feeling kinda like I can't breath around you anymore but when you aren't around, it doesn't seem to matter if I breath or not because all that really matters is when I'll see you again. It's like…when you're around, I can't think of anything else in the world, I can't even think about keeping my powers straight. And I've been thinking…maybe all those people have been right all along, you know? Maybe we really could be more then just friends."
By some divine miracle, he had managed to stay corporal through out his entire speech. Now, as he waited for Sam's reaction, he wasn't so sure he could keep it up.
"Danny, I…" but for once in her life, Samantha Manson couldn't think of something to say, she could only lean forward nervously, unsure of what to do next.
Neither teen was very experienced with the matter and both of their hearts were pumping more blood to their heads then they knew what to do with, causing the process to be painfully slow. First, Sam approached timidly, until Danny leaned in suddenly, causing them both to pull back. They tried again, with another failure. They both smiled and blushed awkwardly, almost a silent agreement to try this again. This time they both approached cautiously, until finally, there lips met.
Almost instantaneously, Danny disappeared. Sam nearly feel forward, but caught herself, and Danny reappeared.
Without realizing it, Sam was inching forward again. "Sam," Danny started anxiously, "I don't think we should-" He fumbled with his words as Sam drew nearer and nearer.
"Uh-huh," she nodded, somewhat in a trance, eyes locked with Danny's. Danny slowly became mesmerized, leaning in as well.
"It could be dangerous," he mumbled.
"Yes, you're right. Too dangerous," she nodded but made it clear that wasn't going to stop her.
"We shouldn't until we know more about-" he said, heart racing.
"Yeah, I agree," she replied, entranced.
"We could..." With less then a centimeter between them, he stopped, his heart beating too frantically to make words. He threw caution to the wind and they started to kiss again.
This time, he was able to stay corporal for a little while longer. He wrapped his arms around his friend and deepened the kiss. Slowly but surely, the kissing became more and more passionate until suddenly they were falling.
Straight into a table.
Without realizing it Danny had gone ghost again. He and Sam had passed through his floor and the kitchen ceiling before finally reappearing and smashing into the dinner table.
Sam laughed, blushing, as she looked at the crushed table, "You were right. I guess that was a little dangerous."
Thankfully, Danny's parents had been in the lab when the table was broken and when they finally found the massacred thing, Danny asked as surprised as them. His father blamed it on a ghost, of course. Little did he know, for once, he was right.
Before Sam left, she awkwardly gave Danny a kiss on a cheek as he very nearly fainted. They would both have to get use to this boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
But for now, no one seemed to really notice that when the two casually walked down the hall, hand and hand, only one hand was really there.
Danny Fenton wasn't normal anymore…but he wouldn't give it up for the world.
Not Now!
Chapter 1: Meeting
This morning, Miyu woke up earlier than before, it's Saturday... No classes…
"Hi Miyu-san!" Wannya greeted
"Good Morning Wannya, umm… I'm going to the woods for a walk… be back later…" She then waved good bye to the sitter pet.
After some minutes Kanata woke up and passed Miyu's room. He saw the room opened so he peeked in. –Miyu's not here. Its early where in earth could she be? - Kanata thought. As he walked in Miyu's room he found a paper on the floor, picked it up and reads;
Miyu,
I'm in Japan right now. All my treatments were finished so I came here to see you. I also found out that you're already living with someone else. Anyway, I really need to talk to you… It's important… I need you to come see me tomorrow… You'll find me under the tallest tree, east, that you can see from that temple where you live in. See you there…
Your friend,
Shuichi
Kanata ran outside the door and shouted at Wanya "Be back later!"
"Sure, Master Kanata." –Gee, I wonder why both of them were in a hurry this morning-
Kanata found the tallest tree on the woods and heard Miyu's voice
"Why didn't you tell me earlier that you're arriving?" Miyu said sitting beside Shuichi
"I wanted to surprise you."
"Yeah, you surprised me alright."
Kanata sat down the bushes to hide so that he can listen clearly without them seeing him.
"How's your… your cancer?" Miyu asked
"I still have 2 years before I rest in peace."
"Don't talk like that!" Miyu stood
"I heard you're living with this 'Kanata' guy…" He said in a low voice
"Um." Miyu nodded
"I see, I supposed you liked that guy more." He holds Miyu's hand and pulls her to sit beside him again
"No you're wrong." Miyu turned to him
Kanata saw it and he begun thinking –Who's this guy to her life anyway? What happened…? Miyu…-
Shuichi stood, followed by Miyu
"I want the truth." He said
"You got the truth! I said it, okay. I need to go now."
"Why?"
"It's early in the morning. I went here without even saying a word to Kanata… I bet he's worried… or upset or maybe worse… maybe he's angry right now. So I needed to go home."
"Home… where?" he looked at the floor
"To Kanata" Miyu blushed a little but turned away so that he couldn't see it
"See, I told you Miyu… You love that Kanata don't you?"
"No!"
I see, so she doesn't feel anything for me at all I should've known it earlier, I think I better be going. There's no point for me to listen, it's for my own good… I might get hurt more if I continue to listen…- Kanata stand and ready to go when he heard them talk again
"You love him as a friend then?" Shuichi asked getting irritated of Miyu denying the truth
"No! Don't you really get it! I don't love him as a friend..." Miyu lowered his head as she said additional words "I love him… more than a… friend…" tears falls down Miyu's cheeks.
"Then why didn't you tell me so earlier?" Shuichi asked her
"I don't want to hurt you… that's why…" She answered
"No Miyu… It'll take more to hurt me… Did you already tell this to Kanata?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I'm afraid he won't accept it. And started to ignore me… and maybe throw me out of his house… you know…"
After hearing what she said Kanata sat down looking blankly at the floor –so… that means… all this time we've been together… she... and I… and … and… what she just said… Miyu…-
"So Shuichi, I need to go…"
"Right… now I don't want you to cry… okay?"
"Um." She nodded
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"When I'm already confined in the hospital… dying… can I expect you to be there… beside my bed… holding my hands… and well… caring for me…?"
"Sure. Everything for my best friend in the world! Bye now! See you sometime!"
"Bye!" they waved at each other. Then she runs away to the Saionji Temple
Sometime eh?...- Shuichi thought
"Come out… You can't hide from me and pretend you didn't hear anything!" Shuichi said not in an angry tone of course, looking at where Kanata is sitting
"You caught me." Kanata said standing up
"You heard her kid… give her what she wants…"
"What does she wants?" Kanata asked confused
"An answer… from you… that's what."
"But she didn't even know that I heard everything."
"It's gonna be fine for sure…"
"Maybe."
"I'm sure. Miyu's a very nice girl and somehow shy that's why she can't show you her feelings at all."
"I guess..."
"Think about it." Shuichi sat down under the tree again
"I heard you got a cancer… was that true?"
"Yeah."
"What cancer?"
"Brain…"
"Oh… sorry…"
"sheshh… you don't have to feel sorry… It's not your fault."
"Hey..."
"What?" Shuichi look at Kanata
"Thanks for not hurting me… or punching me or anything like that."
"I won't."
"Why?"
"I'm gonna need you when I'm gone."
"But you said you have two years left…"
"I lied…"
"What!"
"I have two days left… not years…"
"Why didn't you tell it to Miyu?" Kanata protested
"It'll hurt her."
"Ya, like it won't hurt when she founds out you lied to her."
"I know."
"Wait, you said you're going to need me when you're gone… what for?"
"I need you to look after her… makes sure she's doing fine and she's safe..."
"I'll do that even you didn't asked me to."
"…And love her… more than I did…"
"…love her…"
"…"
"…"
"What?"
"Okay then… I think I can handle it."
"I don't need you to think… I need you to do it…"
"Yes I promise!" Katana raised his right hand
"I don't need you to promise me… promises were made to be broken…"
"Then what?"
"I need you to do your best… please… If you won't do it for me… do it for Miyu…"
"Um… I will… I'll do my best to take care of her…"
"…and…"
"…and love… her…" He blushed
"Bye Kanata… I think you need to go now… Miyu's sure mad waiting for you…"
"Yeah… bye now… thanks again…"
"Nah."
They both walk to different paths after they said good byes to each other. Kanata went home and ate breakfast with Miyu without saying any words. So Miyu started a conversation…again…
"Hey Kanata…"
"What is it Miyu?" He said on a sweet, thoughtful voice
"Are you alright? Are you sick or something?" She leaned on him and touched his forehead. He blushed
"You're not hot… that means your not ill… but why are you so red?" Miyu said
"I'm not sick… So stop worrying…" He hold Miyu's wrist and put it down
"I'm finished eating. Here are my dishes Wannya, Thanks!" Kanata stood and put his dishes on the sink. He looked back at Miyu and said
"Don't worry Miyu…"
"Fine, I won't."
"Good."
What's with him? - She thought
Sunday passed so fast that it's already Monday.
"Miyu, hurry we're gonna be late!"
"Why don't you just leave, like you always do everyday Kanata?"
"Can't do that, now hurry!"
They both run to school at least they're not late.
After seeing those two (Kanata and Miyu) together talking happily things came across Christine's mind and she started whispering things again
'Oh Miyu, you look so pretty today' 'thanks Kanata' 'Mind going out on a date with me later?' 'Sure, I'd love to!' 'Then we'll go straight to church and confess our love' 'yes Kanata' - Christine stood up and throw he table away… everybody looked at her including Kanata and Miyu
"Oh I'm sorry… I didn't mean to throw my table" she picked the table up and put it into its proper place.
The teacher arrived so they all went to their proper sits. Time passed by and Kanata's still thinking
How can I tell Miyu that Shuichi's dying in two days… No… I forgot… today is his last day I need to…-
Somebody opened the door, in a hurry…
"Please excuse me but I have to tell something to Miss Miyu…"
"Go on tell her."
"Miyu… someone called the Principal's office and said a friend of yours was in a hospital right now." Miyu stood up
"He can't… no he can't die…Its not yet the time… please excuse me I got to go." She ran out of the room
"I need to follow her, Sir." Kanata ran out of the room following Miyu
This morning, Miyu woke up earlier than before, it's Saturday... No classes…
"Hi Miyu-san!" Wannya greeted
"Good Morning Wannya, umm… I'm going to the woods for a walk… be back later…" She then waved good bye to the sitter pet.
After some minutes Kanata woke up and passed Miyu's room. He saw the room opened so he peeked in. –Miyu's not here. Its early where in earth could she be? - Kanata thought. As he walked in Miyu's room he found a paper on the floor, picked it up and reads;
Miyu,
I'm in Japan right now. All my treatments were finished so I came here to see you. I also found out that you're already living with someone else. Anyway, I really need to talk to you… It's important… I need you to come see me tomorrow… You'll find me under the tallest tree, east, that you can see from that temple where you live in. See you there…
Your friend,
Shuichi
Kanata ran outside the door and shouted at Wanya "Be back later!"
"Sure, Master Kanata." –Gee, I wonder why both of them were in a hurry this morning-
Kanata found the tallest tree on the woods and heard Miyu's voice
"Why didn't you tell me earlier that you're arriving?" Miyu said sitting beside Shuichi
"I wanted to surprise you."
"Yeah, you surprised me alright."
Kanata sat down the bushes to hide so that he can listen clearly without them seeing him.
"How's your… your cancer?" Miyu asked
"I still have 2 years before I rest in peace."
"Don't talk like that!" Miyu stood
"I heard you're living with this 'Kanata' guy…" He said in a low voice
"Um." Miyu nodded
"I see, I supposed you liked that guy more." He holds Miyu's hand and pulls her to sit beside him again
"No you're wrong." Miyu turned to him
Kanata saw it and he begun thinking –Who's this guy to her life anyway? What happened…? Miyu…-
Shuichi stood, followed by Miyu
"I want the truth." He said
"You got the truth! I said it, okay. I need to go now."
"Why?"
"It's early in the morning. I went here without even saying a word to Kanata… I bet he's worried… or upset or maybe worse… maybe he's angry right now. So I needed to go home."
"Home… where?" he looked at the floor
"To Kanata" Miyu blushed a little but turned away so that he couldn't see it
"See, I told you Miyu… You love that Kanata don't you?"
"No!"
I see, so she doesn't feel anything for me at all I should've known it earlier, I think I better be going. There's no point for me to listen, it's for my own good… I might get hurt more if I continue to listen…- Kanata stand and ready to go when he heard them talk again
"You love him as a friend then?" Shuichi asked getting irritated of Miyu denying the truth
"No! Don't you really get it! I don't love him as a friend..." Miyu lowered his head as she said additional words "I love him… more than a… friend…" tears falls down Miyu's cheeks.
"Then why didn't you tell me so earlier?" Shuichi asked her
"I don't want to hurt you… that's why…" She answered
"No Miyu… It'll take more to hurt me… Did you already tell this to Kanata?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I'm afraid he won't accept it. And started to ignore me… and maybe throw me out of his house… you know…"
After hearing what she said Kanata sat down looking blankly at the floor –so… that means… all this time we've been together… she... and I… and … and… what she just said… Miyu…-
"So Shuichi, I need to go…"
"Right… now I don't want you to cry… okay?"
"Um." She nodded
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"When I'm already confined in the hospital… dying… can I expect you to be there… beside my bed… holding my hands… and well… caring for me…?"
"Sure. Everything for my best friend in the world! Bye now! See you sometime!"
"Bye!" they waved at each other. Then she runs away to the Saionji Temple
Sometime eh?...- Shuichi thought
"Come out… You can't hide from me and pretend you didn't hear anything!" Shuichi said not in an angry tone of course, looking at where Kanata is sitting
"You caught me." Kanata said standing up
"You heard her kid… give her what she wants…"
"What does she wants?" Kanata asked confused
"An answer… from you… that's what."
"But she didn't even know that I heard everything."
"It's gonna be fine for sure…"
"Maybe."
"I'm sure. Miyu's a very nice girl and somehow shy that's why she can't show you her feelings at all."
"I guess..."
"Think about it." Shuichi sat down under the tree again
"I heard you got a cancer… was that true?"
"Yeah."
"What cancer?"
"Brain…"
"Oh… sorry…"
"sheshh… you don't have to feel sorry… It's not your fault."
"Hey..."
"What?" Shuichi look at Kanata
"Thanks for not hurting me… or punching me or anything like that."
"I won't."
"Why?"
"I'm gonna need you when I'm gone."
"But you said you have two years left…"
"I lied…"
"What!"
"I have two days left… not years…"
"Why didn't you tell it to Miyu?" Kanata protested
"It'll hurt her."
"Ya, like it won't hurt when she founds out you lied to her."
"I know."
"Wait, you said you're going to need me when you're gone… what for?"
"I need you to look after her… makes sure she's doing fine and she's safe..."
"I'll do that even you didn't asked me to."
"…And love her… more than I did…"
"…love her…"
"…"
"…"
"What?"
"Okay then… I think I can handle it."
"I don't need you to think… I need you to do it…"
"Yes I promise!" Katana raised his right hand
"I don't need you to promise me… promises were made to be broken…"
"Then what?"
"I need you to do your best… please… If you won't do it for me… do it for Miyu…"
"Um… I will… I'll do my best to take care of her…"
"…and…"
"…and love… her…" He blushed
"Bye Kanata… I think you need to go now… Miyu's sure mad waiting for you…"
"Yeah… bye now… thanks again…"
"Nah."
They both walk to different paths after they said good byes to each other. Kanata went home and ate breakfast with Miyu without saying any words. So Miyu started a conversation…again…
"Hey Kanata…"
"What is it Miyu?" He said on a sweet, thoughtful voice
"Are you alright? Are you sick or something?" She leaned on him and touched his forehead. He blushed
"You're not hot… that means your not ill… but why are you so red?" Miyu said
"I'm not sick… So stop worrying…" He hold Miyu's wrist and put it down
"I'm finished eating. Here are my dishes Wannya, Thanks!" Kanata stood and put his dishes on the sink. He looked back at Miyu and said
"Don't worry Miyu…"
"Fine, I won't."
"Good."
What's with him? - She thought
Sunday passed so fast that it's already Monday.
