Give Up

I was always considered strong.

I held back tears at age 2 when my knee was gushing blood, after pathetically kneeling on senbons to win a bet.

I ignored insults hurled at me.

I was determined.

I was strong.

Brave.

Fearless.

But I can only take so much.

Deep down I was scared.

Terrified.

It started with my parents. They were always so happy, I couldn't figure out why. So I asked. (1)

"Mom, Dad, why are you always so happy?"

They froze before hurling dishes at the wall, and screaming at me, "WE DO THIS FOR YOU! DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK WE LOVE YOU? YOU KILLED MY SISTER!"

Killed my sister.

I was adopted.

And my foster parents left me soon after that. They disappeared to the Land of Waves, as Tsunade-sama had told me. So that was it. I was alone again.

And having the burden of killing my real parents.

Everything I do is wrong.

Such as on missions.

I was positive that Gai had told me to fight the genjetsu user.

So I did, and I ended up getting caught in one.

It had cost us the mission.

Gai had yelled at me.

It was a damn mistake.

But he was positive I did it on purpose.

I can't do anything right.

I was so damn sure of my aim.

So to prove Gai and Lee wrong, I had Neji sit under the target, as usual.

I've done it a million times.

He trusted me.

I trusted my aim.

As usual, I closed my eyes, and prepared to throw the newly sharpened kunai.

I could still hit the target dead center.

But I tripped on a rock.

It seemed to go in slow motion; my eyes snapped open, as I stared at the kunai heading straight towards Neji, who had his eyes closed in meditation.

I remember blood, and my own screaming echo in the forest.

I had let my pride take over, and harmed my teammate in the process.

It wasn't fatal, but it had caused some damage. The kunai's sharp tip had embedded itself in one of the arteries, and since I had used more force than usual, and because of that trip, it literally went through the artery. Luckily though it hit his shoulder.

The best medics had worked on it.

After hours, he came out, alive and well. I was so relieved; I couldn't bear to take the burden of killing another person.

I cried for days by his bedside, tending to his every needs, doing everything for him, keeping him company.

I was so frustrated with myself.

I was so frustrated with myself, that I missed it all through my blurry eyes.

I couldn't see that he loved me.

The gentle smile he only gave me, and the encouragement he whispered to me. The love in his eyes, and his protective-ness, his forgive-ness.

I missed it all. I only loved him as a friend, or so I thought.

Then when we were 12, exactly 2 years after that incident, he kissed me.

I wasn't expecting it. I pushed him away roughly, and ran home, tears blurring my vision.

I completely ignored his hurt look, which still stabs my heart today.

I had killed my parents.

And broken Hyuuga Neji's heart.

What a monster I am.

The next two years were awkward.

Avoiding each other.

For the first year, he was still gentle towards me, while I was so rough.

The second year, he seemed to have given up, and fought back at me with the equal force. He seemed to know I had no romantic interest in him.

I ended up in the hospital multiple times. Mostly from his Jyuuken.

Even though he fought back at me with the same force, he still had that gentle-ness towards me when he fought me. As if he thought I was fragile, and could break if he fought at me with his real strength.

Which only enraged me more.

It continued like that.

When I turned 14, I realized I loved him.

I ran to the training grounds, and launched myself on him gleefully.

He pushed me off, as I had pushed him away.

"Tenten, I've moved on."

Tenten, I've moved on.

That still echoes through my head today.

Heartbroken.

So here I am, age 15.

I still love him.

But he's moved on.

I glanced at the picture of him in my hands, before breaking into sobs and slumping down against the wall.

I give up.

All the hurt from 15 years has finally caught on.

Everything I do is wrong.

I give up.

I finally give up.