Adolescence

Chapter 3

There was a man dancing with me, as there always was. He kept telling me he loved me and kissing my head. I kept replying that I loved him too. I knew this man well; he was my prince charming, strong and handsome, and so kind. He kept telling me that when the dance stopped he'd kiss me. I'd always wanted a man to kiss me. It was supposed to feel amazing. Yet the dance would go on and on, and I became impatient, forcing him to stop. I stood on my toes so I could reach his lips; his blond hair was in the way of his face. I pouted, brushing it away. I couldn't make out what he looked like; his face was always in shadow. Then my lips brushed against his...but I didn't feel anything. No this wasn't right! It was meant to make me melt in his arms! Why wasn't his kiss making me melt? I tried again, and again and-

I was being squeezed tightly. My eyelids fluttered as I began to wake up. It was Len; he was pulling me closer to him. I could hear voices as I started to register what was going on. Intruders? I hid on Len's chest, his heart pounding just as mine was.

"I do wish he would button his shirt up more, he has no modesty I swear!" Our mother's voice. I relaxed a little upon realising it was them. I wondered if Len knew. I assumed not since he was so nervous. Oh, could it be because they were talking about him? That made sense. I felt sorry for Len; our mother had a tendency to be harsh on him. Especially when I was involved. I let my eyelashes tickle his chest; I wanted him to know that I was awake, that I would support him no matter what our mother said. I discreetly moved my hand to his beneath the covers, intertwining my fingers with him and squeezing his hand. He squeezed back as if to thank me.

"It's too warm; the boy isn't causing any harm dear." Our father retorted. He was ever defending Len from our harsh mother. I hated to admit it but I loved my father more than my mother. He was far more understanding of both Len and myself. Our mother was ruthless.

"He wouldn't be too warm if he had his own bed instead of sharing with his sister." I felt Len's body tense against mine as our mother said this. I gently stroked his hand, attempting to calm him down. Surely our mother knew we could still be awake! It's almost as if she enjoyed winding Len up!

"They're twins I don't see the harm in them sharing." My father replied. I almost nodded in agreement. I didn't understand what was so wrong about Len and me being so close, we were twins, twins were meant to share a close relationship, a special bond! My grip on Len's hand loosened, our father would make sure our mother didn't split us up.

"Look...they're getting to an age where it isn't...right for them to be sharing a bed, it would be different if they were both girls or both boys but...at some point they'll start to notice they're becoming different and become...curious...don't you think?" My mother muttered. I gasped, thankfully not loud enough for anyone to hear. I clung to Len's bare chest. I'd noticed the differences between us...did that make us sleeping together...wrong? I didn't think so; then again my mom told me I did a lot of things that were considered wrong...

"What do you think they're going to do? They're siblings! Even if they aren't the same gender I highly doubt they would do anything, that's just wrong..." I flinched, hearing the anger apparent in our father's voice, thankful of Len's comforting arms. I blushed beneath the covers, what did she expect us to be doing? Len and I did spend a lot of time alone, but we'd never even kissed.

"It isn't like we haven't taught them about...sex...they aren't children anymore, that much is obvious!" My mother deliberately lowered her voice on the word 'sex'. I could feel myself blushing even more; I buried my face in Len's chest. Sex? Len and I had never had sex! We were brother and sister! What a repulsive thought! We'd never even kissed! Yet I remembered earlier...when I'd found him attractive...could that be the beginning? Our mother pressed on," I mean, it isn't like they have any friends they could talk about it with, they spend all of their time together, for all we know they might already have-"

"No! I've raised my son to be a gentleman, and I'll say the same for our daughter, even if they were curious they wouldn't turn to one another for the answers, if it bothered them that much they would start coming out with us to find suitable partners!" Our father's anger flared a little before he calmed down again. I started trembling, why did I feel so guilty all of a sudden? I hadn't done anything, we hadn't done anything! My only crime was loving my brother.

"You're probably right, I am overreacting but still...I feel they should start sleeping in separate beds, can we agree on that much? They're old enough now." I squeezed Len's hand tightly again, why would she even bring this up? I hated our mother! She knew exactly how to make me feel bad about myself, exactly how to make me feel guilty! What had I even done? Our father sighed in frustration, mumbling the dreaded word 'yes', in a desperate attempt to silence our mother for the night.

"We'll discuss it with them tomorrow", I could hear the fatigue in his weary voice as he spoke. I prayed that he was only saying this because he wanted to end the conversation and get to bed. I felt our father's lips against my cheek, I assumed he also kissed Len goodnight. I heard them walking away, the door closing. Then there was silence. An awkward silence...I wondered what Len was thinking...I couldn't stop thinking about what our mother had said, at some point they'll start to notice they're becoming different and become...curious. I'd noticed...I felt so guilty! But what did I have to feel guilty about? I hadn't done anything I hadn't!

"I noticed..." I broke the silence between us, though it was barely audible. I was frightened to admit this, what if he hadn't and thought I was weird? Oh I couldn't bear to lose him!

"So did I, how could we not?" He replied thoughtfully. I felt a little relieved knowing that I wasn't the only one. Even though I knew I-We, hadn't done anything wrong I moved away from the safety of Len's arms, feeling as if I were committing some taboo lying with him. Why did I feel so strange all of a sudden? It was as if something inside of me was beginning to awaken, and I was powerless against it. I stared into Len's eyes as we often did; only this time I was searching. I wanted to find something in his eyes to explain all of this to me, explain what our parents meant, explain why I was suddenly so attracted to him...

"This could be our last night together, we should enjoy one another's company instead of reflecting on what they said, after all, we've never done anything wrong." He frowned as he said this, pulling me close to him again, he was always so protective, my wonderful brother. I was so frightened all of a sudden; the thought of sleeping alone was daunting. I'd never even considered the possibility that one day Len and I would be sleeping in separate beds. I nervously rested my head against his chest once more; worried that doing so would be like committing some crime. I could feel myself becoming more emotional, I didn't want to lose Len! I didn't even realise I was crying until Len flinched. I watched one of my tears rolling down his naked chest. Part of me wanted to do his buttons up now, I felt bad lying on him!

"Okay" It was all I could manage without breaking my voice. He was stroking my hair again, lovingly. A shiver ran up my spine as he did this, wasn't this what lovers did? I didn't move either way, it felt so nice. Before I could dwell on it too much I'd fallen asleep

Again, and I was dancing with my faceless prince...