Chapter 6
Wishes and FairyTales
A single letter goes unspoken.
A single message goes unheard.
A single hand goes on writing.
A single soul goes on forward.
A single petal falls slowly down,
A single gust of wind has blown.
A single tear falls down a face.
A single memory goes unerased.
A single scream cries out in vain,
A single heart aches from pain.
A single soul wants to sleep,
A single memory wants to leap.
A single Letter now goes spoken.
A single message now goes heard.
A single hand keeps on writing,
A single word is not as forward.
A single girl was sitting there.
A single boy was joining her.
A single smile and laugh they shared
A single day one disappeared.
A single girl did not know.
A single heart did not know.
A single emotion was found inside,
A single world was found untold.
A single hand now writes away.
A single eye now sheds each day.
A single heart yearns for more,
A single soul yearns to soar.
A single soul made one mistake,
A single one she could not take.
A single boy left that day,
A single tear found its way.
A single soul told her not to cry.
A single soul said he'd be nearby.
A single girl now looks up each night.
A single girl now prays for her light.
A single letter is now spoken.
A single message is now heard.
A single hand no longer writing.
A single chain no longer sealed.
A single heart has always been yearning.
A single memory could never forget.
A single wish finds its way,
To a single one she had once met.
And with a clash the pencil fell to the ground; the master of the tool ran out the door with speed. Her short blonde hair and its ribbon accessory ran behind her, while her blue eyes filled with liquid...
Rin's POV
In the emerald blades of grass was where I sat, letting the shade of the one tree in the opening hang over me. Here I was, deep in the park, where I was with them all... Mikuo, Len, and the other one. The wind started to blow at a moderate pace, bringing along a slight chill of winter. It was nearing time for December, when the first snowstorm would strike in. It was also nearing a time for a special memory...
A sigh escaped my lips as I looked up to the sky that matched my own eyes. It was so clear out, as if the sun was rejoicing and telling the clouds to flee today. It made me smile softly. But it didn't last too terribly long.
"I just can't believe it's almost winter soon," my voice came out visible in the form of white puffs. I tugged on my white jacket to bring it closer to me, but not just for warmth- I needed comfort too. Comfort I can only give to myself at times; nearly all of the time.
Without avoiding the question any longer, I let my voice carry it out. "Mikuo, what have you been doing all this time?" it came out with another sigh and another white puff, "Do you even care about me anymore? Do you even remember me like I remember you?"
Nothing but the still silence replied to me. A bit of fluttering from the tree above me and some of the sweet melody from a bird appeared not soon after. It strangely comforted me. I allowed myself to look up, seeing the blue jay jumping from branch to molting tree branch with such grace. With every turn of its head it seemed to bring out more curiosity- both inside me and inside itself.
It got me thinking.
How free this bird was. To sing and to dance and to fly. This blue bird could go anywhere it set its mind to. All it had to do was spread its wings and let go of the branch it holds onto. All it needed to do was trust the wind current in the sky and just jump. Sure, it needed to do a bit of flapping before it can get going, but once it starts the little bird is just flying happily away, riding the breeze with the warmth and light on its back.
All the meanwhile it would sing such sweet songs.
Could I be like this bird? All I needed to do was spread my wings.
I kept my eyes on this prized, magnificent beast. "You've probably forgotten me by now. I'm sure you have moved on. There's nothing holding you back. No guilt, so sorrow. It's not like it was your fault to begin with,"
The blue jay, now standing on the tip of the tree's branch, started to lift its white chest. Slowly the wings started to unfurl, stretching as far as they could go. I watched him as he took one last breath; the bird's eye grew brave and proud as his legs bent and launched him up into the sky.
The feathers sparkled so brightly under the sun's gaze.
His wings beat against the air for a moment before a gust of air picked him up and sent him on his way to another branch- to another tree. It was so beautiful; my breath caught for a second. This bird, he was so free and graceful.
Could I be like that?
All I needed was to spread my wings.
An image of the blonde boy from a week before sprang into my mind. He was sweet and kind, and he had this charming aura around him. And he reminded me so much of the one from my past. But there was something different about him- I couldn't quite place it, but you could tell he couldn't be the same guy. Len was Len, there was no other way to put it.
