Selfish Hating of Myself

Chapter 2
A Questionable Job

The room was darkened by the heavy curtains, though it wouldn't be very bright without them either. The sun had only barely risen above the horizon as I entered the room, an empty basket tucked under one arm. I stooped to begin picking up the various clothing items scattered around the room, taking care not to wake the sleeping queen and frowning as my long, blond bangs just wouldn't stay out of my face. Logic only dictated that I would want to get them cut soon, but there was no chance that would happen. The queen seemed to like them this way, which meant that's how they would stay.

After all, I live to please her. I froze as I heard her stir on the bed. After a moment, a tangled, blond head appeared from under the covers, blue eyes instantly fixing on my unmoving form.

"Len," she muttered my name, still seemingly half-asleep.

"My lady," I murmured, setting my basket on the ground and coming to stand by her bedside, "I apologize for waking you so early."

She yawned, rubbing her eyes, then blinked at me. "S'fine," she mumbled, "What are you doing?" She peered behind me at the half-cleaned room.

"Just my morning duties, my lady," I replied, smiling, "I'm actually in here every morning, before you usually wake."

She looked at me for a long moment, as if trying to see past my innocent smile. I cringed inside. My smile was anything but innocent. "I see," she said finally, flopping back onto the bed and turning her back to me, "Carry on."

I nodded in acknowledgment, it didn't matter if she could see it or not, and returned to my work. A pleasant silence fell on the room.

"One more thing." Her voice shattered the silence like glass falling to the floor. "I have another job for you tomorrow. I'll give you the details later."

My eyes widened as I caught the tone in her voice. "O-of course," the words stumbled out as if I was drunk. I cursed my suddenly dry throat. "... my lady..."

She was silent for a moment before speaking once more;

"Len?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I swallowed before replying, "And I you..." The words were sick, terrible, and altogether something that just shouldn't be said...

… and they were completely true.

The room lapsed into silence again as her highness finally returned to sleep.

"Go to the Green Kingdom? Tomorrow?"

Her Highness looked down at me from her perch on the throne. "Was I unclear? Yes, I ask that you go there and find out what exactly is the situation on the marriage between the princess of the Green Kingdom and the prince of the Blue Kingdom. Surely this is no problem for you, Len."

I bit my lip. I had been planning to go visit a friend of mine tomorrow but... I guess that would have to wait. "Of course not, your highness," I replied.

She smiled slightly. "Good. I'll have a carriage ready for you tomorrow, so just make sure to be packed and ready to go," she told me.

I nodded. "Of course, my lady."

"Very good. You're excused." She absentmindedly waved a hand in my direction.

My eyes flickered from her face to the ground. "Right," I muttered, and left without another word.

The streets of the Green Kingdom were packed. I sighed inwardly as I tried to force my way through the crowd of people. Why in the world are there so many people here? Is the Green Kingdom usually this busy? "Excuse me," I stopped a somewhat bored-looking pedestrian as he passed me, "Would you mind telling me what's going on? Theres some kind of festival, going on, correct?"

He glared at me and my fairly fancy clothing for a moment, probably wondering if I was a noble. "You mean you haven't heard?" he asked.

I blinked. "Heard what?"

"The marriage between the princess and the prince of the Blue Kingdom has finally been confirmed. They're making their first official appearance together today."

I stopped. "So they are betrothed?"

The man only nodded. "It was announced yesterday."

I doubt the princess is going to be happy with that... I bit my lip. "Thanks," I muttered to the man, before ducking my head and continuing on my way. The crowd had parted a few meters ahead of me, most likely to allow the betrothed to pass through the streets. After a fair amount of shoving, I managed to get to where I had a decent view.

"The princess!"

Just in time too.

"The princess is coming!"

"She's with the prince!"

The crowd was ecstatic. I could understand why. The Blue Kingdom had always had fairly good relations with the Green Kingdom, as far as I could tell. They had been strong allies for some time now. It was only natural for the royalty to think of marriage...

The clattering of a carriage could be heard over the cheering of the crowd as it got closer. I craned my neck to see over another man's shoulder.

There, sitting in an open carriage were the two lovers. They seemed genuinely happy, regardless of whether or not the marriage was arranged. The young blue-haired prince held the hand of the Green princess. She was smiling, her perfect mouth open slightly with a soft laugh as she waved to the crowd. I stopped, slightly stricken by her absolute beauty, and stared at her. Her eyes closed for a moment as she laughed, then opened to stare directly at me. Two glittering emeralds, open wide with something almost like curiosity.

I immediately fell in love with them. I immediately fell in love with my princess's enemy.

And with that realization, I began to hate myself.