Adolescence

Chapter 8

She lay beneath me, her hair in disarray as I straddled her, one leg on each side of her, same with my arms so she had no route of escape, yet somehow I didn't believe she wanted to escape. So many thoughts and ideas rushed through my brain, as my heart pumped at an unbelievable speed. This is what I wanted. Still she looked shocked, staring up into my face, her eyes wide with wonder. I was breathing heavily filled with lust as she lay helplessly below me. I could do what I wanted whether she liked it or not. Yet unlike before I didn't move again. I stared down at her, a mixture of guilt and anguish within me. I wanted this so badly yet I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her. Just do it, even if she doesn't like it, she'll get over it one side of my brain ordered me harshly. Yet another voice told me not to...if you do this you'll lose her forever it said, that was an unbearable thought, but these urges...they were unbearable as well, what was I supposed to do?

We stared mutually in to one another's eyes, do you want this? I asked silently, searching her hazy eyes for a response. Yes I suppose I do, that's what I felt she was telling me. All of the lights were off, it was the perfect opportunity, the dark would surely conceal my evil desires, still being together was still an excuse to turn off the light...I wanted to hide what we were doing, I didn't want our parents to find out because I knew it was wrong, but it was consuming me, and my fears were beginning to dissolve into nothing as I leaned my face closer to hers. I stared down at her delicate dress, the frills that barely covered her chest. Why couldn't I stop staring at her chest? I reached out a trembling hand and pulled at the bow behind her neck, the halter neck keeping her dress from falling off. She lay in silence allowing me to do this. The strings lay around her neck, allowing me access to her now. She moved one hand to move the strings out of the way, almost like she was giving me permission to go further.

I was sweating like never before, and I hadn't even done anything yet, she pulled my tie away from my neck, flinging it to the floor, seemingly more eager than I was. I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, so she took over undoing them carefully; it was torture how long this was taking! I grabbed her thigh in frustration, making her squeal with surprise.

"I told you, you had nice legs" I whispered hoarsely, her response was a simple 'Mmm', it seemed she was too anxious to speak properly, she breathed heavily as she finished unbuttoning my shirt, I was still stroking her leg. She was blushing feverishly. I could feel myself frowning down at her in frustration, so many different thoughts flung around in my head. She lifted her small hand to my cheek, caressing it lovingly. She mouthed the words do it silently at me, and I was ready to when I noticed a picture of us beside her bed, when we were small children, and I remembered oh, that's right...we're twins, did I really want this that much. Yes! No! I was filled with so many different emotions. I lifted her off of the bed and cradled her in my arms. I whispered to her

"I don't know if I can do this" She didn't reply, she simply stroked my back in reply, willing me to continue. It felt like hours we were there, as if time had stopped for us as I embraced her. "You're sweating" I whispered softly.

"So are you" She gasped. I could feel her heartbeat moving with mine as I hugged her, she was so tired, she was literally falling asleep in my arms. I lay her down on the bed once more, it was final decision time. I still longed for her, but as I saw her dozing silently, innocently I couldn't do it. I stroked her hair softly waiting until I believed she was asleep. There was one thing I wanted if I couldn't bring myself to go any further. I lowered my face to hers, feeling her warm breath against my cheek, I pressed my lips against hers softly, relishing in the moment.

I pulled away contemplating things, I remembered how she'd always called me her knight, I sad smile played on my lips as I thought to myself, I won't take things any further than this, I'll protect you, even from me, as if I really were your knight. I got to my feet, taking the key from my pocket at forcing it into the lock; I left the room as quickly as time would allow me, closing the door behind me and sliding down so that I was leaning against it. I touched my lips gently as if they were made of some precious material. I'd kissed her. It was better than nothing.

I didn't think I would ever look at Rin as 'just my sister' ever again, though I silently promised I wouldn't go any further with her to spare her. I shut my eyes, wondering what my parents would do to me if they discovered what I'd done, and almost done. I saw Rin in my minds eye, sitting up, touching her lips the same as I, almost in disbelief, and I knew that this wasn't my imagination; we were connected together, telepathically, because we were twins...

"Good night my princess" I whispered softly once more, and in a daze of love I stumbled back to my own room.