Chapter 6
What Have I Done?
"Are you... Are you Rin, the detective Len's assistant?" A woman's voice asks, and I spin around.
The woman is taller than me, her hair is long, straight and pink. Her eyes are just as pink, if not more so. "Who's asking?" I reply, crossing my arms.
I'm not in a good mood after losing myself like that, and finding out that I'm in love with a murderer.
"My name is Luka. I'm aware that you, too, are suspicious of Len being the murderer behind certain cases he's investigated. I have something you might want to see." She states, holding up a small, light-yellow folder. "But we have to make sure he can't hear us. This is proof."
I freeze, my blood racing. This is it, isn't it? What I've been working for all this time. He's going to be arrested, and it's all over. I'll go back home. "Can we go somewhere for coffee?" I ask, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I'm rather cold."
"Of course."
Later, as we sit in the small coffee shop, I look through the evidence she's collected as I listen to her, and sip my coffee. I love the smell of coffee.
"I found the blood underneath the first victim's fingernails, and just got the results back. It matches his. Underneath the second-last victim's nails was yellow hair. The same shade as his. It's all enough to prove he's the culprit behind those two murders, but I wanted to speak with you. That alone might not be enough for him to get the death-sentence. Have you collected any evidence?" She asks, and I nod.
"Plenty, but only enough to make him a suspect. With this, though, he'll at least get locked away." I state, passing the blood test-match back to her, and frowning. "I can show you what I've collected, but I don't keep it at his house. Come on." I command, rising from the table.
She follows, looking somewhat confused.
On the way out, I subtly take a knife off of the edge of a table and hide it behind my back.
"Have you told anyone else about this?" I ask as I lead her to a park.
"No, I wanted to talk to you first, so that no one ran to the police. I want the man dead, not just 'put away'." She states. Her voice is soft and sweet, and she sounds like a nice person. "The first victim that interested me was my father. The chef... The chef was my lover, his name was Sebastian. I know he didn't do it, he wouldn't have. And when Len said the poison was in the wine, I knew it wasn't true. I made that wine, and sealed the bottle. It was a gift to my father, but the chef delivered it for me because I wasn't speaking to father, because he said me and Sebastian couldn't be together. I knew, after that case. Len was the murderer. The letter, my father had shown it to me. It wasn't Sebastian's handwriting." She states, her voice turning bitter. "I want Len dead, dead and buried."
I lead her to a small cliff, overlooking a frozen pond. The pond is deep, and it's a long drop to the water. The ice over the pond shines, glimmering in the setting-sunlight.
"You hide the evidence here, Rin?" Luka asks, taking a deep breath, standing over the edge of the cliff to admire the sunset.
"Did you tell anyone you were meeting me?" I ask, coming up behind her slowly.
She shakes her head. "I miss my father, and Sebastian... This isn't fair..." I hear a sob, and realize she's crying. "He killed my father, and locked away the man I love. Maybe...
Maybe if he's caught, they'll let Sebastian go, you know?" She cries, covering her face with her hands. "I would do anything for someone I love. Would you?" She asks, turning around to face me.
I throw my arms around her waist, hugging her tightly. "Yeah, I would." I reply, and she places her hands on my shoulders.
"I'm sorry I lost it like this, I'm usually so collected..." She states, pushing back a bit.
I look up at her face, slightly aware that I'm smiling.
He takes out a cloth and bandage, wetting the cloth slightly from the sink.
He begins dabbing the small cut on my knee, and I pretend to find it amusing. "Don't be silly, I can do that myself." I reach to take the cloth from him, and he pulls it away.
"I don't mind."
I stare at him, wide-eyed before remembering to keep my face still. But I'm still surprised. That's very kind of him to do, I suppose... I should thank him.
He puts the cloth away and wraps my knee in the bandage. "Does it hurt to walk?" He asks, pulling me to my feet.
I smile quickly before returning my face to normal. "I'm fine. Thank you, you didn't have to do that."
"It was no trouble. Come, let's have the tea."
A twisted grin, am I going crazy? I ask myself, bringing the knife up at plunging it into her stomach.
"We hired him to play for your birthday, and he agreed to do it without pay when he saw how adorable you are!" My mother coos, taking my hand and motioning towards a boy.
A young boy, only a year or two older than I, with blond hair and bright but tired eyes. He smiles at me, a charming smile.
"Happy birthday." He says, then laughs. "I heard you liked music, right?" He asks, and touches my cheek. "I'll make sure to play my best tonight, okay?"
She gasps, her face contorting into surprise. "R- Rin...?"
I pull the knife away, driving it in again and again. The blood soaks my hands and spatters the snow, leaving bright red drops in the snow. Her eyes grow wide as I drop the knife and step back, smiling. "I would do anything for someone I love." I state, dropping to my knees and laughing.
Later, we're walking again, sipping hot chocolate out of cheap tin mugs. The snow is falling ever-so-lightly around us, and he's still holding my hand. In fact, he hasn't let go. And somehow, I don't mind it.
What in the world am I thinking, enjoying my evening spent with someone who is more likely than not a murderer? And yet, I find myself letting my guard down, laughing, even, and having fun.
Laughing, and laughing. I watch as she stumbles backwards, clutching the wounds on her stomach and struggling to breathe. "W- W... Why?" She asks.
