A Diary's Worth A Trillion Words

Chapter 19
Fear

This Diary Belongs to: Rin Kagamine

I am: (Male or Female): Female

I am (age): 14 years old

I am (height): …I dunno

I like: Oranges

I love: Le-asdfjkejafioea-Leopards. I love leopards.

Fdsfkesafl;elkfaewfeaowfpeowfkpoeawf

Fuck it. I love Len.

Date: 10/25

Subject: Fear

This past few days, Len and I have barely spoke. The rest of the Vocaloids have inquired as to 'what we're arguing about.'

Ha.

Argument.

If only.

Nonono, it has to be MUUUCH more complicated. Something they'd never suspect.

Er… at least I hope its something they'd never suspect. If it IS, then we've got bigger things to worry about…I guess…Though, at this point in time, it's difficult to imagine ANYTHING being more worrying than…well.. the blunt fact that I fucking made out with my twin brother.

Pardon my French.

But still, not only that, but this monthly Vocaloid meeting is coming to an end.

Yes, I'm writing a freakin diary in the middle of an important meeting. I'm stressed, okay? And if it's not obvious, I've got quite a bit I've got to sort out in my mind…

Including the text Len sent me around 10 minutes ago.

"We need 2 tlk. Meet me aftr meetings ovr, behind building; need privte conv. Dnt want ppl to ovrhear."

Eugh… I can't look him in the eyes at all. We're all in a mildly large circle consisting of the Vocaloid crew, producers, film crew, etc, and there's only two people in between Len and I to my left…

Ugh.. I usually can't wait for these stupid meetings to be over, but now, I'm dreading the end…It's stressful..

What is Len going to say? What is he going to talk about?

Well, I suppose the latter is probably one of the most retarded, obvious questions in the world… but the first is still something to ponder..

I wonder…what is he going to say about it all? What was his overall reaction to the occurrence between us that took place just a few nights ago? Was he shocked? Angry? Disgusted?

…Did he enjoy it as much as I did?

…It looks like I'll find out soon… They're dismissing everyone now…

Oh, God, what if he tells me I'm a freak? What if he goes off on me? Oh my God… What happens if he hates me? Oh my God.. Oh my God…I…

…I CAN'T DO THIS. NOT YET.

…Eugh… Now I'm in the freaking bathroom, leaning against the damned wall, sitting on the (luckily) semi-clean floor, wondering what the eff I should do.

Let's look at my options..

1.) Go out there and meet Len.

Sounds…ishy. It'll be nice to finally get an answer to half of the questions that have been running through my mind… but what if it's negative? Fear for that makes me want to stay in here...

2.) Stay in here until I think he's left.

…that sounds ishy as well. It smells in here… and I'll probably drive myself crazy waiting for that long.

3.)… Leave and try to go home without Len noticing?

…I don't even know anymo-

…Okaaay… so…um.. last two options are pretty much impossible now…

I got another text from Len…

"Rin, plz come out of the bathrm… we need 2 tlk… trust me."

…I know Len won't come in here… he knows as much as I do that, in a battle of each other's patience abilities, he's gunna win…and now that it's started, waiting at all seems pretty pointless…But I think the thing that makes me want to come out of the bathroom most is those last two words…

'trust me.'

…They…make me hopeful. It reminds me that the same guy I'm pretty much cowering in fear from is the same guy I've spent the 14 ½ years of my life with…

I wonder… if growing up together had as much of an impact on him as it did me?

I wonder if, sometime, in the middle of all of our adventures together, he began to feel something as well…

I wonder if, by some miracle, I, no, WE have a chance…?

I suppose now would be a good time to find out.