Adolescence

Chapter 5

Spinning, spinning, around and around. I was leading, our dance ended again. It was around 10pm, our parents were out, and we were doing what we were always doing, dancing. Though the two of us had acted normal today I didn't feel normal. I felt a strange longing I'd never felt before, and it seemed to be growing as time passed. This longing had varied in intensity as the day went on, it would dull and then flare again...especially when I looked back on this morning. I was beginning to understand now as I twirled Rin beneath the bright light of the chandelier, this feeling was something new to me. I now understood a little more what our parents had meant as I held Rin's small frame against me. This feeling that had been building up had something to do with the fact we were aging, I was becoming a man.

I'd been staring at Rin all day, a dazed expression upon my face, and I had worked out that what I longed for was...female company...shall we say. The only female company I had was Rin. I made her nervous when I stared, and though she didn't say it, I knew she didn't like the idea of being alone with me tonight, even though we'd been alone most nights since we were children. Never before had I acted this way, or felt this way, so understandingly I had retrieved a small hammer from one of the large rooms, one where many old weapons were kept. I had instructed her to hit me with this if I were to try and force myself upon her, not that I felt the longing that much...yet.

We had been dancing for hours, and all the while this lust had been growing within me, holding her so close to me, I could feel her heartbeat harmonizing with mine. I took deep breaths, attempting to calm myself down, I didn't like this feeling, it made me act in a way I couldn't explain, and in a way I didn't like. She sighed dreamily as we glided across the newly polished floor, my hand on her waist slipping down absent mindedly. We slowed down and she played with a strand of hair at the nape of my neck. My eye was caught by our reflection in the mirror, I could see myself, I looked awful, my eyes glazed over as they had been all day.

"Len" She whispered so softly a surge of feeling shot through my spine, making me grip her more tightly. I looked down into her blue eyes, her small face made her look adorable.

"Your hand's a little...low on my back" She told me, I blushed, moving it back up to her waist apologising quietly, it was tense as we carried on our dance. I closed my eyes as we twirled around, I felt my way around the dance floor, I could still feel the breeze created by Rin's flowing dress against my trouser leg. I imagined I was dancing with a mystery girl, my lover, and we laughed as we twirled. This was a way I used to ignore the new feelings that seemed to be growing ever stronger. It was working less and less effectively each time I tried it. Rin squeezed my hand.

"Are you alright Len?" She questioned, her voice filled with concern, I loved her. I could picture her again as I had this morning, it was overwhelming me. I pulled her body closer against mine, I kissed her neck gently, causing her to tense, she hadn't been expecting this, then again neither had I, it was if I had left my body, and now watched the scene unfurling below me, powerless against my urges.

"I want you" I whispered hoarsely in her ear, in a voice I didn't recognise as my own. She struggled against me, but my new found power was too strong, and I pushed her up against the oak set of drawers. She slapped at my arms lightly, almost not wanting me to put her down, the same force that had overtaken me this morning was there again.

"Len stop it!" She gasped as I stared at her, my face an emotionless mask, though inside I was doing my best to stop, I wanted to stop! "It's like you're not even you when you're like this!" An unfamiliar face appears, a line I remembered from one of our old songs...what had come next?

"I want you." I repeated, it was barely audible, but she stared at me as if I'd yelled it. With a soft low whisper, yes, that had been the next line. I was breathless again as she struggled against me, my hands clamped tightly around her tiny arms, she screamed, begging me not to do it. My heart was breaking for her on the inside, but I couldn't control my body. She twisted around to see our struggling reflections in the mirror and gasped, I looked up to see the now evil look upon my face, as if a shadow had clouded over my eyes. She spotted the hammer I had left out, snatching it up before I could, I knew this would hurt, but at the same time I knew I deserved it for what I was trying to do. She screamed at me once more to stop, I could hear the voices of what sounded like my parents nearby. Everything was a blur, Rin seized the hammer, striking, not me, but the mirror behind us, she shrieked as she did this, glass scattered, and I heard our parents running towards us, bellowing at me to stop what I was doing, in desperation to protect Rin, I snapped out of the spell, shielding her, kicking the chest of drawers out of the way with a loud 'crash', the remnants of the mirror fell to the floor, the chest toppling over at the force of my kick.

We both trembled as I shielded her, feeling a few small shards of glass bounce off of my back, Rin was safe, her body shielded by mine. I could hear her whispering 'don't let go of me', as our parents furious shouts filled our ears. They yanked at the collar of my shirt roughly, attempting to yank me away from my twin. Their attempts were futile as the shouted abuse at me, words like 'rape' and 'punishment', disappointment, though the first was by far the worst. My head span, Rin stood behind me, and I stood with my limbs spread out in a defensive position in front of her, as if they were the ones who had almost hurt her. I stared at the floor, I was ashamed of myself, and even though Rin rushed to my defence each time they attacked me (verbally), there was no denying what I'd intended to do.

"You are NOT sleeping together ANYMORE" My father growled, seizing my wrist and pulling me away from Rin, who screamed as mother held her back, we kicked and fought to free ourselves of their grasps, but they were resolute, and I was dragged along to a new bedroom, and practically thrown in. My father glared down at me with disgust as I was thrown to the floor.

"I am very disappointed" He spat, before slamming the door behind him. The force reverberated through the entire room, I heard the lock click in the door, informing me that I was not to get out of here until they saw fit. I supposed it was fair but it didn't stop the pain. After a while I lay in bed crying angry tears, why had I done that? I hit the pillow fiercely with my fist, crying as if I were in pain, I wondered if Rin was crying as well. It was an unpleasant night, as absurd as it was, I was scared of the dark and being alone, and my bitter tears only made the silence seem more frightening. I deserved such a punishment, but Rin did not.