Another bird caught my eye- a young mourning dove this time. It was very beautiful, with its brown feathers shining against the blue sky. It flew with such grace and such elegance. The smile on the face became just a little bit bigger as I watched the bird fly so free. Why couldn't I be free? There was no pure reason I should be help back.
Even the caged birds have time to fly.
My joyous expression turned to a face of pure horror as I watched the bird's balance topple over the sudden gust of wind blowing from the opposite direction. It's wings flapped rapidly over and over again in an attempt to keep balance, but it wasn't enough. With nothing I could do, I pulled the jacket even tighter against me for comfort and warmth against the sudden cold wind.
The bird started to be pushed around with the wind. Back and forth the bird went as the wind kept changing, before it started falling and disappeared from view behind the trees in another part of the city park. Tears welded up in my eyes as I recalled what had happened only seconds ago.
Was the bird alright? Did it make it?
I couldn't tell as warm tears made my vision blurry. Only second ago I had thought of Len, and flying free. But then as the bird flew, it had been pushed around and crashed to the ground. That's what would have happened to me, wouldn't it?
A shaky sigh escaped my lips as tears started to slowly fall down the sides of my cheeks.
I had forgotten my wings were clipped from regret.
I wouldn't be able to fly with clipped wings.
Another image popped into my mind, but this time one of the teal haired guy I had grown to know. His eyes were a soft shade of blue-green, often changing from one of the colors to the other. That voice of his was sweet, though sometimes his singing voice would make him sound like a girl; a half-hearted chuckle escaped my lips as I remember his words: 'It's only because Miku keeps making me sing these high songs!'. Though his voice was like honey, sweet and smooth. And he always had a smile on, no matter what kind of difficulties were going on in his life at the moment.
And even when these difficult things happened, he was always trying to make time for me. Whether it was an email, or a quick phone call, he always tried to contact me every day. He always tried to make me laugh somehow. And when we were together, I knew we made the best of it.
The summer air was crisp with warmth on that day with little wind; the summer flowers were springing to life with colors painted all over the field. Butterflies roamed the sky, while all the birds sang from the one tree that we sat under. The grass was soft and seething with life.
He was here, sitting crossed-legged, just relaxing under the shade that protected us from the heat radiating from the sun. I remember his eyes looking up at the sky while that gentle smile was resting on his face. There was a particular shine in his eyes that day, one that completed him.
My head rested on his shoulder while his arm was wrapped around me. I couldn't help but take a deep breath of the air the covered us. Everything here was perfect. Well, besides the fact that this was only one of the few days we could ever spend together. But even then, we made the best of it.
Butterflies continued to dance around the field with an array of colors; there were blue wings, orange wings, purple wings and other wings of many other colors. A red butterfly came fluttering towards me, landing right on my nose. The little thing started to tickle, and I tried not to sneeze. My attempt failed, however. The startled butterfly went back to the flowers as I felt my smile turn into a pout.
Beside me Mikuo chuckled, his smile growing. I looked over into his direction, my pout becoming more pronounced. My voice came out in a childish manner. "That's not funny,"
He seemed amused. "I guess you're right,"
My pout dissolved, replaced with a look of confusion. "Then why do you look so amused?"
"I dunno," His head turned towards me, while his pointer finger tapped me on the nose. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but smile at this small gesture. It made me feel warm inside, having someone like this to be next to. "Maybe it's just because you look so cute like that,"
I felt my cheeks become warm with a blush, but it didn't bother me in the slightest. My mouth curled into a large smile as I heard those words of his. He was just so sweet and so kind. Cheesy at times, yes, but still perfect. I let my head rest back on his shoulder, but the smile on his face never left. In fact, his eyes started to get a bit of a mischievous look to them.
That could only mean one thing...
My face twisted into one of mock horror as I quickly tried to flee from his embrace. But his arm was too strong as it help me in place.
It wasn't long until I was on the ground, tears falling down my face and laughs exploding from me.
His fingers kept running over my stomach and neck as I squirmed, trying to flee. My breaths were shallow, if I could even squeeze them in from all the laughs and giggles that escaped me. "Please, stop!" I cried through my laughter. "I can't breathe!"