"Miyu, hurry we're gonna be late!"
"Why don't you just leave, like you always do everyday Kanata?"
"Can't do that, now hurry!"
They both run to school at least they're not late.
After seeing those two (Kanata and Miyu) together talking happily things came across Christine's mind and she started whispering things again
'Oh Miyu, you look so pretty today' 'thanks Kanata' 'Mind going out on a date with me later?' 'Sure, I'd love to!' 'Then we'll go straight to church and confess our love' 'yes Kanata' - Christine stood up and throw he table away… everybody looked at her including Kanata and Miyu
"Oh I'm sorry… I didn't mean to throw my table" she picked the table up and put it into its proper place.
The teacher arrived so they all went to their proper sits. Time passed by and Kanata's still thinking
How can I tell Miyu that Shuichi's dying in two days… No… I forgot… today is his last day I need to…-
Somebody opened the door, in a hurry…
"Please excuse me but I have to tell something to Miss Miyu…"
"Go on tell her."
"Miyu… someone called the Principal's office and said a friend of yours was in a hospital right now." Miyu stood up
"He can't… no he can't die…Its not yet the time… please excuse me I got to go." She ran out of the room
"I need to follow her, Sir." Kanata ran out of the room following Miyu
Not Now!
Chapter 2: Death
As Miyu and Kanata arrived in the hospital's waiting room, they sit quietly and wait for the doctor to come out. After sometime the door opened up, the doctor told them that Shuichi had been transferred to another room. A nurse assists them to that room. As the nurse let them in, Miyu saw Shuichi and started to cry. Kanata just stands close to Miyu.
"I…I thought… you have two years left… but why?" She said still crying
"Miyu… is that you?" Shuichi searched for her hands for he can't see anymore due to the fact that the cancer already reached its phase 3… wherein the patient looses his senses one by one until he dies… in pain
"Yes. I'm here… and I won't leave by your side ever again"
"Stop crying Miyu."
"But… I just can't take it… seeing you like this…"
"This is my destiny, Miyu"
"But after you left… who will be my side… no one can ever replace you…Shuichi…"
"Like what you always tell me… I'm your friend not your lover…" He whispered to Miyu's ear "But I already entrust you to Kanata… He can do greater things… better that what I did… he'll be the one to stay by your side"
Miyu embraced him tightly
"Not to tight Miyu, can't breathe…"
"Sorry" she loosen her hug
Shuichi's running out of time… His can't talk much anymore… "Miyu, I guess it's time, Kanata… do as what I said… please…"
"I will…" Kanata answered
"Don't… don't go…" Miyu said
"I… have… to…" He can't breathe anymore
"Shuichi-kun!" Miyu cried out
"The… call… I will always… cherish… I…love you… My dearest… friend…" He struggles to breathe as Miyu let him go and looked back to Kanata. Kanata hugged her tight and turned her away so that she couldn't see what's happening.
Miyu's hand still shaking as the nurses delivered his body to the morgue.
"Hush now Miyu… It's over" Kanata holds her hand
"I know…It's just that…"
"You're worried nobody will love you as that again, right?"
She looked at the ground. "I'll take that as a yes…" He said
Kanata hugged her again and told her… "I'll be here Miyu… to love you… and care for you…"
"Thanks Kanata…"
As Miyu and Kanata arrived in the hospital's waiting room, they sit quietly and wait for the doctor to come out. After sometime the door opened up, the doctor told them that Shuichi had been transferred to another room. A nurse assists them to that room. As the nurse let them in, Miyu saw Shuichi and started to cry. Kanata just stands close to Miyu.
"I…I thought… you have two years left… but why?" She said still crying
"Miyu… is that you?" Shuichi searched for her hands for he can't see anymore due to the fact that the cancer already reached its phase 3… wherein the patient looses his senses one by one until he dies… in pain
"Yes. I'm here… and I won't leave by your side ever again"
"Stop crying Miyu."
"But… I just can't take it… seeing you like this…"
"This is my destiny, Miyu"
"But after you left… who will be my side… no one can ever replace you…Shuichi…"
"Like what you always tell me… I'm your friend not your lover…" He whispered to Miyu's ear "But I already entrust you to Kanata… He can do greater things… better that what I did… he'll be the one to stay by your side"
Miyu embraced him tightly
"Not to tight Miyu, can't breathe…"
"Sorry" she loosen her hug
Shuichi's running out of time… His can't talk much anymore… "Miyu, I guess it's time, Kanata… do as what I said… please…"
"I will…" Kanata answered
"Don't… don't go…" Miyu said
"I… have… to…" He can't breathe anymore
"Shuichi-kun!" Miyu cried out
"The… call… I will always… cherish… I…love you… My dearest… friend…" He struggles to breathe as Miyu let him go and looked back to Kanata. Kanata hugged her tight and turned her away so that she couldn't see what's happening.
Miyu's hand still shaking as the nurses delivered his body to the morgue.
"Hush now Miyu… It's over" Kanata holds her hand
"I know…It's just that…"
"You're worried nobody will love you as that again, right?"
She looked at the ground. "I'll take that as a yes…" He said
Kanata hugged her again and told her… "I'll be here Miyu… to love you… and care for you…"
"Thanks Kanata…"
Late Night Movie
Chapter 1: Movie
"Kanata do you have a practice game in basketball later?" Miyu asked as she changed her shoes and put the school shoes in her locker
"I guess. Why do you ask?"
"I'll go home early so don't expect me to wait for you, Okay? Bye now!" She waved goodbye then vanished
"She's fast. I wonder why she's such in a hurry…oh well… can't do anything about it after all." Kanata closed his shoe locker and saw Santa
"C'mon Kanata, the game's starting any minute now." Santa called out
"Just a minute." He ran outside and walked with Santa to the basketball court
Just then Miyu reached home.
"I'm home!" Miyu shouted, Luu came floating
"Mama…"
"Oh Luu… Where's Bow Meow?"
Bow Meow peeked from the kitchen "Welcome home Miss Miyu. It's seems you're home early"
"Yeah, I need to do my assignments, then help you in preparing dinner and maybe if I could finish it all I can watch that movie later."
"What movie?" Bow Meow asked
"I don't know, I forgot. I'll do my assignments now, here, take care of Luu."
"Bow Meow…" Luu then flew to Bow Meow
"Okay then Miss Miyu."
It's already seven o'clock in the evening and Miyu already finished all her assignments and finished helping Bow Meow preparing the dinner. Kanata arrived…
"Sorry I'm late; Santa forced me to come with him to a music bar." He reasoned out
"Oh, good evening Master Kanata."
"Kanata, eat or your food gets cold." Miyu said still eating
Kanata smiled and said "sure."
He sat beside Miyu and eats "Miyu…" Kanata started
"Yeah?"
"Why did you come home early?"
"I need to finish all tasks so that I could watch that movie."
"I see… what movie?"
"I don't know the title but it seemed beautiful… The local channel is airing it later…"
"Okay then."
They continue to eat. After that Bow Meow cleaned up the table then the dishes. Miyu decided to take a bath while Katana do his homework. Miyu finished taking a bath and change to her pajamas. She walked pass Kanata's room and told him that the bathroom is free and that she's finished but Katana answered her that he'll take a bath later since his assignments weren't finished yet. Miyu went to living room and turned the television on. She began to watch the movie she was taking about and it's already 11:45pm (usually movies were long some reached 4 hours and the minimum is 1:45mins.) Kanata finished his assignments at 11:55pm and took at bath for 15 mins. So he went out of the bathroom at 12:10am.
Wonder if Miyu's still watching that movie she mentioned earlier- Kanata checked if the t.v.'s still on and it is.
"Hey Miyu…" he called out quietly so that he won't wake Bow Meow and Luu up.
"Huh?" Miyu looked at Kanata, eyes half opened
"How long are you going to stay up?"
"Ummmmm…" Miyu looked at the t.v. again falling asleep
Kanata walked back to his room and when he returned he brought a pillow and a blanket. He put the pillow at Miyu's back. Then he sits beside her. He whispered to her
"Say, why do you want to watch this movie so much?"
Miyu answered in a sleepy and soft voice "I want to know how the story ends and…" she completely fell asleep but before she fell on the floor Kanata caught her and leaned Miyu's head on his shoulder.
"You're really childish sometimes…" Kanata noted
It's already 1:40am and the movie's nearly ended when the cold wind went inside the living room. Miyu shivers and of course Kanata noticed it. He wrapped his arms around Miyu's shoulder to keep her warm and close to him. Miyu responded even though she's asleep, she hugged him back, as she put her arms around Kanata's waist
"Miyu…" Kanata whispered, but Miyu didn't reply which means she's really asleep
The movie ended at once and Kanata turned the television off… He left Miyu and entered to her room, then fixed the bed where Miyu will sleep. He came back and carried Miyu to her bedroom. When he put Miyu down he pulled his arms from her back slowly. Kanata put the covers up to Miyu's shoulders. He just sits there looking at her. His attention fixed on Miyu's lips, just staring at them; He bends and was nearly kissing Miyu when he shakes his head
Kanata, that's Miyu… If she founds out that you kissed her… she'll kill you…
He stood up and looked at her once more before leaving. As he close the door He whispered the words
"Miyu… Good night and I… love… you…" He completely closed the door and walks into his room and went to sleep.
"Kanata do you have a practice game in basketball later?" Miyu asked as she changed her shoes and put the school shoes in her locker
"I guess. Why do you ask?"
"I'll go home early so don't expect me to wait for you, Okay? Bye now!" She waved goodbye then vanished
"She's fast. I wonder why she's such in a hurry…oh well… can't do anything about it after all." Kanata closed his shoe locker and saw Santa
"C'mon Kanata, the game's starting any minute now." Santa called out
"Just a minute." He ran outside and walked with Santa to the basketball court
Just then Miyu reached home.
"I'm home!" Miyu shouted, Luu came floating
"Mama…"
"Oh Luu… Where's Bow Meow?"
Bow Meow peeked from the kitchen "Welcome home Miss Miyu. It's seems you're home early"
"Yeah, I need to do my assignments, then help you in preparing dinner and maybe if I could finish it all I can watch that movie later."
"What movie?" Bow Meow asked
"I don't know, I forgot. I'll do my assignments now, here, take care of Luu."
"Bow Meow…" Luu then flew to Bow Meow
"Okay then Miss Miyu."
It's already seven o'clock in the evening and Miyu already finished all her assignments and finished helping Bow Meow preparing the dinner. Kanata arrived…
"Sorry I'm late; Santa forced me to come with him to a music bar." He reasoned out
"Oh, good evening Master Kanata."
"Kanata, eat or your food gets cold." Miyu said still eating
Kanata smiled and said "sure."
He sat beside Miyu and eats "Miyu…" Kanata started
"Yeah?"
"Why did you come home early?"
"I need to finish all tasks so that I could watch that movie."
"I see… what movie?"
"I don't know the title but it seemed beautiful… The local channel is airing it later…"
"Okay then."
They continue to eat. After that Bow Meow cleaned up the table then the dishes. Miyu decided to take a bath while Katana do his homework. Miyu finished taking a bath and change to her pajamas. She walked pass Kanata's room and told him that the bathroom is free and that she's finished but Katana answered her that he'll take a bath later since his assignments weren't finished yet. Miyu went to living room and turned the television on. She began to watch the movie she was taking about and it's already 11:45pm (usually movies were long some reached 4 hours and the minimum is 1:45mins.) Kanata finished his assignments at 11:55pm and took at bath for 15 mins. So he went out of the bathroom at 12:10am.
Wonder if Miyu's still watching that movie she mentioned earlier- Kanata checked if the t.v.'s still on and it is.
"Hey Miyu…" he called out quietly so that he won't wake Bow Meow and Luu up.
"Huh?" Miyu looked at Kanata, eyes half opened
"How long are you going to stay up?"
"Ummmmm…" Miyu looked at the t.v. again falling asleep
Kanata walked back to his room and when he returned he brought a pillow and a blanket. He put the pillow at Miyu's back. Then he sits beside her. He whispered to her
"Say, why do you want to watch this movie so much?"
Miyu answered in a sleepy and soft voice "I want to know how the story ends and…" she completely fell asleep but before she fell on the floor Kanata caught her and leaned Miyu's head on his shoulder.
"You're really childish sometimes…" Kanata noted
It's already 1:40am and the movie's nearly ended when the cold wind went inside the living room. Miyu shivers and of course Kanata noticed it. He wrapped his arms around Miyu's shoulder to keep her warm and close to him. Miyu responded even though she's asleep, she hugged him back, as she put her arms around Kanata's waist
"Miyu…" Kanata whispered, but Miyu didn't reply which means she's really asleep
The movie ended at once and Kanata turned the television off… He left Miyu and entered to her room, then fixed the bed where Miyu will sleep. He came back and carried Miyu to her bedroom. When he put Miyu down he pulled his arms from her back slowly. Kanata put the covers up to Miyu's shoulders. He just sits there looking at her. His attention fixed on Miyu's lips, just staring at them; He bends and was nearly kissing Miyu when he shakes his head
Kanata, that's Miyu… If she founds out that you kissed her… she'll kill you…
He stood up and looked at her once more before leaving. As he close the door He whispered the words
"Miyu… Good night and I… love… you…" He completely closed the door and walks into his room and went to sleep.
Late Night Movie
Chapter 2: Fever
Miyu woke up surprised to find out that she's in her bedroom already.
"What the heck? Its morning… let's see… 5:30am… I missed the ending!" She shouted
"Will you shut up? It's early in the morning." Kanata said as he passed by Miyu's door
"You're early Kanata…"
"Of course, we have classes today, what do you expect? The bathroom is free, take a bath or will be late…"
"But it's still 7:00am 'till the gate closes…" Miyu stood up and picked his uniform out of her cabinet
"We'll have an assembly today, gate closes at 6:30… better hurry, or I'll leave you behind…"
"Okay… okay…"
They arrived in school just in time. They're neither early nor late. All classes had been dismissed early, since the principal announced that teachers will have a trip to another city to evaluate other school's performance. It's a relief for Kanata –I stayed up so late I wanna sleep all day- As Miyu and Kanata walked home Miyu noticed that Kanata's a little bit quiet, she looked at him… he doesn't look well too...
"Umm… Kanata?" she said
"Yeah?" He answered but not looking at her and still walking
"Are you sick?"
"Huh?" He looked at her and stopped walking
Miyu put her hand on Kanata's forehead
"You're hot… We got to get home soon… you have a fever." Miyu grabbed his hand and pulled him
"But… It can't be that bad…"
"But it can get worse…" Miyu walks faster
Miyu, you don't really have to care…-
As they reached home, Miyu asked Bow Meow to buy medicine for Kanata. Kanata went in his room, changed his uniform and lay down.
I do feel a little dizzy…- Kanata closed his eyes
"Kanata…" Miyu knocked on the door
"Come in." Kanata said, his eyes still closed
"Here." Miyu put a wet hand towel on Kanata's forehead
"Thanks."
Then silence. After awhile Kanata asked Miyu something
"Tell me, what was that movie all about?" still eyes closed
"Last night's movie?"
"Yeah."
"I really don't know, I only watched the half and missed the ending. I feel so stupid… I hate falling asleep while watching something."
"What do you think the story was about?"
"Action… Friendship… or something." She answered looking on the ceiling and thinking
"Wrong." He opened his eyes looking at Miyu
"Huh?" She stared at him confused
"Do you want to know how it ends?"
"Sure, Tell me."
"No I won't"
"And why is that?"
"I won't tell you but I might as well show you." Kanata sit up letting the towel fall of his forehead
"You really want to know how it ended?" Kanata asked once again
"Of course"
"I want you to come closer." Miyu moved a little bit closer to Kanata
"Closer." Kanata said, so she moved again
"Close your eyes." He told her
"I don't see your point Kanata."
"Just do it." He said
As Miyu closes her eyes Kanata leaned closer and kissed her. She was really surprised that she pulled back.
"What was that?" Miyu asked standing ready to leave
"You said you want that ending so that was it." He answered
"You mean they got together after all."
