Watching From the Sidelines Rin

Do you hate me?

Of course he does. There's no other reason, no other answer. He just outright ignored me, continuing with life as if I never existed. It hurt. It hurt so much that I had to bite my lip just to keep myself from screaming.

What part of me do you hate then?

Maybe I should change myself. If I wasn't too short, too flat-chested, too loud, too clingy, too selfish, too arrogant, too stubborn, too righteous, too stupid… maybe you wouldn't ignore me. Maybe you would still be here, treating me like your sister.

And as much as I wanted to be more than your sister, I could never outright and say it, because there's no way I could hurt you. But you hurt me, too much in fact. And yet I continue to love you, as I have been doing for the past four years.

I have a track of all the girls you dated with. Meiko, Kaito's now current girlfriend, Neru, my cell phone buddy, Luka, our nurse, Teto, my first best friend. Currently, you're dating Lily. I couldn't bring myself to hate them, nor could I ever bring myself to hate you. There's just no way I could, because my heart always aches for you to heal them… but you never would.

And here I am, stuck in this fantasy of mine that you would save me before I drown in the darkness. Miku once told me that I don't deserve to suffer like this, but she didn't know. No one will ever know these disgusting feelings of mine for you. No one, not even death.

XxXxXxXxXx

You came home late again, like one of the many nights you did when you started dating Lily. I was always watching you but never confronting you. I was afraid that you'll say something that might hurt me more, and I don't want to break down in front of you. Not ever.

Then two days more, you finally got something to say to me. You were happy, blue eyes practically glittering in the light, a big smile spread on your lips. But I knew you weren't smiling at me. And even though I should anticipate this moment, I was still taken aback by your words.

"I proposed and she said yes!"

It was the most heart wrenching things you said to me. I take back my words before, it was better to say that you hate me, better to be disgusted by me… but not this. Yet I could only smile and congratulate you, because that's what a big sister should do, right?

I left that night, going to Miku's and Mikuo's apartment, excusing myself for intruding at such an ungodly hour. Mikuo knows my situation, and since he's very close to Miku, he must've told her. I wasn't bothered though, right now all I need was some good cry.

~Rin~

Two months after Len's proposal had passed. The wedding was only three more weeks away, and Rin could tell he couldn't wait.

He never did notice though, the hollowness his sister was showing, the dull blue eyes that was always brighter than his own before, the perfect smile that now permanently slacked into a thin line. He never did notice, because she always smiled, no matter fake it seemed, for him.

If he was happy, she was happy… even if there's a hole in her chest she couldn't ignore. And if that wasn't enough, he tortures her everyday with stories of Lily. How they met, what their kiss was like, how happy he is to be with her… but never her. Never Rin.

She barely hang on, the thin thread of life slowly disappearing beneath the soles of her feet, but she couldn't do this now, she has to stay strong for him. She's the older one after all. Rin couldn't blame him though, and she just smiled as tears flowed down her flushed cheeks. If it wasn't for the fact that she still has hope somewhere within her broken heart, she would've left them for good.

But no, she has to wait. Wait until he forgot about her. Wait until there are no more traces of her in his mind. She'll say her feelings after the wedding, in a soft and soundless song. she'll sing it, the last song she'll ever sing for him. He or he may not get the message, but that's fine. As long as he heard her confession, whether he really did understand it or not, that's enough for her.

Because really, she'll always be there for her brother, watching from the sidelines.