Difference

Chapter 6
Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning.

Drowning in an endless ocean somewhere far away.

A bottomless ocean….the surface is too far away.

I can't breathe.

It's too painful to breathe. I'll die soon. Die.

I feel like I'm drowning

Drowning in a bottomless ocean filled with words.

Words. I can't read them. It's too painful to breathe. I'm beginning to lose myself.

Someone please save me!

I want to scream it out. I force my trembling lips open to cry out for help, but no words come out.

I lose my breath and I lose my consciousness.

No one will save me.

It used to be a nightmare. A terrible nightmare.

No one will save me, no one will save me.

It's reality.

I know that now. It's the painful reality.

I'm scared. I'm really scared.

If she drowned, someone would save her right away.

No one will save me.

I can't even save myself.

I hate this.

I feel pathetic.

I am pathetic.

No wonder.

No wonder?

No wonder they compare me to her.

That girl.

Sometimes I could see her in the water with me. Involuntarily, I'd reach out my hand to her.

Foolish.

That was foolish.

Sometimes she'd have a knife or a pair of scissors in her hands, and sometimes she'd pierce it straight into my heart.

It's reality.

I'm scared. I'm scared.

"Who are you?"

The voice echoes over and over inside my brain, tearing at it bit by bit.

"You're not her."

"You're not her!"

I start to wonder when I'll finally lose it.

Or have I already?

She pretends.

She fakes.

She pretends to be a good person, a good sister to me in front of the eyes of strangers and even those close to us.

Or her rather.

I'm not a bad person. I know I'm not an evil person. I know I'm not bad.

I'm not a good person. I'm far from a good person. I know that.

She's a bad person. She's an evil person.

I hate her.

I hate her.

Why do I have to suffer so much while she can do everything with ease!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

What am I doing?

I sit alone.

Alone in that room that I thought was mine.

Alone. Alone. Forever.

In this dark world.

And my hands.

These horrible hands these hands that look like hers but are in fact not hers, they're tainted.

In that disgusting red color.

This is weird.

Weird.

Really weird.

Why am I doing this?

I won't.

I can't.

I'm not bad.

I'm not bad.

I'm not bad.

Why am I holding this?

It's because,

What is the real reason?

Must it be explained?

I don't care if they hate me anymore.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I hate her.

I hate her.

I hate her.

I must kill her.