"I noticed you're watching a movie that seemed to have a connection to the two of us. You want to see the ending to find out how the two of us will end up. Is that right?"
"Um." Miyu calmed down and sit beside him again.
"Lay down… or else you'll have no choice but to be absent for school tomorrow." She said
Kanata lay down and closed his eyes as Miyu puts back the towel on his forehead.
"Kanata…"
"What is it now?" He answered in a not-so-angry tone
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry, for what?"
She held Kanata's hand, bent down and kissed him. After some seconds she broke the kiss and Kanata opened his eyes.
"Sorry for what?" he repeats his question
"I was just surprised that's why I pulled away… but I didn't mean to do that…"
"That was nothing, you returned the favor anyway."
"I'm glad you're not angry"
"Course not."
"Go to sleep." She stood up but Kanata caught her hand and turned her to face him.
"What?" she asked
"Where are you going?" Kanata asked
"I'll do the laundry today; if I don't you'll go to school naked tomorrow."
"Oh." He let Miyu's hand go
They both laugh.
"Get some rest"
Kanata easily fell asleep, Miyu then left the room.
Miyu woke up surprised to find out that she's in her bedroom already.
"What the heck? Its morning… let's see… 5:30am… I missed the ending!" She shouted
"Will you shut up? It's early in the morning." Kanata said as he passed by Miyu's door
"You're early Kanata…"
"Of course, we have classes today, what do you expect? The bathroom is free, take a bath or will be late…"
"But it's still 7:00am 'till the gate closes…" Miyu stood up and picked his uniform out of her cabinet
"We'll have an assembly today, gate closes at 6:30… better hurry, or I'll leave you behind…"
"Okay… okay…"
They arrived in school just in time. They're neither early nor late. All classes had been dismissed early, since the principal announced that teachers will have a trip to another city to evaluate other school's performance. It's a relief for Kanata –I stayed up so late I wanna sleep all day- As Miyu and Kanata walked home Miyu noticed that Kanata's a little bit quiet, she looked at him… he doesn't look well too...
"Umm… Kanata?" she said
"Yeah?" He answered but not looking at her and still walking
"Are you sick?"
"Huh?" He looked at her and stopped walking
Miyu put her hand on Kanata's forehead
"You're hot… We got to get home soon… you have a fever." Miyu grabbed his hand and pulled him
"But… It can't be that bad…"
"But it can get worse…" Miyu walks faster
Miyu, you don't really have to care…-
As they reached home, Miyu asked Bow Meow to buy medicine for Kanata. Kanata went in his room, changed his uniform and lay down.
I do feel a little dizzy…- Kanata closed his eyes
"Kanata…" Miyu knocked on the door
"Come in." Kanata said, his eyes still closed
"Here." Miyu put a wet hand towel on Kanata's forehead
"Thanks."
Then silence. After awhile Kanata asked Miyu something
"Tell me, what was that movie all about?" still eyes closed
"Last night's movie?"
"Yeah."
"I really don't know, I only watched the half and missed the ending. I feel so stupid… I hate falling asleep while watching something."
"What do you think the story was about?"
"Action… Friendship… or something." She answered looking on the ceiling and thinking
"Wrong." He opened his eyes looking at Miyu
"Huh?" She stared at him confused
"Do you want to know how it ends?"
"Sure, Tell me."
"No I won't"
"And why is that?"
"I won't tell you but I might as well show you." Kanata sit up letting the towel fall of his forehead
"You really want to know how it ended?" Kanata asked once again
"Of course"
"I want you to come closer." Miyu moved a little bit closer to Kanata
"Closer." Kanata said, so she moved again
"Close your eyes." He told her
"I don't see your point Kanata."
"Just do it." He said
As Miyu closes her eyes Kanata leaned closer and kissed her. She was really surprised that she pulled back.
"What was that?" Miyu asked standing ready to leave
"You said you want that ending so that was it." He answered
"You mean they got together after all."
"I noticed you're watching a movie that seemed to have a connection to the two of us. You want to see the ending to find out how the two of us will end up. Is that right?"
"Um." Miyu calmed down and sit beside him again.
"Lay down… or else you'll have no choice but to be absent for school tomorrow." She said
Kanata lay down and closed his eyes as Miyu puts back the towel on his forehead.
"Kanata…"
"What is it now?" He answered in a not-so-angry tone
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry, for what?"
She held Kanata's hand, bent down and kissed him. After some seconds she broke the kiss and Kanata opened his eyes.
"Sorry for what?" he repeats his question
"I was just surprised that's why I pulled away… but I didn't mean to do that…"
"That was nothing, you returned the favor anyway."
"I'm glad you're not angry"
"Course not."
"Go to sleep." She stood up but Kanata caught her hand and turned her to face him.
"What?" she asked
"Where are you going?" Kanata asked
"I'll do the laundry today; if I don't you'll go to school naked tomorrow."
"Oh." He let Miyu's hand go
They both laugh.
"Get some rest"
Kanata easily fell asleep, Miyu then left the room.
Everything I OWn
You sheltered me from harm
You kept me warm, You kept me warm
And you gave my life to me
You set me free, You set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
Miyu's P.O.V.
I remember the first time I first slept in his house. It felt creepy. I was scared… I don't know why… but as I learn how to live in his house, the Saionji Temple, I might as well call home, I became… better… braver… and more matured… I was happy I get to spent sometimes with him. I even think what will happen if we met somewhere and he didn't remember me… what would I feel…
And I would give everything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you
Back again
Kanata's P.O.V.
If ONLY I had a choice… If ONLY WE had a choice… this would've never happened…we wouldn't be separated… I wish I was stronger that time, so that I could fight for her… fight for us… I don't want her to leave… not at all… I just feel like I am falling apart without her… if ONLY…
You taught me how to love
What a time, What a time
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Miyu's P.O.V.
It's worth my time spending time with him. Each and everyday, I learned something new, something awesome… something unbelievable… sweet… and something that would surely melt anyone's heart…Kanata
And nobody else could ever know
(And nobody else could ever know)
The part of me that can't let go
And I would give everything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
Said I would give everything I own
(Everything I own), Just to have you
(Just to have you), Back again
Kanata P.O.V.
I want her back… and I'm getting her back… without any doubt… wait for me Miyu…
Is there someone you know
Loving them so
But taking them all for granted
You may lose them one day
(Lose them one day), Someone takes them away
And they don't hear the words you long to say
(Long to say, yeah)
Miyu's P.O.V.
I want to see him… I wanted to be with him… though of course… I would never let him know… I have to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Give up my life, give up my heart
Everything I own, (Everything I own)
I own, (Everything I own)
(Everything I own), Everything I own
You know, baby
My love for you will always stay true
That's right
'Cause there is no me without you
Kanata and Miyu both have the same ideas in their minds… and that's no other than… to see each other once again… Miyu get on her feet and get a train ticket to Kanata's
I would give everything I own
Everything I own
Nobody can love you, love you, love you, love you, like I do
As Miyu Went down on the train… Kanata arrived at the station…
Miyu: Kanata? Is that you?
Kanata: -Okay, It's probably an illusion… she can't be her… or can she-
Miyu: Kanata?
Kanata: Miyu!
He runs to her and hugs her… she hugged him back
Kanata: I was about to go to your house... I missed you so much!
Miyu: What did you just said?
Kanata quickly parted away from Miyu…
Kanata: Sorry, got carried away…
Miyu walked passed him, holding his hands
Miyu: I missed you too… now let's go home before it gets dark…
Kanata: Sure…
She smiled at him, and Kanata blushes…
And I would give everything I own
(Everything I own) (Everything I own)
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
(Everything I own), Just to have you
Back again, Just to have you
Back again...
You kept me warm, You kept me warm
And you gave my life to me
You set me free, You set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
Miyu's P.O.V.
I remember the first time I first slept in his house. It felt creepy. I was scared… I don't know why… but as I learn how to live in his house, the Saionji Temple, I might as well call home, I became… better… braver… and more matured… I was happy I get to spent sometimes with him. I even think what will happen if we met somewhere and he didn't remember me… what would I feel…
And I would give everything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you
Back again
Kanata's P.O.V.
If ONLY I had a choice… If ONLY WE had a choice… this would've never happened…we wouldn't be separated… I wish I was stronger that time, so that I could fight for her… fight for us… I don't want her to leave… not at all… I just feel like I am falling apart without her… if ONLY…
You taught me how to love
What a time, What a time
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Miyu's P.O.V.
It's worth my time spending time with him. Each and everyday, I learned something new, something awesome… something unbelievable… sweet… and something that would surely melt anyone's heart…Kanata
And nobody else could ever know
(And nobody else could ever know)
The part of me that can't let go
And I would give everything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
Said I would give everything I own
(Everything I own), Just to have you
(Just to have you), Back again
Kanata P.O.V.
I want her back… and I'm getting her back… without any doubt… wait for me Miyu…
Is there someone you know
Loving them so
But taking them all for granted
You may lose them one day
(Lose them one day), Someone takes them away
And they don't hear the words you long to say
(Long to say, yeah)
Miyu's P.O.V.
I want to see him… I wanted to be with him… though of course… I would never let him know… I have to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Give up my life, give up my heart
Everything I own, (Everything I own)
I own, (Everything I own)
(Everything I own), Everything I own
You know, baby
My love for you will always stay true
That's right
'Cause there is no me without you
Kanata and Miyu both have the same ideas in their minds… and that's no other than… to see each other once again… Miyu get on her feet and get a train ticket to Kanata's
I would give everything I own
Everything I own
Nobody can love you, love you, love you, love you, like I do
As Miyu Went down on the train… Kanata arrived at the station…
Miyu: Kanata? Is that you?
Kanata: -Okay, It's probably an illusion… she can't be her… or can she-
Miyu: Kanata?
Kanata: Miyu!
He runs to her and hugs her… she hugged him back
Kanata: I was about to go to your house... I missed you so much!
Miyu: What did you just said?
Kanata quickly parted away from Miyu…
Kanata: Sorry, got carried away…
Miyu walked passed him, holding his hands
Miyu: I missed you too… now let's go home before it gets dark…
Kanata: Sure…
She smiled at him, and Kanata blushes…
And I would give everything I own
(Everything I own) (Everything I own)
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
(Everything I own), Just to have you
Back again, Just to have you
Back again...
A Day at the Library
"Miyu, Kanata! Let's go to the library!" Miyu's mom said, as she opened the door. "Coming!" Miyu and Kanata said simultaneously as they ran towards the door. Today was what Miyu's mom called "Library Day".
Since Miyu's grades had dropped, her mom decided that Kanata should teach her, being a straight A student, and head of the student council. But, the drive to and from the library was always tough. It seemed like they didn't agree on anything! So today, Miyu's mom had a plan.
"Hey, Mom? Are we almost there?" Miyu asked, as she looked out Kanata's window. "Hey! Look out your own window!" Kanata yelled as he pushed her back.
"It's not my fault the library's on the left side!" Miyu yelled, as they got into yet another fight. Miyu's mom sighed. She hoped her plan would work. She was getting a massive headache!
Finally, after what felt like an hour, they got to the library. "WE'RE HERE!" Miyu's mom had to yell to be heard over the two. As soon as she said that, Miyu ran out of the car and into the library, leaving her mom and Kanata still standing by the car.
1 hour later…
When Kanata finally found Miyu, she was sitting down, listening to a band called 5 minutes. "Hey, Miyu," Kanata said, as he dropped down the complicated books that were in his hands.
"What are those?" Miyu asked, pointing to the books. "The stuff you're going to be working on." Kanata said, as he opened the math book, revealing complicated math problems that made Miyu's head spin just by looking at it.
Miyu sighed as she opened the textbook and started reading the problem aloud. "X+45(9x) +890/708-X+98001(X890) =?" It took Miyu a second to realize what she was reading.
"WTF!" She yelled, jumping out of her chair. Kanata smirked. "What? Too hard for you Miyu?" he asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"No!" Miyu said as she dashed out of the room, taking her music with her.
Miyu, too afraid to be caught by Kanata, hid in the bathroom, waiting for her mom to say it was time to leave. She looked at her watch. It was 5:50, and time for the library to close.
Slowly, Miyu went out and looked around. All the lights were off, and there was no one in the library at all. Could Kanata and mom just leaveme here? Miyu thought, as she walked towards the front door.
Miyu pulled on the door, trying to get it to open. She failed as she stumbled back and fell on something soft. "Miyu?" a familiar voice asked. "Kanata? Is that you?" Miyu asked, as she stood up.
"Yeah, what are you doing?" He asked. "Well, the library is locked and I can't get out!" Miyu yelled. Suddenly, she felt warm hands circling her from behind.
"K-Kanata?" Miyu asked, as she felt a chin on her head. "W-What are you-" but Miyu was cut off.
"Miyu." Kanata stated.
"Yes?" she squeaked.
"I love you." He said as he kissed her.
"K-Kanata…"
"Do you like me?" he asked, as he twirled her around to face him. Her emerald orbs met his brown ones, and she gave him a tight hug. Her head against his chest.
"I do. I have. Ever since Ruu left I've wanted to tell you, but I felt that if I told you, you would reject me!" Miyu said, as she started crying.
"Miyu…" Kanata said as he kissed her, leaving her lips tingling.
"Kanata…" she murmured in reply.
"You're such an idiot!" he said laughing.
"W-what! Kanata you jerk!" she yelled.
"You pulled the door when you tried opening it, right?" he asked.
"Well, yeah." She replied, as Kanata walked to the door and pushed it open.
Finally, Kanata couldn't hold it in. He started laughing. And not just laughing, he was becoming hysterical.
"Kanata, you jerk!" Miyu yelled as she laughed, losing the strength in her legs.
"I can't believe you, Miyu." Kanata said as they started walking towards the car, where Miyu's mom was waiting for them.
"Let's go home." He said, taking her hand in his.
They stayed that way for a while.
Since Miyu's grades had dropped, her mom decided that Kanata should teach her, being a straight A student, and head of the student council. But, the drive to and from the library was always tough. It seemed like they didn't agree on anything! So today, Miyu's mom had a plan.
"Hey, Mom? Are we almost there?" Miyu asked, as she looked out Kanata's window. "Hey! Look out your own window!" Kanata yelled as he pushed her back.
"It's not my fault the library's on the left side!" Miyu yelled, as they got into yet another fight. Miyu's mom sighed. She hoped her plan would work. She was getting a massive headache!
Finally, after what felt like an hour, they got to the library. "WE'RE HERE!" Miyu's mom had to yell to be heard over the two. As soon as she said that, Miyu ran out of the car and into the library, leaving her mom and Kanata still standing by the car.
1 hour later…
When Kanata finally found Miyu, she was sitting down, listening to a band called 5 minutes. "Hey, Miyu," Kanata said, as he dropped down the complicated books that were in his hands.
"What are those?" Miyu asked, pointing to the books. "The stuff you're going to be working on." Kanata said, as he opened the math book, revealing complicated math problems that made Miyu's head spin just by looking at it.
Miyu sighed as she opened the textbook and started reading the problem aloud. "X+45(9x) +890/708-X+98001(X890) =?" It took Miyu a second to realize what she was reading.
"WTF!" She yelled, jumping out of her chair. Kanata smirked. "What? Too hard for you Miyu?" he asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"No!" Miyu said as she dashed out of the room, taking her music with her.
Miyu, too afraid to be caught by Kanata, hid in the bathroom, waiting for her mom to say it was time to leave. She looked at her watch. It was 5:50, and time for the library to close.
Slowly, Miyu went out and looked around. All the lights were off, and there was no one in the library at all. Could Kanata and mom just leaveme here? Miyu thought, as she walked towards the front door.
Miyu pulled on the door, trying to get it to open. She failed as she stumbled back and fell on something soft. "Miyu?" a familiar voice asked. "Kanata? Is that you?" Miyu asked, as she stood up.
"Yeah, what are you doing?" He asked. "Well, the library is locked and I can't get out!" Miyu yelled. Suddenly, she felt warm hands circling her from behind.