His impish smile never left his face as he continued to tickle me. He showed no intention of stopping. "But why should I? You look so beautiful when you're helpless," I tried to take a deep breath, but it only came out in full-blown laughter.
"You mule!" was the only thing I could call out.
Several minutes later or several seconds later, I couldn't tell the difference, but he had stopped assaulting me when he had started to burst into full out laughter. Both of us were left cracking up at our own entertainment. With him sitting on his knees, and with I still laying on the soft emerald blades beneath me, we held our stomachs and just laughed.
When we had both calmed down from our fit, the teal haired boy lay next to me with his hands behind his head. In the silence we once again looked up at the clouds in the sky, just enjoying the presence of one another. It wasn't long until I grew bored of the silence.
"What should we do today?" I asked, wanting something exciting to happen. The boy next to me thought for a moment before speaking.
"There should be a festival going on soon," he said, smiling down at me. "Maybe we could light some fireworks later on,"
That smile appeared on my face as I thought of watching the bright lights- and not only watching them, but lighting them up as well. I snuggle up beside him, thinking of how much fun it would be to just to hang out and light fireworks high into the sky. I giggled. "That would be awesome!"
"We never did get to those fireworks," I whispered, wiping away the tears that gathered into my eyes. I missed times like those, when we were honest. When I wasn't always lying. As if in mourning, my head lay limp as I let blonde bangs cover my eyes. Tears continued to pour down. Every time my hand went to wipe them away, my cheeks only became wetter. Soon I gave up.
"Why couldn't have I just waited for you...?" I asked the surrounding, but again nothing replied to my lost voice.
"Oh right. It's because you just couldn't wait. You stupid child," my voice grew with more and more hatred. Self-loathing started to grow. "You are the Devil's child after all. Nothing more than a monster, a beast. You'll be nothing more,"
Out of the corner of my eye I saw that blue jay flying so high without falter. He has mastered control.
"What about Len?" I challenged myself, lacking the hatred in my voice.
"What about him?" my inner guilt challenged back.
"I'm starting to like him... Maybe I can... No," I stopped myself from going on.
"That's right, isn't it?" I could feel the darkness- my darkness- swarming around me. Not literally, but that inner ghost was starting to haunt me. "How can you start to like him? It's only been a week at most... No one can fall in love that fast, not even humans," The beast emphasized 'humans', reminding me I couldn't even raise that high.
"I don't know. I just feel something when I'm around him," I whispered to it- to myself. "I felt like I did when I was around Mikuo,"
"It's nothing more than infatuation; nothing more than a feeling. It'll pass. And sticking with him until the feeling does pass will break him,"
"But I remember mother talking about love at first sight. Maybe-?"
"I guess it's true. We still haven't grown, have we? Still believing in fairy-tales and wishes, are you? I thought we would have learned by now. Well, I mean I have, but you are still stuck in the past. Aren't you child?"
"..." I couldn't reply. Maybe that guilt in me was right. Maybe I never did grow up like I should have.
"That kind of love was never real. Why do you keep wanting this 'Len', anyway? You'd just be replacing Mikuo, all while breaking his little heart the same way you broke the other two," In my head I could hear its deep laugh, as if wanting such a thing to happen for its own amusement.
"But what if it is...?" I dared to reply. I knew I was being weak and childish. But I wanted to know. What if I was falling for Len? It was so long ago since Mikuo; maybe it was time to move on, like Luka said.
"If you want to break his heart, go ahead," the past challenged me. "Smash it like all the others. One more shattered being shouldn't phase you, should it? I mean, you've grown so used to it by now-"
"Stop," tears were falling down my face, but more reasons started to swirl into my mind.
"And what about Mikuo? Hm? What would he think if he knew you were doing this? Would he really be happy with you breaking another heart like you did his? Would he, child? Would he?"
"Please, Stop..." I couldn't see anything with how blurry my eyes were getting. I could feel my chest constrict like a large python, sucking away any life I still had in me. I thought my heart would stop from all the pain that started to build up. My head spun, leaving me slightly dizzy.
