Selfish Hating of Myself

Chapter 3
Cold

"Betrothed?"

I flinched at the raw hatred in my princess's voice. "Y-yes," I muttered, "The Green princess and the Blue prince have officially appeared in public together. The wedding is to be held sometime next month..."

She slammed a fist down on the arm of her throne. "Impossible! That wench isn't worthy!" She spat the words out as if they tasted bad.

My eyes widened as the realization of why her highness was so upset dawned on me. "Y-your highness..." I murmured. A small part of me wanted to hit her for insulting the woman I couldn't help but love, but it was quickly beaten to a bloody pulp by the part of me that knew better.

Her highness had started pacing back and forth in front of her throne, her foot-steps echoing on the cold tile. "This just can't be..." she muttered frantically, both hands intertwined in her hair, as if to pull it out, "Her of all people... How could he have chose her over me?" A scream of frustration ripped from her throat.

I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, uncomfortable seeing her like this. I had seen my princess throw tantrums before, but this was taking it to a whole knew level. "Y-your highness..." I began, intending to try to calm her down.

Her eyes landed on me, seeming as if they had seen me for the first time. "Len!" She barked my name.

"Y-yes?"

"She has to be gotten rid of!"

I stopped, astonished and revolted. "Y-your highness?" I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

She turned on me then, and was suddenly in front of me in a flutter of yellow fabric. "You'll do it for me, won't you?" she demanded, "You'll do anything I ask, right?"

My mind struggled to comprehend what she was saying. "Y-your highness... you can't really mean..."

"Len!" Tears were streaming down her face as she clutched the front of my shirt with both hands. "You must do this for me!"

I stared at her, horrified. A war was raging in my head, forcing me to make the choice. The princess... my princess... was asking me to murder the woman I loved. For a moment I couldn't speak, my mind seemingly incapable of forming the right words to tell her that I just could not bear to make myself do this.

Then I realized why I couldn't form the words. It was because there were no words to form. The answer was plain as day, right in front of me. I would do it, because it was her asking for it. It was the one I lived to serve with all of my being. My princess, whose blood was as much a part of me as it was of her. My only twin...

I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of her against me. "Of course..." I murmured, wrapping my arms around her, "Of course I will..."

I've always hated the cold. I've always detested it nearly as much as I detest those who would dare cause my princess pain, regardless of how much she deserves it. It was freezing cold as I silently made my way through the streets of the Green Kingdom, with a sharp gust of wind nearly stealing my cloak from me every once and a while. I was nearly positive it was going to rain, from the scent of the air and the look of the clouds covering the moon.

I decided to get this over with as soon as possible. How exactly I would go about that, I had no idea.

The castle was located in the center of the town, and was fairly open to the civilians. A rather short wall surrounded it, with a couple of sleepy guards at each of the two entrances. I struggled to see how they could have such low security. I suppose it was because of the recent times of peace that had been present throughout the land. No serious wars had occurred in my lifetime, after all, though that was likely to change soon.

I scaled the wall easily, not wanting to bother with the guards, and focused on steeling myself for what I had to do. Her highness's orders are final, I reminded myself, There are no exceptions. This is just another job. One that will make the princess happier than ever. I took a deep breath. You want to do this.

The terrible thing was, I didn't know if that was completely a lie. I wasn't sure exactly when I started crying, but by the time I was making my way through the gardens, I was practically leaving a trail of tears behind me.

"... Princess?"

Her highness jumped, startled by my voice, and turned. "Len," she breathed, her eyes widening a little at the sight of my bloodied clothes, "T-that's not your blood is it?"

I couldn't bring myself to give her even the ghost of a smile of reassurance. "Of course not, your highness," I said, vaguely registering that my voice was monotoned. Dead-sounding.

I also registered the fact that there wasn't a single part of me left that cared.

She stopped. "Len?" She said my name, leaning in a little closer to my face, and stared at me. "Is something the matter?"

I let my eyes drift away from the floor to rest on her beautiful, slightly concerned face. "Of course not, your highness."

The tear-tracks on my face obviously told her otherwise, and for the first time in my life I saw her face take on the look of one who had just taken a blow to the face. I nearly broke into tears right there in front of her at the sight of it. Somewhere, there was still the part of me that couldn't stand to see her unhappy, and I hated myself for it.

"Len, I-" she began, despair in her voice.

I cut her off with a brusque, "I'm going to go change," and swept past her without another word. All of my being was telling me to turn around and comfort her. To turn around and do whatever it was that would make her happy, but I knew that I couldn't. She had to begin to realize that I wouldn't always be there to do whatever she asked of me. She had to begin to hate me as much as I hated myself.

It's for her own good.