"K-Kanata?" Miyu asked, as she felt a chin on her head. "W-What are you-" but Miyu was cut off.
"Miyu." Kanata stated.
"Yes?" she squeaked.
"I love you." He said as he kissed her.
"K-Kanata…"
"Do you like me?" he asked, as he twirled her around to face him. Her emerald orbs met his brown ones, and she gave him a tight hug. Her head against his chest.
"I do. I have. Ever since Ruu left I've wanted to tell you, but I felt that if I told you, you would reject me!" Miyu said, as she started crying.
"Miyu…" Kanata said as he kissed her, leaving her lips tingling.
"Kanata…" she murmured in reply.
"You're such an idiot!" he said laughing.
"W-what! Kanata you jerk!" she yelled.
"You pulled the door when you tried opening it, right?" he asked.
"Well, yeah." She replied, as Kanata walked to the door and pushed it open.
Finally, Kanata couldn't hold it in. He started laughing. And not just laughing, he was becoming hysterical.
"Kanata, you jerk!" Miyu yelled as she laughed, losing the strength in her legs.
"I can't believe you, Miyu." Kanata said as they started walking towards the car, where Miyu's mom was waiting for them.
"Let's go home." He said, taking her hand in his.
They stayed that way for a while.
Love is Bullshit
The one problem Kyoko hadn't imagined ever arising from her career and vengeance upon Fuwa Sho was the Japanese obsession with dating and romance. Every time one of her characters was in a relationship – hell, every time she was cast alongside an unattached male over the age of thirteen – her TV-spots and interviews and photo-shoots and oh, just... everything! It all came down to rumours about her relationships and interrogations over whether she had found the right man. Whether those nice earrings had been a gift from anyone. Whether she'd gone to the latest romantic cafés with anyone. When she mentioned she was single she'd either get reassured that she'd find someone soon, or get a wise sympathetic nod from a presenter who would go on to bemoan a degradation of romance, gentility, and attractiveness in the young male population of Tokyo. She got invitations to hook-up parties from fans, and love confession letters by the bag from fans.
At least once a week she had to face down Kanae's raucous laughter, when L.M.E got yet another formal request from a dating service. What, precisely, about being single and normal made Kyoko a desirable figurehead for people seeking love? It was utter madness. This obsession with love and pairing off (and then breaking up and starting all over again) in celebrity life disgusted Kyoko. Love was... it was...
Love was bullshit. Wishful thinking and self delusion. It was something that filled you with hormones and neural chemicals and obscured the real person you were with. It was, when you looked at it properly, the least romantic and intimate thing ever. Kyoko preferred to honestly know and care for her friends and family. She couldn't imagine, now, living without any real occupation or passion or community of friends. Kyoko had seen a lot of the selfish and ugly and ignoble in her friends, and it was wonderful.
People weren't happy iconic stereotypes who ran around buying branded drinks and finding true love in a handcream. She knew, because she'd worked in advertising. It was all like Sho's relationship with her; lies and glitter.
She imagined sex would be the same. It was hard to avoid sexuality and sex in the media; she'd even come across a fan-made porn comic about her Dark Moon character, Mio. Which was entirely disgusting, but it did prove the point. There was a lot of hype about sex, when the real truth of it was a bunch of people staring at rose-tinted, soft fuzzy lensed images and hiding their own orgasms from others. Grunting and clenching and relaxing.
So though she'd been curious about sex for a while, she didn't want it. She knew it would be as much if not more of a let-down than Sho had been. Unarousing, unappealing. If Kyoko was immune to love through her common-sense maybe she'd be equally immune to enjoying arousal. She'd be recognising the signs in her partner, and finding the whole thing repulsive.
So for her eighteenth birthday she didn't have anything romantic or seductive planned. She'd been thinking about having two parties: a lunch on set with the crew and her work friends, and then a dinner at the Darumaya with her closest and oldest friends and family. But she hadn't organised anything in advance really, so when Ren had asked if he could take her out to dinner on the day – just something between close friends – Kyoko had smiled, nodded, and decided that she'd just organise a bigger party once she'd finished her current job.
She was working on a film and wasn't the female lead, which meant pretty long exhausting days and unpredictable hours. Exhilarating fun, of course. But busy enough that a quiet dinner just with Ren seemed pretty ideal.
He took her somewhere nice, with a name that she probably should have remembered, but her head had been full of her lines and cues and partly with some ideas for her actual birthday party. The wait staff had been polite and lovely. The food, when it arrived, was so well-made that Kyoko gaped for a second. Ren was really going all-out for this treat!
"Well it is your eighteenth, Kyoko."
She laughed. "You know me to well!" She tasted her entrée before the thought hit her, square between the eyes inside her head.
"Ren? Do you think it sometimes feels like we've known each other longer than we have?"
He froze, cutlery poised over his own plate. "Ah, yes. In a way. A very long time, yes."
He seemed a bit flustered, but at least he was on the same page as her. "Not in a girly, soul-mate way, of course! Ah-hah, no! I meant, you know, just that we have this pretty good friendship and working relationship. It feels like I've known you forever, in that way."
"Mmn."
Ren didn't really answer, but there was that soft relaxed calm to the corners of his eyes, and there was no awkwardness at all between them. Slowly their conversation turned towards work, to their current and upcoming projects, and to some of the new recruits and child actors that their agency had taken on.
But then there was dessert, and that changed everything. A platter of delicate looking cakes and chocolates.
"I know it's been hard for you recently," Ren began, "with all of the questions about your relationships and co-stars in the media..."
Kyoko snorted and shook her head. "What? Bah, I am above love and beyond workplace romance! You know that more than anyone, Ren! My heart is rock-solid, stone-cold..."
Ren smiled and held up a hand. "And we know that, and all of your friends know that, but you can't pretend that it's not annoying to deal with in interviews."
Kyoko stole the one chocolate brownie from their platter and closed her eyes to enjoy the warm soft feel of it in her mouth. "Mnn."
"So I have two things I wanted to talk to you about, tonight."
Ren's face was very serious. Kyoko swallowed around her mouthful, throat suddenly dry and painful. "Yes...?"
"First, is a confession. And the second, is probably what you could call a business proposal of sorts."
Kyoko blinked. Her gut was tight and tense, and she didn't like the sound of it at all. Her instinct was to get up and run, to escape whatever Ren was on the cusp of confessing. Instead, she smoothed the napkin on her lap and took a bolstering sip of water from her glass.
"Well, to start with, let's have the business proposal."
Ren nodded solemnly and reached forward. He tried to take one of Kyoko's hands in his own, but she kept them firmly clasped in her lap. Finally he gave up, settled back in his chair and sighed heavily.
"This is the wrong way around, you know? But yes, the proposal. It's mostly for you, to help with those interviews and to maybe get us both some more exposure. Think about it? Scandal, and romance, and all that? It would sell our images like nothing else."
Kyoko really didn't like where this was going. "What would?"
Ren cleared his throat awkwardly. "I think that we should date."
Kyoko bit her lip and glared down at the table. "I don't do that sort of thing, Ren."
"I know." His voice was soft and resigned. "Of all people, Kyoko, of course I know. But that's why we should. We're friends, we see each other all the time anyway. It will give you an excuse in all sorts of situations, and drive up public interest in us as performers. And I don't mean that we should actually do anything, or change how we behave. It would be... for work. A business, not a relationship."
"That makes a disturbing amount of sense." Kyoko agreed. "Aside from annoying all sorts of pests, and making them stay away, I'd be able to cultivate a very good image for myself. I imagine that a lot of other female actresses would be jealous, when they realise that my name is going to be mentioned in passing in nearly every article on the great actor Ren Tsuruga."
Ren nodded. "I knew you'd understand."
It wasn't something that Kyoko would have felt comfortable with even one year ago, faking something like that. But as her eighteenth birthday neared, the gossip regarding her personal relationships and supposed love interests had escalated. She was trying to market herself. And Sho was still making a nuisance of himself intermittently. Though romance was far from her goal in life, dating Ren seemed to make more sense than anything else.
"I hate it, though."
"Oh?"
"That in a post-feminist society like this, I still have to be dating someone to get away from all that garbage. That I'm not stable or self-sufficient unless I'm hanging off of someone else's arm."
"Hmn." Ren was putting on a sad face, but he couldn't hide the quirk of a smile in the corner of his lips.
"No offence to your arm, of course. You have nice arms. But, well, you know what I mean. Anyway, so that's settled? We can get Yashiro to set everything up for us, work out scheduling..."
"Kyoko? There was that other thing, too."
Kyoko froze, blinking. "Ah, yes!" She lifted a finger with a smile. "The confession!" Her heart fell as she said the words. "I'm not sure I'm going to like this, am I?"
Ren shook his head slowly and sadly. This time when he reached out for her hands, Kyoko was more than happy to let him take them. He looked so crushed, like he'd lost all hope.
"I... I know you can't reciprocate, but I'm in love with you."
Kyoko couldn't say that she wasn't taken aback or shocked by that statement. Or that a part of her heart hadn't fluttered with fear at the very thought of being loved. But those were the parts of herself that she knew and was comfortable with. She was far more upset by the part of her inside that was pleased by that. It meant that she'd have a chance at maybe even enjoying sex, and having such vile and basic thoughts at a time when her good friend was in emotional turmoil was very disconcerting.
"That's alright," she said finally when she'd gathered her thoughts, "I've had that problem in the past too. Not with you, of course, but with being in love with someone. Now that we're officially a couple, I can help you work on that. There's nothing like dating someone to cure you of love!"
"Kyoko, I'm not sure that..."
She waved a hand dismissively at him. "Trust me, I've got experience at this."
His sigh – he was sighing a lot that night – was long-suffering and tired. Kyoko couldn't help but grin at the sound of it.
At twenty-three years old, Kyoko had gotten a little tired of birthdays. It usually meant film releases and interviews and end-of-year special appearances on television, and having large parties on top of everything else was a bit much. What she really enjoyed about this time of year was knowing how chilly it was outside in the morning, and feeling entirely warm and insulated from it all.
Maybe it was just Ren. She'd been surprised at how much body heat guys created in bed, the first few nights she'd slept over. She'd felt guilty about it at first, as if she was using Ren's infatuation with her as leverage for sex. But they both enjoyed it, and it wasn't as if they'd either of them entered into the relationship with any misconceptions.
Whenever Kyoko did voice her concerns, Ren had just teased her about it all, anyway. She'd gotten over her apprehension about it all a few years ago, and that meant that she could just stay in Ren's apartment and stretch lazily against him, all warm and drowsy and not-quite ready to face the day.
Ren's nose twitched, he sneezed and farted and rolled over away from Kyoko, stealing the sheets. So stifling a laugh Kyoko headed to the shower. There was certainly no romance in their lives, no sir! That fairytale romance that Ren's fans idealised – that Kyoko herself once had – didn't have any space inside for real human nature or biology.
And Ren was far from a chivalrous knight at the best of times. So Kyoko felt no guilt whatsoever when she flopped back down onto the mattress after her shower, letting cooling droplets of water fall onto Ren's face.
When that didn't wake him up, Kyoko simply tugged at the sheets he had clenched to his chest and gave him a little shove, unbalancing him just enough so that if he didn't wake up, he'd fall off the bed.
Ren seemed to have this inbuilt grace; something in him would detect imminent unbalancing and wake him up. That day was no different. Ren braced himself against the headboard, rolled back onto the bed properly, and blearily stared up at Kyoko.
"Muhahhhh?" Ren wasn't always the most articulate of people, first thing.
"Birthday breakfast, doofus! You're taking me out."
Ren sat up beside her, frowning. "I thought that L.M.E. had that party for you last night?"
Kyoko let a slow breath out. "You know, Ren, oh fixture of my life, if I was in this relationship for love, you'd be dealing with a very cranky woman right now."
"No kidding? Good thing you're not, then, and I get to sleep in on my weekend off."
Kyoko watched him re-assemble their bedcovers around himself. "Really? Pah."
Ren snorted into his pillow. "Pah nothing, Kyoko. You always have breakfast at the Darumaya, don't you?"
"They've gone on a holiday to Hawaii, believe it or not. And even if I was going, you'd be dropping me off."
Kyoko stared at Ren's unresponsive lumpy shape on the bed.
"...right?"
He didn't move, so Kyoko poked her tongue out at him and headed into the kitchen to get something to eat. With a hand on the fridge door, she called back over her shoulder. "If you loved me, you'd be taking me out for breakfast!"
"If you didn't love me, you wouldn't be so desperate!" he called back.
Kyoko couldn't keep the silly grin off her face. She loved this, whatever it was, between them. There had been a few awkward false starts, when she'd been dead-set on curing Ren of love and he'd been caught up in that romance and seduction bullcrap. But now they had balance, and had settled into a comfortable pattern of teasing and taking-the-piss that left a warm feeling in Kyoko's stomach. It was real and solid and honest and so much better than love that she really couldn't imagine ever having settled for those fake plastic love-dreams she'd had about Sho.
Then she opened the fridge and instead of leftovers and some vegetables, she saw a very carefully laid-out tray. An eclectic mix of food, to be sure, but they were all dishes that Kyoko could remember ordering or making at special times during the last few years. Onigiri like the ones Yashiro had brought to the set when they'd been in their first "starring opposite" roles on a big film. They'd eaten them together, sitting on a concrete barrier and looking out at the greyish dirty ocean that was their churning backdrop for several scenes, laughing about how the rest of the crew probably thought they were sharing intimate whispers together. They'd only been together for about six months at the time.
There was an Italian-style salad, looking just like the one from their first interview as an official couple, complete with pre-packaged plastic tasteless dressing. One of the oddly textured biscuits that Ren's parents had sent over, on one of the leftover odd-ends of crockery that the Darumaya kept giving to them when they visited. A cold bowl of rice-porridge, with tidy instructions for re-heating.
Kyoko shook her head as she carried the tray over and dutifully followed the instructions beside the pudding.
Ren had, of course, been faking his sleepiness. He got something else out of the fridge and settled himself down in the lounge chair in front of his low table, dropping a light kiss on Kyoko's shoulder as he went past.
"I do know how to use a microwave, you know!"
"I know."
She braced the tray on her hip as she waited the last thirty seconds for the porridge. "What are you eating, anyway?"
There was a long silence before the response came. Kyoko could barely hear it over the beep of the microwave.
"... wine jelly."
She twisted her mouth as she sat down and surveyed her breakfast, which didn't look anywhere near as appealing as the individual dishes had in the past. Kyoko settled for the onigiri, which seemed as good a place as any to start. "Ren? You do know that you are a complete and utter sap."
He smiled at her, his lips catching around the edges of his spoon. "Well it is our anniversary, dearest, and we have a very big TV spot later today..."
"Oh crap." Kyoko grimaced and wished he hadn't reminded her about that. "Yashiro will kill me if I bail, but it's my Birthday, you know? If I'd known this was going to happen, I'd have put off agreeing to all of this for a month or so. I mean... hell, I started going out with you to avoid awkward questions about romance, not invite them!"
Kyoko stretched her feet out, to feel the carpet squishing against her toes. "And stop rolling your eyes at me, Ren! It's not that I don't know how to spout lovey-dovey meaningless fluff. I just wish that I didn't have to do it today, is all."
As soon as she'd said that, she regretted it. The lightness and happiness was still there a little, but she could see that tell-tale hint of sadness and regret. It wasn't that she would ever take back their years together – Ren was her closest friend, and a very considerate lover – but she did worry about him sometimes. He'd been in love with her. So much more than she'd ever been in love with Sho, because Ren seemed to see Kyoko for who she really was. And he had her, in a sense. But she'd never be able to love him back, and when she tried to talk to Ren Tsuruga (best friend) about her feelings she ended up hurting Ren Tsuruga (heartsick idiot boyfriend).
Knowing she'd feel heavy and gross all day, Kyoko gritted her teeth and focused on forcing every last blobby reheated glop of rice-porridge down her throat. She chewed sternly on her lettuce, and shifted to sit closer beside him until their phones rang with the reminder messages that started their day.