As if in slow motion, she falls backwards. The sun shines around her, creating a silhouette of her in the orange brightness, her arms and legs reaching out to find land, her hair flailing softly around her.
She's dead before she hits the ice, and I listen to the thud and crack, then her sinking.
I slowly crawl to the edge of the cliff, looking over it and smiling when I see she's sunk. The ice will quickly freeze-over once more.
Before it does, I pick up the knife from the slow, wipe the fingerprints off onto my dress, and drop it inside the hole in the ice.
I watch it splash, and sink.
As I stand, seeing the blood on my hands and in the snow, the realization of what I've just done hits me hard.
And then something else hits me even harder, she had the folder with her when she fell. I turn away, and run.
"Rin, are you-" Len asks as I run through the den. I tuck my hands underneath my arms and run up the stairs.
"I'm fine!" I call back, rushing to the bathroom.
I quickly strip and step into the shower, watching the blood melt from my skin and swirl down the drain.
What... What have I done? What have I done? I fall to my knees, gripping my hair tightly in my fists. What have I done? I killed her. I killed the one person that could help me put a murderer behind bars. I know for a fact that it's him, now. It isn't just the suspicion, it's a fact. The blood test results are THERE. It IS him. I should have turned him in right them... I can't... I can't believe I've done this.
I have to turn myself in, I have to. I'm a murderer. My mother would be disgusted with me.
I turn the water off and step out of the shower, wrapping a white towel around me. I gather my clothes into my arms and pull the door open, gasping as I come face-to-face with Len.
He realizes the situation and blushes- blushes- and averts his eyes. "You looked rather distraught, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Nothing happened, did it?" He asks, and I want to scream; "Yes! Yes something happened! You're a murderer, and I'm in love with you anyway, but I just killed someone who wanted to prove it and now I have to turn myself in along with you! That's what happened! Now, kill me before I can turn you in!"
But instead, I just smile. "I'm fine, don't be silly." I laugh. "Now, what were you doing? Peeping? You know, if you wanted to see me naked, you could have just asked." I laugh, teasingly.
He realizes his own words, and laughs. "Well... If you're sure. Since the case is finished, do you want to just relax with me for a bit? I can make us hot chocolate, if you want." He offers, and I pause.
Does he... Does he care about me like I do him? No, of course not. That's stupid! I laugh inside my head. He's probably just using me, he might even be considering framing me in the end. He's a cold-blooded killer, right?
But then, so am I.
"Sure, that would be lovely." I smile. "But if you don't mind, I need to... Well... Get dressed."
"Oh, you do? Well, if you insist." He teases, stepping back and allowing me to leave.
I quickly change into a white, knee-length spaghetti-strap nightgown.
I enter the den, and walk past Len to sit on the couch, but he pulls me back, and down beside him on the couch. "Come on, I won't bite." He laughs, squeezing my hand.
I smile, picking up the mug of hot chocolate and leaning against his shoulder. "Is something bothering you?" I ask, just to make conversation. Everyone has something on their mind.
"Well, not really." He replies, shrugging. "I'm just tired of this life, I think I'm ready to leave this town. It's sooner than I planned, but it didn't take as long to solve that last crime as I thought it would." He states, and I freeze.
That's right, I'm supposed to move with him, aren't I?
"Len... Can I ask you something hypothetically?" I ask, not caring when he pulls me closer, so that I'm leaning against his arm.
"Sure, go ahead."
"What would you do if I were really a murderer?" I ask, and he laughs.
"What kind of question is that?" He laughs. "I don't know, I'm a detective, I guess. So I would have to do my job, wouldn't I?"
"So you'd turn me in, hypothetically?" I ask to clarify, and he takes a while to answer.
"I don't know, it's very... Useful to have you around, maybe I'd let it slide." He says, and I can't tell if he's joking or not.
"What would you want me to do if you were a murderer?" I ask, just to ask. It doesn't really matter if he thinks I'm investigating him anymore, really. I have to turn us in. I just want to have a little more time with him first.
"I would want you to do what your heart thought was right." He states, quietly.
He said my 'heart', not just what 'I' thought was right, but my 'heart'. My heart tells me something much less than justice. And that's what I used to fight for, isn't it? Justice...
What is justice, really? Someone kills another human, so they die themselves, right? But that's not right, is it? People get away with it all the time, and sometimes they're put to death even when it isn't the culprits fault. Like today, with me. I didn't mean to do it, it just happened. It was an accident, but she died... It was an accident, right? Right?
"Something's bothering you." He states suddenly, and I frown.
"I just... Agree with you, is all. I'm tired of this place, this town. I'm tired of the crimes, I'm just... Tired..." I frown, closing my eyes and resting my head on his shoulder.
He leans his head against mine. "We can leave soon, okay? Only a month or so, I promise." He says, and I smile.
Yes... We can leave, right? We can go and live together, far, far away from here. I can forget, I can forget about everything. About the murders, the cases, about Luka. About the lies, everything. It can all end now, right?
I begin to drift to sleep, comforted with the thoughts of forgetting this all, and suddenly snap awake. No. That's wrong, what am I thinking? I can't do that! I have to... I have to do what's right. I'll turn us both in, soon. It's only right.
Even with that burden, laying against him brings me comfort. I soon find us laying on our sides, his arm around me. Warmed by the glow of the fire and comforted by his presence, I slowly drift to sleep.
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