Butterflies Rin X Len

Chapter 3

School. A sad affair if you ask me. I always put on an act at school, its automatic, just me trying to fit in. If you think about it, I'm not really friends with anyone, not really. I know and talk to a bunch of guys, but they aren't very nice, so I don't really consider us to be buddies or whatever. And almost all the girls are the same, falling all over the guys, throwing themselves at whatever will get them attention. Except for Rin. Plus being at school reminds me of when we first started, almost three years ago…

Rin grabs my hand excitedly once we are in school. The others have scattered, leaving me and Rin in the crowd.

"Len, aren't you excited? We are in real school now!" she squeals. She looks so pretty today, with her face all excited. She's wearing the school uniform, a white button down shirt, red tie, and a pleated gray skirt. Mine is practically the same, but of course I'm wearing pants. I rub my sweaty hand on the coarse fabric of them, wishing I didn't feel anxious flutters in my stomach. I hold tightly to her hand, because it would be hard to spot her in the crowd, and also because I'm well… really nervous. I wish we were home again; just Rin and I, doing something fun together, instead of having to come here. It's all very busy and new.

As Rin glances at our schedules, I see out of the corner of my eye some guys my age leaning up against a door frame, staring at Rin and I, snickering. I wonder why. We look the same as the rest of the kids in the crowd, we are wearing the same thing.

"Len, will you walk to my first class with me? I promise to meet you at yours afterwards!" she pleads, swinging our clasped hands. We had already decided last night that we would meet each other after each class, since we don't have any classes together. That's one of the many things that sucks about pretending to be twins; they don't want me and Rin to have any classes together.

I smile at her.

"Ok, just don't be late ok?" I tease. She grins back, and looks so cute that I almost forget that we are in a bleak boring school.

"I promise!" she says, squeezing my hand, filling me with relief. I don't know what I'd do without her.

She pulls me forward, pushing her way through the throng of students. I smile; Rin is so demanding. But when we pass by the guys by the door, one of them leans forward and hisses at me:

"Lover twins!" he sneers and all his buddies howl with laughter. Rin, oblivious, continues to pull me forward. Flushed, I let go of her hand. She turns around and is jostled by passing students.

"Len?" she says, confused, her hand clutching her backpack tightly, the only indication that she is nervous too.

"Uh, I just realized, I have to go to the bathroom. Sorry Rin, I'll see you later." I wave and turn around swiftly, practically running away from her as I trample down the stairs, not even sure where I'm going. I reach a desolate corner and lean up against the wall, right under a faded poster. I feel bad, leaving her alone like that, and I'm pretty sure that if it wasn't for her excitement, she would have noticed my lie. But I'm shocked. How did those guys know I liked Rin like that? We had been pretty sly, sneaking into each other's room at night so we could sleep in the same room, and we hadn't even talked about the night I had kissed her. No one had caught on to how we were feeling at home, how did they notice here? I fumble with my backpack, pulling out my schedule that Rin had pressed back into my hand. After glancing at it, I hurry to my next class, weaving in and out through the throngs of students, my mind filled with worry and the thought of those guys laughing at us.

That night, I tiptoe across the hallway and slip into Rin's room. She's already left a space for me.

"Hey." She says sleepily, opening her eyes as I get into bed beside her. She wiggles a little closer.

"Hey." I say. We don't bother making excuses to each other of why we do this anymore. I rest my head on my pillow and push my bangs out of my eyes.

"I hardly saw you at all today." She pouts, her hands held up by her face, resting underneath it.

"Sorry, it was really confusing. I got lost a bunch." I say truthfully, but still feel guilty for not telling her. We are quiet for a bit as we listen to the sounds of crickets that we hear from outside through the glass.

"Rin?" I say, breaking the silence as I prop myself up on one arm.

"Yeah?"

"Do…Do you remember that night that I…uh got my own room?" She too props herself up on one arm, the strap of her nightgown drooping down. It's yellow, one of my favorite colors.

"Yes. And you… you kissed me." Leave it to Rin to be forward. I blush; glad to see she can't see my face very well in the dark. She fingers with the sheet.

"Yea… Well I just wanted to tell you why I did." I say, casting my eyes downward, embarrassed.

"Why?"

"Because… Well… because I love you Rin!" I blurt out, then shrink back.

She says nothing; she is surprised, I can tell. I discover I'm sweating bullets, I'm so nervous, wishing she would say something. Then suddenly, she leans forward and kisses me softly.