Kyoko caught the train to L.M.E. while Ren and Yashiro went off somewhere, she had no idea where, but she was busy enough to not care. She had some scripts to skim over, and then a very serious discussion with her daily planner over which auditions and casting calls she could answer. She was meeting Maria for lunch, and had to put the finishing touches on a special outfit for a doll for that. She had to check up on Love-Me's activities; she'd gone from being a member to being more or less the mother hen for a bunch of new girls. She had to...
"Ahh, it's Kyoko!" A suited man made his way across the train to her.
She'd missed the morning squeeze, thank goodness, by sleeping in. But there were always stragglers. She put a smile on her face and turned to greet him politely. It wouldn't hurt, and she was only one stop away from her platform anyway.
"Good morning."
"Good morning! Or, should I say, Happy Birthday! Fancy seeing someone like you on public transport!"
Kyoko shook her head. "Oh no, I like catching the train. After all, I think an actor who lives in isolation really isn't doing themselves any favours. You have to live life to know how it feels, after all."
The man nodded emphatically, smiling. "Of course, you're such a great actress, so dedicated to your craft!"
The train was slowing, Kyoko could see the platform coming. It wasn't that she didn't like the guy, just that she really had far too much to do already. Not that her smile wavered once; her attitude towards customer satisfaction was second to none.
"I'm so surprised that I ran into someone who knew it was my birthday this early in the day! You must be a real fan! Thank you."
The man blushed slightly, and rubbed the back of his neck in that awkward way that older men seemed to think was endearing or something. "Oh, no, not at all. It's been a pleasure to meet you."
Kyoko inclined her head. "Likewise. Oh, and I'm not sure if it's been announced yet, but check out the L.M.E Christmas special tonight. Ren and I will appear live for an interview, then."
The man nodded emphatically and reassured Kyoko that he would until she made a polite farewell and disembarked. She was glad it had been a male fan, and a not too-pushy one at that. Some of the women could get quite invasive, and some of the men could get quite... ahem, untoward. Having fans in and of itself was a bit confronting. It was a sign of success, to be sure, but it made Kyoko feel guilty and sick inside to think that even just one of the people writing her letters might feel about her the same way she once felt about Sho.
It felt like human culture and society gone wrong. She'd made sure to protect that feeling inside herself, to not let herself get too isolated and big-headed like Sho had, or like some of the other actors and actresses she'd run across. It seemed like such an awful, hateful type of person to become.
She must have looked a little shell-shocked when she arrived at L.M.E., because when she ran into Kanae in the hallway, she found her arms being held gently and her legs being guided into a nearby tea-room.
"Kyoko! You should take better care of yourself, you idiot! What on earth happened? Don't tell me that a big star like yourself is too delicate for a train-ride."
"Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no. I was just thinking, that's all."
"Oh, right." Kanae patted her shoulder and gave her a knowing wink. "Did you have to cut your special time with Ren short this morning? Or worse, did he ask you to participate in some sort of kinky play? Were there toys?"
"What? Oh, ew, no. Moko, that's disgusting!"
"Aha, so you are alive. You didn't seem like yourself when you came in. I must have followed you halfway up that corridor, before I gave up calling your name and just grabbed you."
"Really? Huh. I can't even remember what I was thinking about now."
Kanae gave Kyoko a very careful look. "Anyway, are you doing anything today that's time sensitive? The Love-Me girls have been bugging me about stuff all morning, and I am not being paid to babysit teen talent."
Though Kanae always put on that cold and bored face, Kyoko knew the real truth. "You're just grumpy because you can't hold back your caring family instinct."
"Shows how much you know." Kanae scowled and waited with her arms crossed. She was between Kyoko and the door, and Kyoko found herself more interested in that than in teasing her. For all that she'd grown over the years, Kanae was still very much the same person she always was. A little self-conscious about her home life.
"Moko my dear, did you come looking for me? Did you need me for anything?"
Kanae cast a sidelong look down the hallway. "Nothing really, no..."
"I was just planning on looking through those scripts that were dropped in last week..."
"Ah, really? You should, ah, tell me about them."
Kyoko gave her friend a very careful look. "They do realise that if they make a surprise for me every year, that I'll see it coming?"
"The scripts?" Kanae was a very good actress, but she couldn't seem to be able to keep it in. She laughed softly, and then louder as Kyoko joined her. It took them a few seconds to recover from the hilarity of it all.
"Yeah, the girls asked me to keep you away from that entire floor. And you know how I feel about it all."
"I do?"
"Yeah. It was your eagerness and desperation that started the whole division, so you can damn well suffer whatever they have to throw at you."
Kyoko laughed a little nervously. "Oh come on, it wasn't my idea, you know! And anyway, some of the lessons are pretty important. The skills I learnt in the hospitality industry are very applicable to entertainment."
"Yeah, you've told me. A few times, in fact."
Kyoko stuck her tongue out and leant back against the cupboards. "So when can I go up to be surprised?"
"Whenever I get a message saying they're done. Though it is your birthday. Maybe I should keep you hostage longer while I still can, and nag you about Ren."
Kyoko froze for a second. Kanae hadn't ever given up on trying to push further, or insinuate that there was more between Kyoko and Ren. It made her uncomfortable because Kanae was her friend; she knew the truth about their relationship. Kyoko got enough of the love bullshit from everywhere else, and she didn't like to talk about it with people who should know better.
"Yeah, he's picking me up here later today, and we're doing an early evening interview. Then I guess we'll have dinner together."
"You know that's not what I -"
Kanae's phone rang out loudly and cheerily. Kanae gave Kyoko a look that left no doubt they'd be talking about this all later, as she answered it.
"Yep? Okay, great, yeah." She hung up abruptly and waved magnanimously towards the open doorway. "Your highness, your public awaits!"
Kyoko rolled her eyes but curtsied playfully and made her way upstairs happily enough. She could see, paying enough attention to her surroundings to ignore making eye contact with Kanae, little paper flowers stuck here and there; the girls had brightened up even the corridors she'd be walking down during her working day. It was very sweet of them.
"Down here, they're using their room for it."
When they were a few paces away from the room, Kyoko raised her voice as loud as she dared. "So why did you want me to come here, Moko? I'm confused..."
Kanae rolled her eyes and mouthed something at Kyoko that was probably along the lines of "you sweet idiot!"
Kyoko swung the door open widely and exhaled so that she could take in an appropriately large gasp of excitement. Before her, the five ragtag aspiring actors and actresses spread their arms wide and exclaimed in bright voices, "Surprise!"
"Oh!" Kyoko couldn't force a blush, but she felt one growing warm on her face anyway. She'd only agreed to be in Love-Me because she'd had no other options at the time, because she was desperate and dedicated. She was probably getting way more recognition for the whole thing than she deserved. "Oh wow, you guys! This is just great!"
"You're welcome, by the way." Kanae's voice came from behind her, flat and dry.
Kyoko looked around the room, seeing the fantasy and fairy-tale theme to the decorations. Her daydreams weren't a huge secret, but she could imagine Kanae shepherding the kids into setting up the decorations right. No, not right, it was all...
"It's perfect. It's a credit to all the members of Love-Me," Kyoko turned to grin at Kanae, "past and present!"
In the end, she didn't get any scripts read. She spent the entire rest of the morning thanking people and trying to politely decline any more food. She smiled and nodded and offered up her well-rehearsed answers when anyone asked her about her anniversary with Ren. You'd think they were a married royal couple, the way that everyone seemed to have it ingrained in their minds. She just kept smiling, nodding, thanking, and moving on before they could offer her cake.
She had completely forgotten to work on the present for Maria. In the end, she was crouching in the corner of the lift and sewing the tidiest stitches that she could. She luckily only had a few finishing touches to make, and she was shoving her needles and thread into her handbag as the doors opened to reveal a very prettily dressed Maria.
"Hello."
"Hi, Maria, how are you today?" Maria was quite changed from the person she had been when they'd first met. Even from the first birthday party they'd shared together. She'd grown tall and elegant looking. A real fairy princess. She made Kyoko feel a little awkward and spindly short beside her. With Maria's long flowing hair, Kyoko's short cute cut seemed almost like a boyish child's. And she wasn't even sixteen yet, it was all so unfair!
If Maria hadn't become closer to her father, if she'd still had that childhood crush on Ren, then...
It wasn't really worth thinking about. Except that sometimes Kyoko did think about it. What if she was exploiting Ren? What if he'd really been meant for someone else, like in a grand and wonderful fairy-tale? There wasn't just guilt involved, but this greedy jealous clutching ache inside of Kyoko's chest. She wasn't the one who could give Ren a real romantic loving relationship, but she didn't want to lose him to someone who could, either. The thoughts made her feel ugly and bitter and hideous inside.
"Are you okay, Kyoko?"
"Oh? Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I think I'm still a little dazed from all the crowds I've been in these last two days. You held a great party, by the way!"
Maria seemed tickled pink to hear it. "You think so? I just wish that Dad had been able to stay, instead of having to work."
"Ahh, but you get to visit him next week, right?"
Maria nodded, her long hair jostling with the motion. "Indeed I do! He said we'd travel a little, too."
Kyoko put on a sigh and cast her eyes eastwards – or what she thought was east – wistfully. "I had a Dad from America, once. It was a Love-Me assignment."
Maria blinked. "A Dad from America?"
"You know, I had to pander to his needs all week? That big-name star, Kuu...? Ah, I've forgotten it, I think. I had to pretend he was my father for a little bit, and since I'd never had a Dad as such, I really lost something when he went away."
Maria was thinking very hard about it as they walked to a nearby café. "Wait, this was before you started dating Ren?"
"Ahh, yep, sure was." Kyoko was so busy making sure she hadn't creased the clothing in her rush to hide it from sight that she very nearly missed the odd look Maria was giving her.
"I remember Grandpa saying something about Ren's..."
"Ren? Oh, no it was nothing to do with Ren. Seriously, what is it with people today?"
Kyoko felt a bit depressed that Maria hadn't laughed at her silly joke, but there was a waitress and the ordering of drinks and food, and by then it really was time to hand over the present before it was at risk of becoming soiled by their lunch.
"I'm so sorry it wasn't done in time to give to you last night, and it's not wrapped properly, but, well, here..." Kyoko pulled it out and spread the fabric neatly out on the table. The year before she'd given Maria a doll based on a photograph of her mother, something delicate and commemorative now that those old wounds were healing. It had been a bit of a risk, but Maria had loved it. So what else could Kyoko do but make something even better this time? She'd spend months sourcing fabric that was the right colour and texture and then cutting the small pieces.
She'd found a jeweller to make the accessories properly, and worked on all the details so carefully that Ren had joked she'd be needing thick geekish glasses before she was thirty. What an awful thing to have said! But in the end it was perfect; a replica of the rich and elaborate wedding dress that Maria's mother had worn.
"It was probably a bit presumptuous of me, but I just loved it so much in the photographs I used as a reference for last year that I just had to make it."
Maria looked a little teary-eyed as she gazed down at it. She brushed her fingertips against the fine material, and Kyoko felt pride in her workmanship swell in her chest.
"Oh Kyoko, it's incredible, so beautiful!"
Kyoko nodded. "I thought you'd understand! Moko said it'd just be creepy, but what does she know!"
Kyoko got a wordless hug across the table for her efforts, Maria's light young arms surprisingly strong around her neck. Kyoko began forgetting herself, enjoying herself, and the time just rushed past. She lingered over coffee with Maria, and absent-mindedly skimmed her scripts until sometime in the afternoon when her phone rang and her blood turned cold.
She felt a shiver down her spine. She'd almost forgotten that it wasn't just her birthday, but something far more sinister. It was her special Christmas film release and romantic anniversary. She didn't need to look at her phone to know that it was Ren, pulling up outside L.M.E. to pick her up for their interview.
They'd said their greetings when she'd got into the car, but when they were in the elevator heading up to the studio, Ren leant down to press a kiss into her cheek. That in itself wasn't unusual, but the way that he lingered there until the doors opened again was. They logged in at the desk, followed the man that was sent to direct them to their prep room, and were put through the usual. They got wired up, dressed up, made-up, and left to their own devices for a few minutes. Years of practice meant that it was all routine. Once the door had shut behind the last crewmember, Kyoko took a deep breath in and turned to Ren. He looked... tired.
"Are you alright? What on earth did Yashiro have organised for you today?"
Ren gave her an inscrutable look, and Kyoko found herself staring into his eyes, wishing that somehow she'd be able to magically understand what he was thinking.
"Just normal things. Interviews, a meeting with the producers for that new show. And I'm fine, I just..." Ren shook his head and wrapped his tall frame around hers, one arm holding her head against his chest.
It wasn't strange, Ren held her all the time, and spontaneously. But Ren's strange mood was a little catching. Kyoko found herself leaning closer into his embrace.
"You just...?"
He shook his head. "Nothing, just thinking."
Kyoko smiled a little though Ren couldn't see it. "I've been doing that today. I blame your strange, strange breakfast."
They stayed quiet and just together for a few seconds. It was Kyoko who broke the moment, remembering that they were about to be called onstage. "So, is there any agenda or setup for tonight? Anything we have to mention or do?"
Every now and then Yashiro liked them to mimic some lines or body language from their films and TV appearances, subtle cross-promotion. Adherence to the more popular standards in language and dress and behaviour did improve their market saturation. Helped to hook in more audience.
"What?" Ren sounded genuinely surprised, though it was a normal enough question. "No, nothing. I was thinking maybe we should just go for honesty."
Kyoko was a little confused by that. "You mean, no real things, but just the basic flirty romance?"
Ren pulled back with a pained smile, and shook his head. "Any. All of it. Don't put on an act, alright? Just be honest. You hate the idea of love, so why don't you help other girls by showing that you can have a good and honest relationship without it?"
Kyoko's eyebrows furrowed and she felt the heady weightless nerves that she often got before live appearances – but different. She felt like she'd been cut adrift and lost, and the feeling terrified her.
"R-Ren? What do you mean by that?"
"I want you to just tell the truth. I'm worried that this facade is destroying you inside, and I..."
Kyoko had been about to interrupt Ren, to tell him that he was the one that should be being worried about, that she'd never suffered at all from being with him, but they were both interrupted by the door opening and their call to the set.
Kyoko felt shuddery, shaky, downright scared as she checked her mic wires and settled into the interview couch. She couldn't see Ren as he sat behind her, but she could hear and feel his arm settling around the back of their chair. He always smelt of this strange sweat when they were under TV lighting together; like sunscreen and chemical burns and too-new clothing. It wasn't helping her relax at all.
The way that it always did when Kyoko needed time to think and prepare, the countdown was over and the female host of the show was leaning forwards, a warm and presentable smile bobbing up and down with her head as she introduced herself.
Kyoko smiled and nodded back, when one of the woman's slender hands waved in her direction.
"...and we're so pleased to have them both here tonight. Especially given what tonight is. This isn't just a promo for their Christmas romance, but also Kyoko's birthday!"
"Aha, yes. And it's a pleasure to share it with all of you." Kyoko couldn't keep her eyes on the hostess, or even facing towards the cameras. She twisted in Ren's arms and glanced up, trying to see him though of course she couldn't, being so short and in such a stupid pose.
Beside them, the hostess continued her introductory spiel. "But it's something else today, too. You see, five years ago was when their relationship began! I don't know how you manage, with Christmas as well!"
Ren laughed, and Kyoko could feel him shift against her as he moved his free arm. He was probably fiddling with his hair, a nervous gesture he'd developed that really seemed to affect his fangirls. "Well, we're used to being busy. It's not so difficult to spend a day occupied like this. Even working today, because of the threefold event I get to spend the entire day focused on our relationship rather than any of the characters we're appearing as currently."
Kyoko found herself nodding at that. "Exactly. It's this one day in each year that we can relax a little, because all the questions aren't about our characters or the work we're doing, but things that are happening in our personal lives."
The hostess nodded thoughtfully. "Though I imagine it might feel a bit invasive? I know some celebrities of your calibre like to guard their privacy very closely..."
