Re Birthday

Chapter 10

I whispered her name silently wishing for a response, as I anticipated she didn't reply. Her eyes had lost their shine, and the final tears she had shed were rapidly drying against her cheek. A deep sob came from within me; I held her limp body against my chest, cradling her head as I cried. Slipping my hand into hers once more, I rocked her gently as if she could still feel me, I kissed her cheeks repeatedly. Her head lolled to one side and I buried my face in her neck, I wrenched the dagger from her, with a sickening slicing sound it came out. I hurled it across the room furiously; I let out a cry of misery as it clattered to the floor before turning back to Miku's body. I wasn't sure how long I was down there for, but I cried the whole time, I couldn't stop the tears now, I cried even when my eyes stung and ached from it, I cried even as my aching chest begged me to stop. I could feel my legs going numb as I had been crouch on the floor with her for so long, but I didn't care, I kept sobbing. I could feel her body cooling now despite the warmth of mine against it, and this made me grieve more.

I calmed myself a little, enough to look down at her cold body, I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as I stared down at her, she looked like a princess. An absurd thought struck me, princesses could be awoken by a kiss, and right now she looked so much like a sleeping princess, her green hair tousled into charming little curls around her pale face, her lips still pink as if she really were only sleeping. Her long eyelashes curled making her look feminine and beautiful. I gently kissed her lips as I had before, feeling a slight warmth to them still, they were so soft. This time there was no response, and as I pulled away I felt my heart breaking again, I collapsed into tears cradling her once more, I wailed as an injured animal might, a cry that didn't sound human.

I presumed it had been hours, as I could clearly see my fingers turning blue from the cold, I shivered as I protected her body from unknown danger. The tears had still not stopped, even as I grew colder and colder myself. I hoped I'd die down there, I longed for death to take me, to punish me in the worst possible ways it could. I hoped the cold would kill me, slowly, taking over my body, taking it's time to shut down my organs so that I suffered as Miku had. I felt I deserved to die now, yet I wasn't even sure if death was cruel enough, perhaps I would stay down here, and force myself to watch her body decompose, to teach me a lesson I desperately needed to learn. I would've done it as well, only as I cried I felt a warm hand against my cool shoulder, for one blissful second, I believed that it was Miku, somehow returned from the dead. My pitiful crying stopped temporarily as I turned, a hopeful smile on my face, only to see my sister standing behind me.

My heart seemed to crack in two as hope faded and the tears began once more, I screamed in pain and cried on Miku once more. Rin kneeled beside me, gathering my trembling body in her arms and letting me sob on her chest. She stroked my hair softly, humming an old lullaby to me, kissing the top of my head like a child. It was only now I realised how much like a child I still was. We stayed like this for a long while, yet my tears still didn't stop. Eventually she sighed and pulled away from me, standing.

"Len...you have been down here for five hours, please come back up" She pleaded softly with me, tugging at my arm; I yanked my arm away from her shaking my head. She didn't understand how I felt. No one did. I clung to Miku for dear life, I wouldn't let anyone take her from me, even when she started to decay, I'd never let her go.

"No!...no...I deserve to live down here...I want to die Rin...I deserve this...I WANT TO DIE!" I screamed at her, I was so cold, my body ached with exhaustion, begging me to let Miku go, I hated myself for thinking this way, and slapped myself across the face. Rin gasped as I repeated this motion again and again, she took hold of my wrist, stopping me from doing this again.

"Len! I know you are in pain but...there is no need to take it out on yourself!" She declared, clearly distressed by my disturbing behaviour. I attempted to pull my hand from her grasp, but was so weak I couldn't manage it so I instead continued to sob helplessly. The glint from the bloodied dagger caught my eye, I lunged for it, Rin screamed at me to stop, but I wanted to end it, I wanted to be with her. As I went to plunge it into my body she struck the back of my head, making me lose focus and drop the knife. As I was dazed, she used this opportunity to retrieve the dagger from the floor, and hide it behind her back. I hadn't the energy to chase her for it.

"Look, I...I really am sorry I made you do this but you are the only family I have left, no one else cares! Please please stay with me, if you die, I don't know what I will do!" She fell to her knees beside me, she was also crying now, clinging to my arm, begging me not to leave her alone in the world. She appeared so helpless and childlike. Finally I came to my senses and threw my arms around her apologetically, I couldn't leave Rin alone, she needed me.

"I'll never leave you Rin, I love you too much" I told her truthfully, wiping the tears away from her large blue eyes with my index finger. "Even when I'm away I'll always be here with you in spirit" I promised her, clutching her hand in mine. I smiled weakly at her, attempting to reassure her.

"But I want you here with me not in spirit I don't want you to die!" She wailed, I could tell from her tone that she was frightened, so I pulled the dagger away from her, and I flung it away from us once more. The tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I embraced her, thought they were silent now, I didn't sob. She absently played with my ponytail; it seemed to relax her so I made no attempt to stop her. I was thinking to myself, it would be selfish to simply leave Miku's body in this vile place to rot, so I would do the proper thing and bury her. I pulled myself away from Rin and looked at her seriously.