"You'd promised that you'd love them forever. You promised that you would never love again. You gave your oath, girl. You gave it to God, and He can strike you down. He wouldn't have any trouble, would He? He's just waiting for the right moment to shoot you down, demon,"
"Please, I beg you to stop!" I wailed.
"Go ahead and do it, child. Go ahead and play with their hearts, demon. Go ahead and try to be nice, but you know your real nature. You can't deny what you are and what you are meant to do. I'm sure Mikuo won't care, after all. You destroyed him. I'm sure Len won't care either, if he's so much like your 'hero'. And obviously you won't care. After all, you're nothing more than a monster. A monster. A monster...-"
"STOP!" I screamed into the empty area around me. From that eruption the birds suddenly scattered from the trees in fear. The only sound was my heart beating wildly, and my breaths coming in pants of white smoke. I reached for my knees, and hugged them closed to me as I let the tears fall faster and faster.
I wanted to deny it, but I just couldn't.
I wanted to be in love, but maybe it wasn't love. I was sure it was, but maybe it's true.
And even if it was, I wouldn't dare hurt anyone else.
I don't think I could handle it if I did...
I felt my eyes slip closed as my breathing started to slow. I needed to calm down. All of this information wasn't new. I knew all of this by heart by now, and yet why was I so afraid of it? I lowered my head, finding peace in remembering when I first met Mikuo.
I sat outside the school cafeteria on a bench, eating my homemade lunch. I honestly hated eating inside the building, with it's stench and trash all over the floor. Not to mention all the people in there you have to squeeze through to find a seat; though its not always guaranteed you get one. The air was so thick from bodies that you could taste it, and overall it was just disgusting.
So here I sat in the shade by myself, not really paying attention to anything. I had many friends in school, but none of them would really spend time to hang out with me. This was because they always spent time with other friends. And I never really fit in with those other friends.
It wasn't long into my lunch hour that I saw a teal-haired boy walking out of the lunch door like he usually does since he's been here. This boy was a transfer student, so he's only been here about three weeks or so.
But instead of going to the playground like usual, he started heading in my direction.
"May I sit with you?" he asked. His voice was sweet and kind. It wasn't sarcastic like everyone else's voice I knew. It was nice, actually, to know someone's voice wasn't sarcasm-coated.
"Of course," I replied, smiling. Normally I didn't like people, but everyone was gone. Loneliness can get to a young one like me.
"Why are you by yourself?" He asked, curiosity in his voice. Everyone should have been out on a field trip, but there were always a few unlucky students who were left behind to suffer the school day. I sighed, pouting.
"All my friends are either in Middle school now, or are on that stupid field trip,"
"So why didn't you go to the Science Center?" he asked after a few seconds of pondering my responce. I pouted, my voice coming out as a childish complaint.
"Because the teacher said my mom's handwriting wasn't real,"
"Was it?"
"Yes! No, really! I had her sign it in the car on the way over here!" He chuckled, and my pout grew more pronounced. "What's that for?"
"You just look so cute like that," Warmth started to surround my face as I looked away, crossing my arms over my chest. His chuckling filled the area, and I kept looking at him through the side of my eyes before finally turning back. A new question filled my mind.
"So why aren't you on the field trip?"
He sighed. "The teacher was getting all smart and stuff. He said I couldn't go on the field trip because my mom didn't fill in all the forms for school yet,"
"You have to have forms to go to school?" I asked, not really sure about it.
"Yup," he replied.
A comfortable silence and the occasional kid running around on the playground filled the air, before a thought appeared in my head. He was alone, and so was I. Seeing how he was the new kid, I guessed he didn't have very many friends. And to be honest, almost all of my friends ditched me for the field trip.
"Want to be friends?" I asked, smiling.
"Sure," he said, returning the same smile.
We were never separated since.
At least, not until that day...
"Mikuo," I whispered his name into the empty air, letting the white smoke carry it. I opened my eyes, going from the little dream into the real world. The sun was near setting, painting the turquoise sky with pinks, purples, and golds. It had been so long since I had last seen him, and yet he continued to affect me. My heart had been turned cold long ago when my true nature had been revealed.
Maybe I just need to forget this 'Len'.
It would just be in everyone's best interest.
"Wouldn't it?" I asked with a humorless chuckle.
No comments:
Post a Comment