"Oh, not at all! I mean, we don't invite people into our home, for example, but, well..." Kyoko felt herself a little flustered. She was losing momentum, as the nervous high faded and Ren's earlier words came back to the front of her mind. Luckily, Ren seemed to notice.
He re-crossed his legs, using the movement to shift closer against her side. "It's nice to think that instead of this idealised image, for one day a year we get to relax and focus on ourselves as people, not actors. So even if we work all day, or if we're separated by smaller jobs for most of it – like we were today – our relationship is still being publicly recognised and celebrated in a way."
The hostess kept smiling, nodding, and being generally presentable. "So in that way, it's a little like an engagement or a marriage, being recognised by everyone? I know you must get asked this a lot, but have you two ever thought of getting married?"
Kyoko's heart froze. There was no way she'd be able to answer this question honestly and not hurt Ren. She kept her smile pasted on, but worried that her panic would show in her eyes, she tilted her head away from the cameras and into Ren's shoulder. It gave her an uncomfortable twist in her spine, but nobody would be able to see that from the front of the set.
Ren's hand brushed against the inside of her arm, and his answer took her entirely by surprise. "Aha, no. Well yes, we have thought about it. But we don't really think it's necessary. Neither of us really have many family obligations, and in the end it really is just a ceremony. I think we've both had enough fake weddings in our line of work that another one seems a little meaningless."
"Oh, my! But what about you, Kyoko! Surely the thought of a romantic and elegant wedding is every woman's dream."
The question came as a bit of a surprise. Hadn't Ren already answered the woman? This was exactly why Kyoko hated these interviews. "Uh, not really, no."
The hostess seemed a little confused, as if she'd been expecting the usual sweet nonsense that most of her guests spouted. That Kyoko herself had come out with in the past, too. To her credit the woman recovered in less than a second and was nodding and smiling as if nothing had happened.
"To have such a trusting and committed relationship, to be beyond worries about marriage or other things like that... you must have had a very romantic and loving beginning?"
Kyoko shifted uneasily, tapping the toe of one shoe against the side of the other. This had the potential to go horribly wrong no matter what she said.
"I don't know if I'd be comfortable using those words. How can I... hmm, it's difficult." Kyoko tilted her head and was very glad to feel Ren's hand sliding down the chair, sitting warm and safe around her waist. He felt less distant than at the start, which helped. It gave her the courage to be honest like he wanted.
Kyoko took a breath and continued. "I didn't have any feelings of romance or infatuation, not like that. But Ren was one of my closest friends, and someone that I felt comfortable around. When people think of reasons to date someone, they think about sexual attraction or romantic infatuation. We started our relationship based on a more personal and emotional attachment."
"Well, you did." Ren's voice was a little strange, echoing through the microphone. Kyoko could feel his chin resting on top of her head. "But I've always been a bit more gullible than you."
Kyoko snorted. "There's an understatement."
The hostess cocked her head curiously. "Gullible?"
"What my dear darling Kyoko means, you see, is that I am a true romantic at heart. She's more of a... hmm..."
Kyoko gave Ren a good-natured jab in the ribs. "I can hear you, you know."
"Well in that case, why don't you help me explain. How do you feel about romance, Kyoko?"
Kyoko could have killed him for that. Really, she could have. She could feel that twist of fury unwinding in her gut. It had faded with age and time, but serious thoughts of romance still brought it back sometimes. She couldn't keep that hateful energy from sneaking into her reply. But really it served Ren right; he was pushing the issue, after their awful conversation in the room backstage. If she came across as a bit rabid, he'd just have to deal with that.
"It's awful! When you think about love, you don't think about the real parts of it. I fight him tooth and nail over who has to clean the bathroom. He nags me about doing too much, and I nag him about that. There are all these conflicts, and then in the middle of it all moments of peace. And we laugh a lot, too."
"At each other." Ren added.
Hearing the warm smile in the edges of his voice just bled all that uneasiness out of Kyoko. She remembered some of the times they'd shared together, and even just the absurd arguments they got into over how to load the dishwasher. And damnit, if Ren hadn't got her feeling all nostalgic and dopey with that one line, she'd have something useful to say. Instead she was just agreeing and smiling and trying to think of something, anything, other than how comfortable life with Ren was.
"Yeah, at each other."
"But to be honest," Kyoko admitted, "this is far more real than any infatuation or love. I've felt those, had that big first crush, and what I have with Ren is different. I could live on after the broken heart I had when I was first dumped by my teenage crush. Even before I was dumped, I could imagine that sense of loss or abandonment. I could imagine breaking up. I honestly can't imagine life without Ren. I feel... like it's impossible, for a world without Ren beside me to be real."
Kyoko felt like something had snapped inside her. Like all the tension had snapped back into place. Nothing was different at all, and everything she had said was completely true, but something had changed inside her at the same time. She'd noticed something about herself, and she couldn't put a finger on it.
"You really are in love with each other, it's so refreshing to see that in a celebrity couple. I'm sure I speak for our entire audience tonight when I say that we've been honoured to have this honest insight into your relationship. Though we're going to have to move on now to a scene from your upcoming film." The hostess rushed through the words, obviously glad to have that segment over and done with.
There was a minute of silence between everyone as the tepid romantic scene played out behind them. It was always odd for Kyoko to see or hear herself like that, especially when Ren was also involved, but for once she hardly noticed it enough to feel uncomfortable. She felt the words echoing round in her head, as her eyes pricked and stung. You really are in love with each other. She wasn't in danger of crying and smudging her makeup – she was too experienced for that – but she knew she would have if she'd been anywhere without cameras.
She clenched her hand tightly around Ren's, and closed her eyes. It wasn't like it was a huge revelation. She'd been carrying the knowledge around inside herself all these years. Her infatuation for Sho hadn't been love. It hadn't been anywhere close. Love had just been a childish label she'd used first to justify her stupid behaviour and then to protect herself from it.
The promo clip was over. They said polite farewells to the hostess and the audience, and then made their way offstage and stripped off their borrowed clothes and wires and were suddenly just there, in the cold concrete back-rooms of the studio, together.
"You knew, didn't you?" She asked finally as they made their way into the carpark and to Ren's car. Kyoko had been holding on tight to his hand, and they paused to pull apart before they went to their respective doors.
"I hoped." Ren said finally, his hair falling forwards to just barely hide his eyes from her line of sight. "I wanted it so much that I was worried I'd tricked myself into thinking it was real, so I only let myself hope."
Kyoko sighed, feeling exhuasted after the day she'd had. "You," she said decisively, "are an idiot. And I am an idiot. We are..."
"Idiots?"
Kyoko sunk into her chair and slumped so that she could hardly see out through the window. "That too."
Ren seemed to understand the mood she was in. He'd always been wonderful like that, so attuned to her. She'd been taking it all for granted, for so very long. Even her own heart. She'd been assuming she was immune to love, that she'd never stopped to think about what love itself really was.
"Should we go to dinner?"
"Hmn? No, can we just go home?"
"Of course."
Kyoko felt shaken by it all all the way into the parking spot and up to their floor; through the living room and bedroom door. She only felt on solid ground again when she'd grabbed Ren by the hand, and pulled him into bed beside her. Lights off, with the sheets pulled over their heads and the whole world shut out, she found it easier to fight against her years of practice and paranoia.
"I've never done this before, so, um, sorry if it sucks."
Ren laughed gently. She couldn't see much of his eyes, but what she could see looked more relaxed and happy than she'd seen in a while on him. "If what...?"
"Shh." She waggled a finger at him, then realised that neither of them could see it. So she put her hands on either side of his face and gathered up all her courage.
"I love you."
Once she'd said it, it wasn't really a big thing at all. In fact, it was really way simpler than she'd expected. Which entirely made sense. She hadn't just fallen in love with Ren in the last few hours, she'd probably been head over heels for years and just not noticed it due to human error and misconceptions about classifications and emotions.
Even so, the gravity and importance of the moment seemed to have escaped Ren. "... and that's it? You know people usually kiss or, well," he ran a finger down her arm in a way that she'd forbidden outside the bedroom, "other things."
Kyoko poked him sternly in the chest. "I've done all sorts of other things before with you, you know! This is a first-time love confession! I'm validating our entire relationship here, you could be a bit more chivalrous."
He snorted, and she could feel his breath on her cheek. She pressed on, though she couldn't hold herself back from giggling too. "You're a romantic male lead! You've had years of experience of this sort of situation, and you..."
Ren's finger on her lips stopped her right there. "You're wrong," he said, shifting closer to press a warm dry kiss to her forehead, "I've never been in this situation before. Not once."
"Oh." Kyoko supposed he did have a point there, all things considered. She would have said as much, but by then words had really become superfluous to, well, other things.
Kyoko stretched lazily in bed, her arms and legs brushing up against Ren's. He mumbled in his sleep and curled into the covers tighter. She wasn't really ready to get up quite yet, so she wrapped her legs and arms around him and made herself comfortable.
Love was pretty stupid, all things considered. It made absolutely no sense, and was a complete pain in the arse. It was selfish and ugly and often completely oblivious even to itself. But that was just what people were like, really, and in the end Kyoko wouldn't have it any other way.
At least once a week she had to face down Kanae's raucous laughter, when L.M.E got yet another formal request from a dating service. What, precisely, about being single and normal made Kyoko a desirable figurehead for people seeking love? It was utter madness. This obsession with love and pairing off (and then breaking up and starting all over again) in celebrity life disgusted Kyoko. Love was... it was...
Love was bullshit. Wishful thinking and self delusion. It was something that filled you with hormones and neural chemicals and obscured the real person you were with. It was, when you looked at it properly, the least romantic and intimate thing ever. Kyoko preferred to honestly know and care for her friends and family. She couldn't imagine, now, living without any real occupation or passion or community of friends. Kyoko had seen a lot of the selfish and ugly and ignoble in her friends, and it was wonderful.
People weren't happy iconic stereotypes who ran around buying branded drinks and finding true love in a handcream. She knew, because she'd worked in advertising. It was all like Sho's relationship with her; lies and glitter.
She imagined sex would be the same. It was hard to avoid sexuality and sex in the media; she'd even come across a fan-made porn comic about her Dark Moon character, Mio. Which was entirely disgusting, but it did prove the point. There was a lot of hype about sex, when the real truth of it was a bunch of people staring at rose-tinted, soft fuzzy lensed images and hiding their own orgasms from others. Grunting and clenching and relaxing.
So though she'd been curious about sex for a while, she didn't want it. She knew it would be as much if not more of a let-down than Sho had been. Unarousing, unappealing. If Kyoko was immune to love through her common-sense maybe she'd be equally immune to enjoying arousal. She'd be recognising the signs in her partner, and finding the whole thing repulsive.
So for her eighteenth birthday she didn't have anything romantic or seductive planned. She'd been thinking about having two parties: a lunch on set with the crew and her work friends, and then a dinner at the Darumaya with her closest and oldest friends and family. But she hadn't organised anything in advance really, so when Ren had asked if he could take her out to dinner on the day – just something between close friends – Kyoko had smiled, nodded, and decided that she'd just organise a bigger party once she'd finished her current job.
She was working on a film and wasn't the female lead, which meant pretty long exhausting days and unpredictable hours. Exhilarating fun, of course. But busy enough that a quiet dinner just with Ren seemed pretty ideal.
He took her somewhere nice, with a name that she probably should have remembered, but her head had been full of her lines and cues and partly with some ideas for her actual birthday party. The wait staff had been polite and lovely. The food, when it arrived, was so well-made that Kyoko gaped for a second. Ren was really going all-out for this treat!
"Well it is your eighteenth, Kyoko."
She laughed. "You know me to well!" She tasted her entrée before the thought hit her, square between the eyes inside her head.
"Ren? Do you think it sometimes feels like we've known each other longer than we have?"
He froze, cutlery poised over his own plate. "Ah, yes. In a way. A very long time, yes."
He seemed a bit flustered, but at least he was on the same page as her. "Not in a girly, soul-mate way, of course! Ah-hah, no! I meant, you know, just that we have this pretty good friendship and working relationship. It feels like I've known you forever, in that way."
"Mmn."
Ren didn't really answer, but there was that soft relaxed calm to the corners of his eyes, and there was no awkwardness at all between them. Slowly their conversation turned towards work, to their current and upcoming projects, and to some of the new recruits and child actors that their agency had taken on.
But then there was dessert, and that changed everything. A platter of delicate looking cakes and chocolates.
"I know it's been hard for you recently," Ren began, "with all of the questions about your relationships and co-stars in the media..."
Kyoko snorted and shook her head. "What? Bah, I am above love and beyond workplace romance! You know that more than anyone, Ren! My heart is rock-solid, stone-cold..."
Ren smiled and held up a hand. "And we know that, and all of your friends know that, but you can't pretend that it's not annoying to deal with in interviews."
Kyoko stole the one chocolate brownie from their platter and closed her eyes to enjoy the warm soft feel of it in her mouth. "Mnn."
"So I have two things I wanted to talk to you about, tonight."
Ren's face was very serious. Kyoko swallowed around her mouthful, throat suddenly dry and painful. "Yes...?"
"First, is a confession. And the second, is probably what you could call a business proposal of sorts."
Kyoko blinked. Her gut was tight and tense, and she didn't like the sound of it at all. Her instinct was to get up and run, to escape whatever Ren was on the cusp of confessing. Instead, she smoothed the napkin on her lap and took a bolstering sip of water from her glass.
"Well, to start with, let's have the business proposal."
Ren nodded solemnly and reached forward. He tried to take one of Kyoko's hands in his own, but she kept them firmly clasped in her lap. Finally he gave up, settled back in his chair and sighed heavily.
"This is the wrong way around, you know? But yes, the proposal. It's mostly for you, to help with those interviews and to maybe get us both some more exposure. Think about it? Scandal, and romance, and all that? It would sell our images like nothing else."
Kyoko really didn't like where this was going. "What would?"
Ren cleared his throat awkwardly. "I think that we should date."
Kyoko bit her lip and glared down at the table. "I don't do that sort of thing, Ren."
"I know." His voice was soft and resigned. "Of all people, Kyoko, of course I know. But that's why we should. We're friends, we see each other all the time anyway. It will give you an excuse in all sorts of situations, and drive up public interest in us as performers. And I don't mean that we should actually do anything, or change how we behave. It would be... for work. A business, not a relationship."
"That makes a disturbing amount of sense." Kyoko agreed. "Aside from annoying all sorts of pests, and making them stay away, I'd be able to cultivate a very good image for myself. I imagine that a lot of other female actresses would be jealous, when they realise that my name is going to be mentioned in passing in nearly every article on the great actor Ren Tsuruga."
Ren nodded. "I knew you'd understand."
It wasn't something that Kyoko would have felt comfortable with even one year ago, faking something like that. But as her eighteenth birthday neared, the gossip regarding her personal relationships and supposed love interests had escalated. She was trying to market herself. And Sho was still making a nuisance of himself intermittently. Though romance was far from her goal in life, dating Ren seemed to make more sense than anything else.
"I hate it, though."
"Oh?"
"That in a post-feminist society like this, I still have to be dating someone to get away from all that garbage. That I'm not stable or self-sufficient unless I'm hanging off of someone else's arm."
"Hmn." Ren was putting on a sad face, but he couldn't hide the quirk of a smile in the corner of his lips.
"No offence to your arm, of course. You have nice arms. But, well, you know what I mean. Anyway, so that's settled? We can get Yashiro to set everything up for us, work out scheduling..."
"Kyoko? There was that other thing, too."
Kyoko froze, blinking. "Ah, yes!" She lifted a finger with a smile. "The confession!" Her heart fell as she said the words. "I'm not sure I'm going to like this, am I?"
Ren shook his head slowly and sadly. This time when he reached out for her hands, Kyoko was more than happy to let him take them. He looked so crushed, like he'd lost all hope.
"I... I know you can't reciprocate, but I'm in love with you."
