Chapter 17
Blank
This Diary Belongs to: Rin Kagamine
I am: (Male or Female): Female
I am (age): 14 years old
I am (height): …I dunno
I like: Oranges
I love: Le-asdfjkejafioea-Leopards. I love leopards.
Date: 10/17 – 10/18 (Midnight)
Subject: (blank)
…
I can't think straight. How can I? I…
…
Yesterday…after dinner, I came upstairs and watched more PVs… I didn't think… I… I work in the musical field of career options, so it's only natural that I'd get caught up in it…
I started dancing with the PVs I played… and then singing along… I got caught up in it like I have to do when I am recording it… it lets it look more realistic…I didn't realize Len had walked in…Our voices blended in with the recording, and I was practically in a trance while I was singing…It didn't phase me at all when he joined me…
It was on a playlist by the time he'd joined, automatically going to the next song when the previous had finished… (1) Paradichlorobenzene x Antichlorobenzene had just ended, and (2) Jabberwocky Jabberwocka began playing instantly afterwards.
Listening to the music was intoxicating. It's odd, as well as difficult to describe how music can completely capture someone… The beat of the drums and bass pulsate loudly and send bursts of energy through your body, appearing to become your very heartbeat. The melody flows through you, willing you to do anything, just as long as you were up and moving. It fills you with such an intense urge to just dance… and the lyrics give it all the final touch of life, the final touch of meaning. It gives the music personality and a story, and wills you to join in the telling of it.
…Its hard to fully realize what your doing when the music controls you…
Len and I were dancing together and singing to the PV…my thoughts had almost completely vanished as I immersed myself in the PV with my twin. Even in the parts where no choreographed dancing had been made, our moves were still nearly perfectly symmetrical. The rhythm moved us as one through the song…
…and then at about halfway through the song, it reached a point in the PV where we had recorded… something. In it, our faces had moved close together, and the camera moved away to cause the illusion of 'contact', despite the fact (much to our producers dissatisfaction) nothing occurred..
…
But…as Len and I approached the same spot…I was to immersed in the song…And… and maybe so was he… because… our lips…there was definitely some form of contact this time through…
…but the music kept playing…and…the kiss continued…there wasn't any thought running through my mind… just an urge to continue moving… an urge to never let this happy, fulfilling feeling end…
The…the kiss… it deepened. Even the part of me that speculated that I may like my twin slightly more than most people would accept, and even the part where Quin originates from that teasingly makes stupid jokes, I never actually expected to… to make out with him…
Ugh… stating that… writing those words… it's like finally admitting that it all happened… its like accepting that that moment of… 'intense lip contact' truly occurred…
…when the song ended, so did the playlist. Our lips parted, and we gazed into each others eyes in a daze, still in a light embrace, as reality slowly seeped in.
As it did so, we slowly began to part further, eyes widening in shock, both of us at a loss for words…
I had no idea how to react… even now, a few hours after, I… I can still taste him… I'm so messed up…
We both stood there, backed up against opposite walls, staring at each other in horror of the truth of what just happened…After about 3 minutes of silent, mutual contemplation, Len was the first to move, leaving the room slowly and quietly as if trying to keep from waking someone nearby… I slowly let myself fall to the ground, leaning against the wall as I did so for support. My legs had felt like they could've given out at any moment…As I sit there, my hand slowly moved up to my mouth, fingertips gently grazing my lips where Len had been just moments before…
Eventually, I climbed into bed, and attempted to fall asleep… attempted to take a moment to forget it all happened, but that was impossible… sleep? After that? I must've been crazy. Though, considering the event I was trying to forget, I suppose that statement had already been proven…
I remained motionless in the bed for about an hour, silent, yet wide awake, when I heard the faint sound of the door being opened. My eyes instantaneously shut, and I feigned sleep as well as I could…
…he fell asleep approximately 34 minutes ago from this moment (that's when I began to hear his soft snores)… but I still find it impossible to allow myself to be captured by sleep. I can't stop thinking about it… so many questions running through my head… so many things telling me how wrong I am… so much self hatred at this moment…
... so why is it that after all of this… despite all the horrible insults directed toward myself flowing through my mind…
…why is it that I'm so happy?
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