"I love you too Len." She says, almost a whisper. Her forehead rests against mine, her sweet warm breath caressing my lips. Then hesitantly, she worms her way into my arms, cuddling up to me, her head on my shoulder and her arm resting across my chest. I grab ahold of her hand again and wrap my other arm around her. We snuggle happily together, the blankets wrapped around us both. Happily, I kiss the top of her head, my heart bursting. I'm so happy, that as I drift to sleep, I've almost completely forgotten about what happened at school earlier. Almost.

After school shopping and dinner, I head to my room. I gaze at Rin's door longingly. If only… I sigh, then turn away towards my own door.

Although we have school tomorrow, I stay up late writing. Or trying to. Lately I can't seem to write anything, not songs or stories, nothing. Dejected, I pull my hair from its ponytail and shake my head to get rid of the feeling. It's getting really long; maybe I should get it cut. It's as long as Rin's, and hers is almost to her shoulders now. Shrugging out of my shirt, I glance at myself in the mirror. I'm all lean, but not really very muscular. I scold myself for not working out more. I don't want to look like a girl! I shrug it off and flick the light switch. I climb into bed then close my eyes. Maybe tomorrow I'll…

My thoughts are interrupted by thunder. My eyes bolt open. I sit up and look out my window. Sure enough, it starts raining like crazy. My thoughts flash to Rin. I wonder if she's ok.

I get out of bed, and creep across my dark room, only being lit up by the flashes of light from the window. I carefully pick my way through the stacks of stuff to the door. I open it to the hallway and peer out. Nothing. I sneak across and gently press my ear to Rin's door. Maybe she hasn't noticed the storm. However, I hear a small noise inside, and that's enough for me. Bravely, I push on the door. After my eyes adjust, I see that she is huddled under a blanket in the middle of her bed, and I can hear her sniffling. I close the door behind me quietly.

"Rin?" I say, tentatively walking towards her. She uncovers herself and sits up. Tears streak down her face, gleaming in the strikes of lightning.

"Len?" She says, her voice small. Her hands are shaking as they clutch her blanket. The sight of her makes everything else meaningless. I sit on the bed and reach for her. At first she hesitates, but the flash outside encourages her to crawl into my embrace. I wrap my arm around her, and then grab one of her hands in mine to try and stop their shaking.

"It's ok, it's ok." I soothe, stroking her back and squeezing her hand gently in mine. She buries her face in my shirt, muffling the sound of her crying.

I sit there and hold her, in the middle of her bed, surrounded by her orange comforter and sheets while the rain pelts the windows underneath her blinds. The lightning lights up the room occasionally, making her hair and skin glow in the darkness. Soon she stops crying, just lets her head rest on my chest as her breathing slows. Unfortunately, the thunder and lightning die away, and the storm soon ends. She pulls away from me, only to clutch at her tee shirt nervously.

"What are you doing here?" She says, wiping her eyes as she sits up.

"I was worried about you." I say, shocking myself. When have I become this honest?

"I'm fine now." She says, pulling the blanket around herself. However, I see her large eyes glance towards the window. She's scared it's going to start again. I take a deep breath.

"Well I think it may start again. Do you want me to stay?" I say, trying to keep my emotions out of my voice. She says nothing, just sits in the darkness looking down, her face hidden in the shadows and unreadable. After a while, I get up to leave, but she leans forward and grabs ahold of my hand. Even in the dark, her nail's gold color shines, and her hand it smooth.

"No…Please stay." She whispers. I nod, and then lay down beside her. After a moment's hesitation, she lies down too and hands me a pillow. I place it close to hers. Our hands are still clasped tightly, resting in the small place between us. I decide now is better time than never to tell her.

"Rin, I'm sorry about today. I just… really miss you. Miss us." I say nervously. She inhales sharply, and pulls on her hand a little. I clutch hers tightly; I don't want her to run anymore. She ducks her head down.

"I miss you too." She says quietly, squeezing my hand back ever so slightly. I suddenly feel invigorated. She misses me. But then she really does pull her hand away. "But Len, you know we can't. I won't do it again." She clenches her hand, empty now, and closes her eyes. I clench my empty hand too, feeling irrationally angry. Her breathing slows as she falls asleep, her head cradled by her pillow, her hair falling onto her long lashes. I stare mournfully at her small figure.