"I'm not going to leave you but there's something that I need to do, and you have to let me do it" I felt a little uneasy ordering Rin to do something when it was usually the other way round. She looked at me curiously, tilting her head to one side as I often did. She gestured for me to continue. "I want to bury Miku, I loved her Rin I really did and I'm going to do this whether you agree with me or not" I blushed, expecting a tantrum, yet to my surprise she just nodded.

"Okay, but promise me you will return afterwards" She gave me a pleading look. I smiled and nodded, promising her I would. I removed the my cloak and put it on Miku to disguise the fact I was carrying a dead body. I felt for Kaito I really did, and part of me wanted to take Miku to the blue kingdom where I knew she'd have a proper burial, however after his previous threat I knew there was no way I could set foot in the blue kingdom without being murdered. So instead I decided to leave her somewhere I knew he would find her. I knew of a place near the blue kingdom, it was beautiful with tall trees and a lovely stream, the kind of place you would only find in books. I had heard that the prince often went there to think, so I decided this would be the best place for her, beautiful just like she was. The journey there was tricky, especially since I had to carry her, but eventually I got there.

I lovingly lay her down on the fresh green grass, splaying her hair around her just like a real princess. I sighed, she looked so peaceful as if she were asleep, not wanting to roam to far away from her I moved only a little way away from her to pick some flowers. This took more time than anticipated as I kept checking back to make sure that she was still where I had left her, and of course she was. When I finally had enough flowers I arranged them carefully around her body, placing them in her hair and over her body, gently folding her arms on her chest, placing a small bouquet in her cold hands. She looked like snow white as I stared down at her, I hadn't wanted to alarm Kaito with her, so instead I'd attempted to make her look peaceful and beautiful just as she had been in life, I wanted him to know that I really had cared for her as he had. I was crying again by the end of this, not wanting to leave her, yet I'd promised Rin that I would return to her, so reluctantly I kissed her cold lips once more, pulling the cloak back over my own body, feeling a little repulsed when I remembered that it had been on a corpse, I shivered. I looked back only once at her whispering I love you, before making the journey home again.

My logic was that I would leave her there for two days, returning each day to see if she was still there, if she was still there by the end of the second day I would properly bury her as she truly deserved, not wanting animals to get her body. If the body was gone I would know Kaito had found her as I had intended, there was no way he'd simply leave her there, he'd take her and have her buried like royalty, because as much as I hated to say it, he loved her too.

I felt very weak from all of the crying I'd done, not to mention the journeys I'd endured today, yet still I had the incredible urge to run back to the castle, I found myself picking up speed as I walked so that I began to jog, and before I knew it I was sprinting, I could feel tears being thrown from my face as I ran. I wanted to run to Miku, but she wasn't with me anymore, I couldn't reach her now and this fact haunted me, so I kept running as if by exhausting myself completely I might pass out, and perhaps wander from life into an illusion and see her once more. I screamed to the heavens as I ran;

"I LOVE YOU MIKU!" I cried insanely, and as I threw myself through the door to the castle Rin was there, waiting for me. I collapsed in her arms sobbing. Everything was a blur, but it seemed that she lead me up to her room through my fit of sobbing I heard the odd word of comfort, but it meant nothing now. We lay upon Rin's bed, I cried miserably into her lap. She took my hair down from its usual style and brushed it with her fingers, curling a strand of hair at the nape of my neck. She laid my head upon her chest so that she could whisper words of comfort to me and kiss my head. I shut my swollen eyes and imagined I was lying on Miku's chest. I sniffed, listening to Rin's heartbeat wondering if our hearts beat at the same time.

We were there for a long time since I had lost control of my emotions it seemed, I couldn't stop the tears. Rin was tolerant; she sat with me for hours mothering me. There came a point when I wanted to sleep, even when I rested against Rin's chest I couldn't relax, I was consumed by a terrible guilt, it gnawed at my stomach, my heart and my mind, pulling me apart at the seams. I would mutter incoherently about heaven, hell, about my own death and how I wished it upon myself. Rin took it lightly, or she appeared to, gently coaxing me out of these states of rambling.

Rin was good to me that night; when I finally did fall asleep she pulled the covers over me, and climbed in beside me. I didn't sleep for long, as my rest was plagued with nightmares, and every time I saw myself plunging the knife into Miku, I would wake up screaming. Rin was always there, stroking my hair, kissing my cheek, cradling me until I fell into and unsettled sleep again. The whole night was spent this way, yet it didn't seem to bother her, even though I was depriving her of sleep and acting like a madman. I'd never cried so much in my entire life, not when Rin was taken away to learn to become queen, not when I killed a man, not when I was beaten up. I'd seen things most people would never see in their entire lives, and I was only fourteen. My life seemed to be built on misery, yet this seemed by far the worst thing I'd seen, and the worst thing I'd done. I'd never cried so much, nor did I ever cry so much ever again, not even with the grim events to come.