Kyoko couldn't say that she wasn't taken aback or shocked by that statement. Or that a part of her heart hadn't fluttered with fear at the very thought of being loved. But those were the parts of herself that she knew and was comfortable with. She was far more upset by the part of her inside that was pleased by that. It meant that she'd have a chance at maybe even enjoying sex, and having such vile and basic thoughts at a time when her good friend was in emotional turmoil was very disconcerting.
"That's alright," she said finally when she'd gathered her thoughts, "I've had that problem in the past too. Not with you, of course, but with being in love with someone. Now that we're officially a couple, I can help you work on that. There's nothing like dating someone to cure you of love!"
"Kyoko, I'm not sure that..."
She waved a hand dismissively at him. "Trust me, I've got experience at this."
His sigh – he was sighing a lot that night – was long-suffering and tired. Kyoko couldn't help but grin at the sound of it.
At twenty-three years old, Kyoko had gotten a little tired of birthdays. It usually meant film releases and interviews and end-of-year special appearances on television, and having large parties on top of everything else was a bit much. What she really enjoyed about this time of year was knowing how chilly it was outside in the morning, and feeling entirely warm and insulated from it all.
Maybe it was just Ren. She'd been surprised at how much body heat guys created in bed, the first few nights she'd slept over. She'd felt guilty about it at first, as if she was using Ren's infatuation with her as leverage for sex. But they both enjoyed it, and it wasn't as if they'd either of them entered into the relationship with any misconceptions.
Whenever Kyoko did voice her concerns, Ren had just teased her about it all, anyway. She'd gotten over her apprehension about it all a few years ago, and that meant that she could just stay in Ren's apartment and stretch lazily against him, all warm and drowsy and not-quite ready to face the day.
Ren's nose twitched, he sneezed and farted and rolled over away from Kyoko, stealing the sheets. So stifling a laugh Kyoko headed to the shower. There was certainly no romance in their lives, no sir! That fairytale romance that Ren's fans idealised – that Kyoko herself once had – didn't have any space inside for real human nature or biology.
And Ren was far from a chivalrous knight at the best of times. So Kyoko felt no guilt whatsoever when she flopped back down onto the mattress after her shower, letting cooling droplets of water fall onto Ren's face.
When that didn't wake him up, Kyoko simply tugged at the sheets he had clenched to his chest and gave him a little shove, unbalancing him just enough so that if he didn't wake up, he'd fall off the bed.
Ren seemed to have this inbuilt grace; something in him would detect imminent unbalancing and wake him up. That day was no different. Ren braced himself against the headboard, rolled back onto the bed properly, and blearily stared up at Kyoko.
"Muhahhhh?" Ren wasn't always the most articulate of people, first thing.
"Birthday breakfast, doofus! You're taking me out."
Ren sat up beside her, frowning. "I thought that L.M.E. had that party for you last night?"
Kyoko let a slow breath out. "You know, Ren, oh fixture of my life, if I was in this relationship for love, you'd be dealing with a very cranky woman right now."
"No kidding? Good thing you're not, then, and I get to sleep in on my weekend off."
Kyoko watched him re-assemble their bedcovers around himself. "Really? Pah."
Ren snorted into his pillow. "Pah nothing, Kyoko. You always have breakfast at the Darumaya, don't you?"
"They've gone on a holiday to Hawaii, believe it or not. And even if I was going, you'd be dropping me off."
Kyoko stared at Ren's unresponsive lumpy shape on the bed.
"...right?"
He didn't move, so Kyoko poked her tongue out at him and headed into the kitchen to get something to eat. With a hand on the fridge door, she called back over her shoulder. "If you loved me, you'd be taking me out for breakfast!"
"If you didn't love me, you wouldn't be so desperate!" he called back.
Kyoko couldn't keep the silly grin off her face. She loved this, whatever it was, between them. There had been a few awkward false starts, when she'd been dead-set on curing Ren of love and he'd been caught up in that romance and seduction bullcrap. But now they had balance, and had settled into a comfortable pattern of teasing and taking-the-piss that left a warm feeling in Kyoko's stomach. It was real and solid and honest and so much better than love that she really couldn't imagine ever having settled for those fake plastic love-dreams she'd had about Sho.
Then she opened the fridge and instead of leftovers and some vegetables, she saw a very carefully laid-out tray. An eclectic mix of food, to be sure, but they were all dishes that Kyoko could remember ordering or making at special times during the last few years. Onigiri like the ones Yashiro had brought to the set when they'd been in their first "starring opposite" roles on a big film. They'd eaten them together, sitting on a concrete barrier and looking out at the greyish dirty ocean that was their churning backdrop for several scenes, laughing about how the rest of the crew probably thought they were sharing intimate whispers together. They'd only been together for about six months at the time.
There was an Italian-style salad, looking just like the one from their first interview as an official couple, complete with pre-packaged plastic tasteless dressing. One of the oddly textured biscuits that Ren's parents had sent over, on one of the leftover odd-ends of crockery that the Darumaya kept giving to them when they visited. A cold bowl of rice-porridge, with tidy instructions for re-heating.
Kyoko shook her head as she carried the tray over and dutifully followed the instructions beside the pudding.
Ren had, of course, been faking his sleepiness. He got something else out of the fridge and settled himself down in the lounge chair in front of his low table, dropping a light kiss on Kyoko's shoulder as he went past.
"I do know how to use a microwave, you know!"
"I know."
She braced the tray on her hip as she waited the last thirty seconds for the porridge. "What are you eating, anyway?"
There was a long silence before the response came. Kyoko could barely hear it over the beep of the microwave.
"... wine jelly."
She twisted her mouth as she sat down and surveyed her breakfast, which didn't look anywhere near as appealing as the individual dishes had in the past. Kyoko settled for the onigiri, which seemed as good a place as any to start. "Ren? You do know that you are a complete and utter sap."
He smiled at her, his lips catching around the edges of his spoon. "Well it is our anniversary, dearest, and we have a very big TV spot later today..."
"Oh crap." Kyoko grimaced and wished he hadn't reminded her about that. "Yashiro will kill me if I bail, but it's my Birthday, you know? If I'd known this was going to happen, I'd have put off agreeing to all of this for a month or so. I mean... hell, I started going out with you to avoid awkward questions about romance, not invite them!"
Kyoko stretched her feet out, to feel the carpet squishing against her toes. "And stop rolling your eyes at me, Ren! It's not that I don't know how to spout lovey-dovey meaningless fluff. I just wish that I didn't have to do it today, is all."
As soon as she'd said that, she regretted it. The lightness and happiness was still there a little, but she could see that tell-tale hint of sadness and regret. It wasn't that she would ever take back their years together – Ren was her closest friend, and a very considerate lover – but she did worry about him sometimes. He'd been in love with her. So much more than she'd ever been in love with Sho, because Ren seemed to see Kyoko for who she really was. And he had her, in a sense. But she'd never be able to love him back, and when she tried to talk to Ren Tsuruga (best friend) about her feelings she ended up hurting Ren Tsuruga (heartsick idiot boyfriend).
Knowing she'd feel heavy and gross all day, Kyoko gritted her teeth and focused on forcing every last blobby reheated glop of rice-porridge down her throat. She chewed sternly on her lettuce, and shifted to sit closer beside him until their phones rang with the reminder messages that started their day.
Kyoko caught the train to L.M.E. while Ren and Yashiro went off somewhere, she had no idea where, but she was busy enough to not care. She had some scripts to skim over, and then a very serious discussion with her daily planner over which auditions and casting calls she could answer. She was meeting Maria for lunch, and had to put the finishing touches on a special outfit for a doll for that. She had to check up on Love-Me's activities; she'd gone from being a member to being more or less the mother hen for a bunch of new girls. She had to...
"Ahh, it's Kyoko!" A suited man made his way across the train to her.
She'd missed the morning squeeze, thank goodness, by sleeping in. But there were always stragglers. She put a smile on her face and turned to greet him politely. It wouldn't hurt, and she was only one stop away from her platform anyway.
"Good morning."
"Good morning! Or, should I say, Happy Birthday! Fancy seeing someone like you on public transport!"
Kyoko shook her head. "Oh no, I like catching the train. After all, I think an actor who lives in isolation really isn't doing themselves any favours. You have to live life to know how it feels, after all."
The man nodded emphatically, smiling. "Of course, you're such a great actress, so dedicated to your craft!"
The train was slowing, Kyoko could see the platform coming. It wasn't that she didn't like the guy, just that she really had far too much to do already. Not that her smile wavered once; her attitude towards customer satisfaction was second to none.
"I'm so surprised that I ran into someone who knew it was my birthday this early in the day! You must be a real fan! Thank you."
The man blushed slightly, and rubbed the back of his neck in that awkward way that older men seemed to think was endearing or something. "Oh, no, not at all. It's been a pleasure to meet you."
Kyoko inclined her head. "Likewise. Oh, and I'm not sure if it's been announced yet, but check out the L.M.E Christmas special tonight. Ren and I will appear live for an interview, then."
The man nodded emphatically and reassured Kyoko that he would until she made a polite farewell and disembarked. She was glad it had been a male fan, and a not too-pushy one at that. Some of the women could get quite invasive, and some of the men could get quite... ahem, untoward. Having fans in and of itself was a bit confronting. It was a sign of success, to be sure, but it made Kyoko feel guilty and sick inside to think that even just one of the people writing her letters might feel about her the same way she once felt about Sho.
It felt like human culture and society gone wrong. She'd made sure to protect that feeling inside herself, to not let herself get too isolated and big-headed like Sho had, or like some of the other actors and actresses she'd run across. It seemed like such an awful, hateful type of person to become.
She must have looked a little shell-shocked when she arrived at L.M.E., because when she ran into Kanae in the hallway, she found her arms being held gently and her legs being guided into a nearby tea-room.
"Kyoko! You should take better care of yourself, you idiot! What on earth happened? Don't tell me that a big star like yourself is too delicate for a train-ride."
"Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no. I was just thinking, that's all."
"Oh, right." Kanae patted her shoulder and gave her a knowing wink. "Did you have to cut your special time with Ren short this morning? Or worse, did he ask you to participate in some sort of kinky play? Were there toys?"
"What? Oh, ew, no. Moko, that's disgusting!"
"Aha, so you are alive. You didn't seem like yourself when you came in. I must have followed you halfway up that corridor, before I gave up calling your name and just grabbed you."
"Really? Huh. I can't even remember what I was thinking about now."
Kanae gave Kyoko a very careful look. "Anyway, are you doing anything today that's time sensitive? The Love-Me girls have been bugging me about stuff all morning, and I am not being paid to babysit teen talent."
Though Kanae always put on that cold and bored face, Kyoko knew the real truth. "You're just grumpy because you can't hold back your caring family instinct."
"Shows how much you know." Kanae scowled and waited with her arms crossed. She was between Kyoko and the door, and Kyoko found herself more interested in that than in teasing her. For all that she'd grown over the years, Kanae was still very much the same person she always was. A little self-conscious about her home life.
"Moko my dear, did you come looking for me? Did you need me for anything?"
Kanae cast a sidelong look down the hallway. "Nothing really, no..."
"I was just planning on looking through those scripts that were dropped in last week..."
"Ah, really? You should, ah, tell me about them."
Kyoko gave her friend a very careful look. "They do realise that if they make a surprise for me every year, that I'll see it coming?"
"The scripts?" Kanae was a very good actress, but she couldn't seem to be able to keep it in. She laughed softly, and then louder as Kyoko joined her. It took them a few seconds to recover from the hilarity of it all.
"Yeah, the girls asked me to keep you away from that entire floor. And you know how I feel about it all."
"I do?"
"Yeah. It was your eagerness and desperation that started the whole division, so you can damn well suffer whatever they have to throw at you."
Kyoko laughed a little nervously. "Oh come on, it wasn't my idea, you know! And anyway, some of the lessons are pretty important. The skills I learnt in the hospitality industry are very applicable to entertainment."
"Yeah, you've told me. A few times, in fact."
Kyoko stuck her tongue out and leant back against the cupboards. "So when can I go up to be surprised?"
"Whenever I get a message saying they're done. Though it is your birthday. Maybe I should keep you hostage longer while I still can, and nag you about Ren."
Kyoko froze for a second. Kanae hadn't ever given up on trying to push further, or insinuate that there was more between Kyoko and Ren. It made her uncomfortable because Kanae was her friend; she knew the truth about their relationship. Kyoko got enough of the love bullshit from everywhere else, and she didn't like to talk about it with people who should know better.
"Yeah, he's picking me up here later today, and we're doing an early evening interview. Then I guess we'll have dinner together."
"You know that's not what I -"
Kanae's phone rang out loudly and cheerily. Kanae gave Kyoko a look that left no doubt they'd be talking about this all later, as she answered it.
"Yep? Okay, great, yeah." She hung up abruptly and waved magnanimously towards the open doorway. "Your highness, your public awaits!"
Kyoko rolled her eyes but curtsied playfully and made her way upstairs happily enough. She could see, paying enough attention to her surroundings to ignore making eye contact with Kanae, little paper flowers stuck here and there; the girls had brightened up even the corridors she'd be walking down during her working day. It was very sweet of them.
"Down here, they're using their room for it."
When they were a few paces away from the room, Kyoko raised her voice as loud as she dared. "So why did you want me to come here, Moko? I'm confused..."
Kanae rolled her eyes and mouthed something at Kyoko that was probably along the lines of "you sweet idiot!"
Kyoko swung the door open widely and exhaled so that she could take in an appropriately large gasp of excitement. Before her, the five ragtag aspiring actors and actresses spread their arms wide and exclaimed in bright voices, "Surprise!"
"Oh!" Kyoko couldn't force a blush, but she felt one growing warm on her face anyway. She'd only agreed to be in Love-Me because she'd had no other options at the time, because she was desperate and dedicated. She was probably getting way more recognition for the whole thing than she deserved. "Oh wow, you guys! This is just great!"
"You're welcome, by the way." Kanae's voice came from behind her, flat and dry.
Kyoko looked around the room, seeing the fantasy and fairy-tale theme to the decorations. Her daydreams weren't a huge secret, but she could imagine Kanae shepherding the kids into setting up the decorations right. No, not right, it was all...
"It's perfect. It's a credit to all the members of Love-Me," Kyoko turned to grin at Kanae, "past and present!"
In the end, she didn't get any scripts read. She spent the entire rest of the morning thanking people and trying to politely decline any more food. She smiled and nodded and offered up her well-rehearsed answers when anyone asked her about her anniversary with Ren. You'd think they were a married royal couple, the way that everyone seemed to have it ingrained in their minds. She just kept smiling, nodding, thanking, and moving on before they could offer her cake.
She had completely forgotten to work on the present for Maria. In the end, she was crouching in the corner of the lift and sewing the tidiest stitches that she could. She luckily only had a few finishing touches to make, and she was shoving her needles and thread into her handbag as the doors opened to reveal a very prettily dressed Maria.
"Hello."
"Hi, Maria, how are you today?" Maria was quite changed from the person she had been when they'd first met. Even from the first birthday party they'd shared together. She'd grown tall and elegant looking. A real fairy princess. She made Kyoko feel a little awkward and spindly short beside her. With Maria's long flowing hair, Kyoko's short cute cut seemed almost like a boyish child's. And she wasn't even sixteen yet, it was all so unfair!
If Maria hadn't become closer to her father, if she'd still had that childhood crush on Ren, then...
It wasn't really worth thinking about. Except that sometimes Kyoko did think about it. What if she was exploiting Ren? What if he'd really been meant for someone else, like in a grand and wonderful fairy-tale? There wasn't just guilt involved, but this greedy jealous clutching ache inside of Kyoko's chest. She wasn't the one who could give Ren a real romantic loving relationship, but she didn't want to lose him to someone who could, either. The thoughts made her feel ugly and bitter and hideous inside.
"Are you okay, Kyoko?"
"Oh? Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I think I'm still a little dazed from all the crowds I've been in these last two days. You held a great party, by the way!"
Maria seemed tickled pink to hear it. "You think so? I just wish that Dad had been able to stay, instead of having to work."
"Ahh, but you get to visit him next week, right?"
Maria nodded, her long hair jostling with the motion. "Indeed I do! He said we'd travel a little, too."