The past is always slapping me in the face. My mistakes. I know what she wants me to say, but something always holds me back…

Rin and I are a couple. Although we try not to act like it at home, we have suspicions that no one will approve. However, I'm so happy I could fly. I always want to be near her, every second away from her is a lifetime. She's perfect. When the school day ends, it's always a relief because the only dark spot is everyone else. I haven't made any friends yet, because it seems like the whole school has noticed Rin and I, and are bent on trying to make our lives miserable. I'm not sure how any of the other Vocaloids haven't caught wind of it yet, but I know that Rin is having a hard time too. I try to ignore it, but it infuriates and embarrasses me.

Rin tries not to think about it, but often times I'll stay awake after she's fallen asleep on my shoulder, thinking about how many times we were made fun of that day. I'm worried for Rin, because I know she's actually really sensitive, and I don't want her getting hurt. I wish we had classes together, so I could be by her side and protect her.

I wait for her anxiously by the stairwell so we can take the bus home. I scan the place, searching in the crowd for her beautiful face. Instead I hear whispers.

"I heard that they plan to have a bunch of disfigured kids together." One snickers. I freeze.

"Gross. That's just wrong. They're TWINS for god's sake!" A girl says.

I turn away and clench my teeth. They are all stupid. I suddenly feel two thin arms wrapping around me.

"Len!" Rin says through the loud noise. I grin happily and wrap my arms around her, breathing in the scent of her orange shampoo.

"Ugh what a whore! You think she could fine someone other than her BROTHER!" This pierces through the crowd, and I see that this comment has been made by some girl who stands in a group, all of them staring at Rin and I. My blood boils.

"Those two are so strange! Someone should call social services! That's incest!"

My eyes narrow. I'm so angry; I could punch them all out, even if some of them are girls. I see Rin look at them, an angry look on her face. But then she looks down, sad and dejected. I'm shocked. Rin would usually tear someone apart if they upset her temper. That's when it hits me. She's USED to these torments. I had no idea it was so bad.

I drop my arms from her and swallow hard. My hands shake as I clench them. Then without a word, I turn and walk away from her. I don't get far before the tears start streaming down my face. Inside of me, something breaks. But I refuse to look back. Yet somehow I know that she realizes what I've done.

Rin P.O.V

I turn away from those girls, pushing away my anger. It just makes the taunts worse. I look at Len, hoping we can just go home. His face is strange. He looks angry and… shocked? Suddenly he drops his arms from my waist. I open my mouth to say something when he turns and walks away, leaving me alone.

I suddenly can't move. His gesture is nothing very big, but I can tell what has happened. Tears fill my eyes. I can hear people laughing behind me. I feel like someone has knocked the wind out of me, I can't breathe. I wrap my arms around myself as the tears stream down. There isn't even any anger, just a hollow empty feeling of loneliness and loss. He must not love me anymore. He must care more about not being teased then about us. These thoughts just make me sob even more. I feel a light touch on my shoulder.

"Rin, sweetie what's wrong?" Miku says. The taunters have scattered, intimidated by the popular, pretty girl with the long, shiny pigtails. I can't stop crying, I can hardly see. I feel so stupid and helpless. She helps me to my feet and puts her arm around me, grabbing my bag that I dropped.

"Shh, it's ok. You can tell me at home." She guides me away towards the buses, holding her head high and proud. I know she's worried, but I can't tell her anything. It would only make it hurt more, and there's no way she'd understand.

I sit alone in my room. Miku must of just assumed I was hormonal or something, because she pressed some aspirin into my hand before she was dragged away by Meiko to record something. There's a knock at my door. I answer it cautiously, dragging myself away from my bed. Meiko saunters in, her red skirt swinging from side to side with her hips.

"C'mon Rin, you are scheduled to record that new song. Let's go!" Meiko says. I completely forgot, and I let her drag me outside and down the path to the studio. It's only when we are about halfway when I realize that Len will be there. I start pitifully fighting against her hold.

"Rin? What are you doing?"

"I'm sick, I can't sing, just let me go!" I panic, my breath escalating. I can't go in there; I can't see him, no no NO. But she continues to pull, ignoring my protests.

"Rin, you're fine. Miku told me it's" your time", but I think you can sing one song." In the midst of this, I blush. Stupid Miku. As we enter the booth, my palms begin to sweat and I try to pull myself out of her grasp even more.

