Selfish Hating of Myself

Chapter 4
Separations in Shadows

I didn't remember falling asleep that night, only being awoken sometime around midnight by a commotion outside. Townspeople were shouting, loud and angry, and I shot up in bed as my mind comprehended what was going on.

They had come at last. I knew it would happen eventually, the signs had been everywhere. A crazed citizen spouting abuse about our queen a few months back, a poorly executed assassination attempt last week. I had been expecting this for months now. Revolution was imminent with a queen as terrible as ours.

A queen whom I couldn't help but love. Of course the murder of the Green princess would cause this. There was no way her highness's obsession with the Blue prince could ever have remained a secret. That, coupled with her already horrible reputation, had completely given us away. And now they were here to end it.

I could already see the fierce light of the fire casting eerie shadows on my bedroom wall by the time I was dressed. I swore. They were advancing quickly, coming for the queen they all hated. My foot-steps pounded against the wooden floor of the corridor as I hurried to the princess's room.

"Your highness!" I shouted to her, flinging the door open.

"L-len?" She was already dressed, peering at me through the smoke that had started creeping into the room. Her eyes were wide with fear, her silky blond hair a disheveled mess.

"Come with me," I ordered, gripping her wrist and leading her out of the room. I headed straight for the basement, where there was a secret exit out of the castle. A tunnel had been built there, years ago, leading out to a safe-house, for escapes just like this.

"Len, where are we going?" The princess's voice was terrified.

I didn't answer. We had just reached the stairs leading down to the basement when I heard the crash of the front gates being opened. I swore again, more colorfully than before. So even the guards have betrayed us...

Pulling her highness into the basement room with me, I quickly closed and latched the door. In one corner, a wardrobe stood, disguising the door leading to the tunnel. I went over to it, opened the door, then turned to the princess.

For a split second, we just stared at each other.

"Len?"

My expression softened to a smile. "Rin," I said her name, her real name, for what seemed like the first time. It seemed to paralyze her.

"Take your dress off," I whispered to her, already undoing the buttons on my shirt.

"What are you doing?" She was in tears now.

"No one will notice if we switch places," I explained, shrugging my shirt off with no regard to modesty and holding it out to her.

She stared at me, aghast. "Why are you doing this?"

I was struck by the question. "Why?" I echoed, looking straight at her.

Tears were pouring down her face now, and that was when we both snapped.

I threw my arms around her in a hug, burying my face in her hair, taking in as much of her as I possibly could in the little time I had left. The tears came, and I couldn't stop them, and then we were both standing there, crying and hugging each other, and trying to take in as much of our other half as we could before we sere separated. She was begging me to come with her, and I was crying and telling her to get changed, and all the while we were trying to force each other into the wardrobe.

I allowed it to go on for about a minute.

Finally, I calmed myself down and held Rin out at arms-length. "Rin," I said again.

She sniffled pathetically, looking just like she did when she was a little girl and used to make me crowns out of dandelions.

"I love you."

She tried to choke back a sob and failed miserably. I could heard the sound of heavy foot-steps above us.

"You have to go."

She just shook her head, still too choked-up to speak.

I shook her a little. "I'll survive, okay?"

The ground was wet with her tears.

"I promise I'll survive. I'll come back to you."

One pale hand reached out to me, pinkie outstretched.

I blinked at her, immediately realizing what she wanted me to do. A smile found it's way onto my lips as I returned the gesture.

"It's a promise then," she murmured, finally looking up, "I'll go on ahead, but you better meet me."

I nodded.

We quickly exchanged clothes, a process in which, despite the situation, neither of us could stop from blushing. Then, I turned to her, pulling out the plain ribbon I used to tie back my hair, letting my golden hair fall to my shoulders. A sad smile was on my lips as I leaned down and tied it into her hair for her.

This, of course, lead to her crying again.

"Really, Len," I whispered in her ear, trying to act tough, "Grown men shouldn't cry."

She only cried harder at this, but didn't put up a fight as I guided her to the wardrobe. I pushed open the secret door at the back for her as she stepped inside. For a long moment, she stood there, peering down the dark, damp tunnel, before turning to look at me.

It was like looking at myself.

Suddenly, there was a banging on the basement door. She opened her mouth to say something...

… and I closed the door in her face, turning to face whoever was coming through.