Kyoko put on a sigh and cast her eyes eastwards – or what she thought was east – wistfully. "I had a Dad from America, once. It was a Love-Me assignment."
Maria blinked. "A Dad from America?"
"You know, I had to pander to his needs all week? That big-name star, Kuu...? Ah, I've forgotten it, I think. I had to pretend he was my father for a little bit, and since I'd never had a Dad as such, I really lost something when he went away."
Maria was thinking very hard about it as they walked to a nearby café. "Wait, this was before you started dating Ren?"
"Ahh, yep, sure was." Kyoko was so busy making sure she hadn't creased the clothing in her rush to hide it from sight that she very nearly missed the odd look Maria was giving her.
"I remember Grandpa saying something about Ren's..."
"Ren? Oh, no it was nothing to do with Ren. Seriously, what is it with people today?"
Kyoko felt a bit depressed that Maria hadn't laughed at her silly joke, but there was a waitress and the ordering of drinks and food, and by then it really was time to hand over the present before it was at risk of becoming soiled by their lunch.
"I'm so sorry it wasn't done in time to give to you last night, and it's not wrapped properly, but, well, here..." Kyoko pulled it out and spread the fabric neatly out on the table. The year before she'd given Maria a doll based on a photograph of her mother, something delicate and commemorative now that those old wounds were healing. It had been a bit of a risk, but Maria had loved it. So what else could Kyoko do but make something even better this time? She'd spend months sourcing fabric that was the right colour and texture and then cutting the small pieces.
She'd found a jeweller to make the accessories properly, and worked on all the details so carefully that Ren had joked she'd be needing thick geekish glasses before she was thirty. What an awful thing to have said! But in the end it was perfect; a replica of the rich and elaborate wedding dress that Maria's mother had worn.
"It was probably a bit presumptuous of me, but I just loved it so much in the photographs I used as a reference for last year that I just had to make it."
Maria looked a little teary-eyed as she gazed down at it. She brushed her fingertips against the fine material, and Kyoko felt pride in her workmanship swell in her chest.
"Oh Kyoko, it's incredible, so beautiful!"
Kyoko nodded. "I thought you'd understand! Moko said it'd just be creepy, but what does she know!"
Kyoko got a wordless hug across the table for her efforts, Maria's light young arms surprisingly strong around her neck. Kyoko began forgetting herself, enjoying herself, and the time just rushed past. She lingered over coffee with Maria, and absent-mindedly skimmed her scripts until sometime in the afternoon when her phone rang and her blood turned cold.
She felt a shiver down her spine. She'd almost forgotten that it wasn't just her birthday, but something far more sinister. It was her special Christmas film release and romantic anniversary. She didn't need to look at her phone to know that it was Ren, pulling up outside L.M.E. to pick her up for their interview.
They'd said their greetings when she'd got into the car, but when they were in the elevator heading up to the studio, Ren leant down to press a kiss into her cheek. That in itself wasn't unusual, but the way that he lingered there until the doors opened again was. They logged in at the desk, followed the man that was sent to direct them to their prep room, and were put through the usual. They got wired up, dressed up, made-up, and left to their own devices for a few minutes. Years of practice meant that it was all routine. Once the door had shut behind the last crewmember, Kyoko took a deep breath in and turned to Ren. He looked... tired.
"Are you alright? What on earth did Yashiro have organised for you today?"
Ren gave her an inscrutable look, and Kyoko found herself staring into his eyes, wishing that somehow she'd be able to magically understand what he was thinking.
"Just normal things. Interviews, a meeting with the producers for that new show. And I'm fine, I just..." Ren shook his head and wrapped his tall frame around hers, one arm holding her head against his chest.
It wasn't strange, Ren held her all the time, and spontaneously. But Ren's strange mood was a little catching. Kyoko found herself leaning closer into his embrace.
"You just...?"
He shook his head. "Nothing, just thinking."
Kyoko smiled a little though Ren couldn't see it. "I've been doing that today. I blame your strange, strange breakfast."
They stayed quiet and just together for a few seconds. It was Kyoko who broke the moment, remembering that they were about to be called onstage. "So, is there any agenda or setup for tonight? Anything we have to mention or do?"
Every now and then Yashiro liked them to mimic some lines or body language from their films and TV appearances, subtle cross-promotion. Adherence to the more popular standards in language and dress and behaviour did improve their market saturation. Helped to hook in more audience.
"What?" Ren sounded genuinely surprised, though it was a normal enough question. "No, nothing. I was thinking maybe we should just go for honesty."
Kyoko was a little confused by that. "You mean, no real things, but just the basic flirty romance?"
Ren pulled back with a pained smile, and shook his head. "Any. All of it. Don't put on an act, alright? Just be honest. You hate the idea of love, so why don't you help other girls by showing that you can have a good and honest relationship without it?"
Kyoko's eyebrows furrowed and she felt the heady weightless nerves that she often got before live appearances – but different. She felt like she'd been cut adrift and lost, and the feeling terrified her.
"R-Ren? What do you mean by that?"
"I want you to just tell the truth. I'm worried that this facade is destroying you inside, and I..."
Kyoko had been about to interrupt Ren, to tell him that he was the one that should be being worried about, that she'd never suffered at all from being with him, but they were both interrupted by the door opening and their call to the set.
Kyoko felt shuddery, shaky, downright scared as she checked her mic wires and settled into the interview couch. She couldn't see Ren as he sat behind her, but she could hear and feel his arm settling around the back of their chair. He always smelt of this strange sweat when they were under TV lighting together; like sunscreen and chemical burns and too-new clothing. It wasn't helping her relax at all.
The way that it always did when Kyoko needed time to think and prepare, the countdown was over and the female host of the show was leaning forwards, a warm and presentable smile bobbing up and down with her head as she introduced herself.
Kyoko smiled and nodded back, when one of the woman's slender hands waved in her direction.
"...and we're so pleased to have them both here tonight. Especially given what tonight is. This isn't just a promo for their Christmas romance, but also Kyoko's birthday!"
"Aha, yes. And it's a pleasure to share it with all of you." Kyoko couldn't keep her eyes on the hostess, or even facing towards the cameras. She twisted in Ren's arms and glanced up, trying to see him though of course she couldn't, being so short and in such a stupid pose.
Beside them, the hostess continued her introductory spiel. "But it's something else today, too. You see, five years ago was when their relationship began! I don't know how you manage, with Christmas as well!"
Ren laughed, and Kyoko could feel him shift against her as he moved his free arm. He was probably fiddling with his hair, a nervous gesture he'd developed that really seemed to affect his fangirls. "Well, we're used to being busy. It's not so difficult to spend a day occupied like this. Even working today, because of the threefold event I get to spend the entire day focused on our relationship rather than any of the characters we're appearing as currently."
Kyoko found herself nodding at that. "Exactly. It's this one day in each year that we can relax a little, because all the questions aren't about our characters or the work we're doing, but things that are happening in our personal lives."
The hostess nodded thoughtfully. "Though I imagine it might feel a bit invasive? I know some celebrities of your calibre like to guard their privacy very closely..."
"Oh, not at all! I mean, we don't invite people into our home, for example, but, well..." Kyoko felt herself a little flustered. She was losing momentum, as the nervous high faded and Ren's earlier words came back to the front of her mind. Luckily, Ren seemed to notice.
He re-crossed his legs, using the movement to shift closer against her side. "It's nice to think that instead of this idealised image, for one day a year we get to relax and focus on ourselves as people, not actors. So even if we work all day, or if we're separated by smaller jobs for most of it – like we were today – our relationship is still being publicly recognised and celebrated in a way."
The hostess kept smiling, nodding, and being generally presentable. "So in that way, it's a little like an engagement or a marriage, being recognised by everyone? I know you must get asked this a lot, but have you two ever thought of getting married?"
Kyoko's heart froze. There was no way she'd be able to answer this question honestly and not hurt Ren. She kept her smile pasted on, but worried that her panic would show in her eyes, she tilted her head away from the cameras and into Ren's shoulder. It gave her an uncomfortable twist in her spine, but nobody would be able to see that from the front of the set.
Ren's hand brushed against the inside of her arm, and his answer took her entirely by surprise. "Aha, no. Well yes, we have thought about it. But we don't really think it's necessary. Neither of us really have many family obligations, and in the end it really is just a ceremony. I think we've both had enough fake weddings in our line of work that another one seems a little meaningless."
"Oh, my! But what about you, Kyoko! Surely the thought of a romantic and elegant wedding is every woman's dream."
The question came as a bit of a surprise. Hadn't Ren already answered the woman? This was exactly why Kyoko hated these interviews. "Uh, not really, no."
The hostess seemed a little confused, as if she'd been expecting the usual sweet nonsense that most of her guests spouted. That Kyoko herself had come out with in the past, too. To her credit the woman recovered in less than a second and was nodding and smiling as if nothing had happened.
"To have such a trusting and committed relationship, to be beyond worries about marriage or other things like that... you must have had a very romantic and loving beginning?"
Kyoko shifted uneasily, tapping the toe of one shoe against the side of the other. This had the potential to go horribly wrong no matter what she said.
"I don't know if I'd be comfortable using those words. How can I... hmm, it's difficult." Kyoko tilted her head and was very glad to feel Ren's hand sliding down the chair, sitting warm and safe around her waist. He felt less distant than at the start, which helped. It gave her the courage to be honest like he wanted.
Kyoko took a breath and continued. "I didn't have any feelings of romance or infatuation, not like that. But Ren was one of my closest friends, and someone that I felt comfortable around. When people think of reasons to date someone, they think about sexual attraction or romantic infatuation. We started our relationship based on a more personal and emotional attachment."
"Well, you did." Ren's voice was a little strange, echoing through the microphone. Kyoko could feel his chin resting on top of her head. "But I've always been a bit more gullible than you."
Kyoko snorted. "There's an understatement."
The hostess cocked her head curiously. "Gullible?"
"What my dear darling Kyoko means, you see, is that I am a true romantic at heart. She's more of a... hmm..."
Kyoko gave Ren a good-natured jab in the ribs. "I can hear you, you know."
"Well in that case, why don't you help me explain. How do you feel about romance, Kyoko?"
Kyoko could have killed him for that. Really, she could have. She could feel that twist of fury unwinding in her gut. It had faded with age and time, but serious thoughts of romance still brought it back sometimes. She couldn't keep that hateful energy from sneaking into her reply. But really it served Ren right; he was pushing the issue, after their awful conversation in the room backstage. If she came across as a bit rabid, he'd just have to deal with that.
"It's awful! When you think about love, you don't think about the real parts of it. I fight him tooth and nail over who has to clean the bathroom. He nags me about doing too much, and I nag him about that. There are all these conflicts, and then in the middle of it all moments of peace. And we laugh a lot, too."
"At each other." Ren added.
Hearing the warm smile in the edges of his voice just bled all that uneasiness out of Kyoko. She remembered some of the times they'd shared together, and even just the absurd arguments they got into over how to load the dishwasher. And damnit, if Ren hadn't got her feeling all nostalgic and dopey with that one line, she'd have something useful to say. Instead she was just agreeing and smiling and trying to think of something, anything, other than how comfortable life with Ren was.
"Yeah, at each other."
"But to be honest," Kyoko admitted, "this is far more real than any infatuation or love. I've felt those, had that big first crush, and what I have with Ren is different. I could live on after the broken heart I had when I was first dumped by my teenage crush. Even before I was dumped, I could imagine that sense of loss or abandonment. I could imagine breaking up. I honestly can't imagine life without Ren. I feel... like it's impossible, for a world without Ren beside me to be real."
Kyoko felt like something had snapped inside her. Like all the tension had snapped back into place. Nothing was different at all, and everything she had said was completely true, but something had changed inside her at the same time. She'd noticed something about herself, and she couldn't put a finger on it.
"You really are in love with each other, it's so refreshing to see that in a celebrity couple. I'm sure I speak for our entire audience tonight when I say that we've been honoured to have this honest insight into your relationship. Though we're going to have to move on now to a scene from your upcoming film." The hostess rushed through the words, obviously glad to have that segment over and done with.
There was a minute of silence between everyone as the tepid romantic scene played out behind them. It was always odd for Kyoko to see or hear herself like that, especially when Ren was also involved, but for once she hardly noticed it enough to feel uncomfortable. She felt the words echoing round in her head, as her eyes pricked and stung. You really are in love with each other. She wasn't in danger of crying and smudging her makeup – she was too experienced for that – but she knew she would have if she'd been anywhere without cameras.
She clenched her hand tightly around Ren's, and closed her eyes. It wasn't like it was a huge revelation. She'd been carrying the knowledge around inside herself all these years. Her infatuation for Sho hadn't been love. It hadn't been anywhere close. Love had just been a childish label she'd used first to justify her stupid behaviour and then to protect herself from it.
The promo clip was over. They said polite farewells to the hostess and the audience, and then made their way offstage and stripped off their borrowed clothes and wires and were suddenly just there, in the cold concrete back-rooms of the studio, together.
"You knew, didn't you?" She asked finally as they made their way into the carpark and to Ren's car. Kyoko had been holding on tight to his hand, and they paused to pull apart before they went to their respective doors.
"I hoped." Ren said finally, his hair falling forwards to just barely hide his eyes from her line of sight. "I wanted it so much that I was worried I'd tricked myself into thinking it was real, so I only let myself hope."
Kyoko sighed, feeling exhuasted after the day she'd had. "You," she said decisively, "are an idiot. And I am an idiot. We are..."
"Idiots?"
Kyoko sunk into her chair and slumped so that she could hardly see out through the window. "That too."
Ren seemed to understand the mood she was in. He'd always been wonderful like that, so attuned to her. She'd been taking it all for granted, for so very long. Even her own heart. She'd been assuming she was immune to love, that she'd never stopped to think about what love itself really was.
"Should we go to dinner?"
"Hmn? No, can we just go home?"
"Of course."
Kyoko felt shaken by it all all the way into the parking spot and up to their floor; through the living room and bedroom door. She only felt on solid ground again when she'd grabbed Ren by the hand, and pulled him into bed beside her. Lights off, with the sheets pulled over their heads and the whole world shut out, she found it easier to fight against her years of practice and paranoia.
"I've never done this before, so, um, sorry if it sucks."
Ren laughed gently. She couldn't see much of his eyes, but what she could see looked more relaxed and happy than she'd seen in a while on him. "If what...?"
"Shh." She waggled a finger at him, then realised that neither of them could see it. So she put her hands on either side of his face and gathered up all her courage.
"I love you."
Once she'd said it, it wasn't really a big thing at all. In fact, it was really way simpler than she'd expected. Which entirely made sense. She hadn't just fallen in love with Ren in the last few hours, she'd probably been head over heels for years and just not noticed it due to human error and misconceptions about classifications and emotions.
Even so, the gravity and importance of the moment seemed to have escaped Ren. "... and that's it? You know people usually kiss or, well," he ran a finger down her arm in a way that she'd forbidden outside the bedroom, "other things."
Kyoko poked him sternly in the chest. "I've done all sorts of other things before with you, you know! This is a first-time love confession! I'm validating our entire relationship here, you could be a bit more chivalrous."
He snorted, and she could feel his breath on her cheek. She pressed on, though she couldn't hold herself back from giggling too. "You're a romantic male lead! You've had years of experience of this sort of situation, and you..."
Ren's finger on her lips stopped her right there. "You're wrong," he said, shifting closer to press a warm dry kiss to her forehead, "I've never been in this situation before. Not once."
"Oh." Kyoko supposed he did have a point there, all things considered. She would have said as much, but by then words had really become superfluous to, well, other things.
Kyoko stretched lazily in bed, her arms and legs brushing up against Ren's. He mumbled in his sleep and curled into the covers tighter. She wasn't really ready to get up quite yet, so she wrapped her legs and arms around him and made herself comfortable.
Love was pretty stupid, all things considered. It made absolutely no sense, and was a complete pain in the arse. It was selfish and ugly and often completely oblivious even to itself. But that was just what people were like, really, and in the end Kyoko wouldn't have it any other way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)