It's too late. I see him. Surprisingly, he looks just as bad as I feel. He stares at the ground, his hair hiding his eyes. Luka sits across from him, and glances nervously from me to him, seeing our mutual distress. I fight back tears, clinging to Meiko's arm. I pull on my t-shirt. Then suddenly, I'm filled with anger. Why should Len be so sad? Why did he even do this?

We are put inside the booth, and I find in spite of everything, I can still sing. The notes come out fine as long as I don't look at him. However, halfway through, I look up and see Len crying in the reflection of the glass in front of us that separates us and Meiko and Luka. His voice sounds fine, but tears are dripping silently down his face. The anger returns, and I suddenly feel tears streaking down my face. Outside the booth, Luka and Meiko are staring at us through the glass, stunned. We finish the song, and I can no longer choke back sobs. Ripping off my headphones, I run out, out of the booth then out of the recording studio.

"Rin wait!" I hear Len call, his footsteps pounding the ground behind me. I slow, then stop and whip around. He reaches me, and I slap him. He stumbles back, shocked by the sudden impact.

"Why? How could you do this?" I scream. He holds his face, and then looks up, pleadingly.

"Rin, I hate it! I hate them making fun of us! I can't stand it!" He says angrily.

"So their opinion matters more to you then I do?" I yell. "I-I thought you loved me!"

"I do! But Rin, I can't do it, watching it every day. I just want us to be treated normally! Maybe if we just were just together in private-"

"SHUT UP!" I yell, tears streaming down my face. Then the anger drains out of me.

"I can't believe this." I cry. "I love you."

"Rin…" he is crying again too, and he steps forward, lacing his hands in mine as I try to pull them back. He leans forward, trying to talk to me, make me understand. But I don't.

"Aren't I enough Len?" I sob. His silence cuts through me, answering my question. I rip my hands out of his then push him forward, my anger returning, the heat reaching every point in my body.

"It's me or them Len. I don't want to have any relationship with you if all you want to do is hide it." I say. "Choose." I try to breathe normally to no success. Please Len, please don't do this to me.

"Rin, it doesn't have to be this wa-"

"CHOOSE Len, or I will!"

He covers his face, frustrated . I know that he is trying to hide from this, is trying to withdraw. He always does this. From the window, I can see Luka and Meiko gaping at us, Meiko pressed up against the window, but I know they can't hear a thing we are saying. I wait and wait for the response I want, the response I need, but there is no sound except for the wind and the damp sound of our tears hitting the dust.

"Fine." I say, feeling myself start to shut down as the anger takes over. "This time, I'll be the one walking away. Don't ever touch me again Len. I…I hate you!"

"RIN!" He yells, angry now. But I make myself turn around and walk away.

He doesn't follow me. I run towards the house, then up the stairs to my room. I grab the door and slam it behind me. Let him make excuses to Luka and Meiko, leave him alone with his hurt. Then as the anger drains out of me, the pain and realization sets in. I crawl in bed, fully dressed, and hope that the pain will leave.

When the sky outside my windows darkens, I still haven't moved. Miku and Luka have both come to talk to me, but I refused to say anything, just staring at the fabric of the sheet, memorizing the threads, willing myself not to cry until they are gone. I've even heard Kaito's deep voice and Meiko's from outside my door, and I bet they were trying to talk to Len. Right now, I just want to be left alone by everyone, because none of them will ever understand. There's no use seeking comfort, it will just make the pain worse.

I haven't cried in a while, but that's probably just because there aren't any tears left. Most are either dried to my face or have soaked my pillows and sheets. I refuse to turn my pillow over though, because then I would have to do something. So instead I just sit in the little ball I make underneath all the blankets. It's quiet.

However, I hear the squeak of hinges as my door opens, and I know it's not Meiko, Miku, or Teto, or anyone. It's Len. I know what I should do. I should yell at him, scream at him to get out, say everything I know that will hurt him. But I don't. I can't. He closes the door quietly, then crawls under the covers next to me and slips his arms around my waist. I let him do this, I want this, want his touch that comforts me so. In both of our miseries against each other, we still seek comfort in each other. He snuggles his head next to mine, and I feel the fabric under my neck start to dampen as his tears stain the fabric. Surprisingly, my eyes leak tears too, even after I thought there were no more. We lay in silence, crying for everything lost and everything said and done, and we comfort each other this very last time.